Deciphering a man’s emotions can sometimes feel like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Especially if said man was brought up to withdraw into himself whenever he struggles with something.

Instead of opening up about what he’s going through, he builds a sturdy wall around his heart, leaving you clueless on the outside.

Nevertheless, flashes of his inner turmoil still break through, and you can better understand what’s what once you learn to identify them correctly. 

Here are 10 subtle signs a man is secretly unhappy that most women overlook.

Despite what society might have you believe, we’re not that different.

1) He becomes irritable

If your partner seems unusually short-tempered, it could be a sign that something deeper is troubling him.

Unhappiness is tricky to contain.

When you use the bulk of your energy to suppress negative feelings, you are prone to lose your patience when a minor inconvenience pops up.

You’re too tired to deploy your usual coping mechanism, so you blow up – even if you don’t mean to.

On the same note, if his unhappiness stems from unmet needs or unaddressed issues within the relationship, your boo might choose to express his frustration indirectly by reacting strongly to minor frustrations.

That brings me to my next point.  

2) He is passive-aggressive

Passive aggression can be another sign that your partner is unhappy.

Instead of expressing his feelings openly, he resorts to indirect and less effective methods of communication:

• Despite appearing outwardly agreeable, he is more sarcastic and critical than usual
• He “forgets” about promises and commitments he made
• He gives you the silent treatment
• He sends you mixed signals, leaving you confused about what’s really going on
• At the same time, he downplays the significance of his actions or denies any wrongdoing

Perhaps he’s not yet ready to voice his dissatisfaction, but he can’t hold back his negative feelings 24/7, so he expresses them via passive-aggressive statements and behaviors.

Uncool.  

3) He isolates himself

If a man is unhappy, he may isolate himself as a way to avoid uncomfortable emotions or situations.

Or, as a way to deal with them in private and “recharge.”

My ex-boyfriend used to do this every time he went through a rough patch. He insisted that he needed to be on his own because he didn’t want to burden me with his bad mood.

Instead of reaching out to me for comfort, he would avoid seeing me for a few days, despite my assurances that I was keen to help.

We didn’t last long.

Unhappiness can lead to a sense of disconnect from others, making it difficult for men to maintain meaningful relationships.

They may feel misunderstood by those around them, reinforcing their desire to crawl into a hole and lock everyone else out.

They may think that suffering in silence is preferable to suffering out loud.

Open his eyes to the contrary.

4) He withdraws emotionally

Maybe your partner doesn’t isolate himself but withdraws emotionally.

He still hangs out, takes you on dates, chats with you every day.

But you can’t shake the sensation that he’s not 100% present for any of these interactions.

Whenever you bring up this recent shift in behavior, he offers a lame excuse or avoids discussing the topic altogether.

He becomes emotionally detached, to the point where you begin to wonder if your relationship is in jeopardy.

Let him know that you’re worried about the growing distance between you.

Your concerns can act as a wake-up call.

5) He loses interest in his hobbies

Losing interest in his hobbies is another subtle sign that a man is secretly unhappy.

A once-passionate pursuit that suddenly loses its appeal might signal a general loss of fulfillment.

If your partner used to enjoy a TV show the two of you watch together every week but no longer cares about missing an episode, he may be struggling with something.

If he used to love video games but hasn’t touched his gaming console in days, it’s a red flag.

If he expressed enthusiasm about traveling but now can’t be bothered to book any trips, there’s a chance something is troubling him.

You get the idea.

6) You notice changes in his sleep patterns and appetite

Changes in sleep patterns and appetite can be significant indicators of a person’s emotional well-being.

Your boyfriend may insist that everything is fine, but his recent bouts with insomnia and binge-eating sessions prove otherwise.

Granted, not everyone deals with unhappiness the same way, so these changes can vary.

Rather than having trouble sleeping, he might sleep more than usual because he’s feeling lethargic.

Similarly, he might lose his appetite instead of indulging in too much food for comfort.

Whatever the changes may be, don’t overlook them.

They can be proof that something more insidious is tearing through his insides.

7) He gets sick more often

Our emotional and physical health are intricately connected.

As a result, distress can manifest in a variety of seemingly unconnected physical symptoms:

• Stress can cause tension to build up in the muscles, leading to stiffness, soreness, and general discomfort
• Unhappiness can mess with the digestive system, causing stomachaches, indigestion, bloating, and so on
• Persistent fatigue can signal that a person is struggling with stress or sadness
• Internal pain can weaken the body’s immune response, making individuals more susceptible to infections and illnesses
• Feeling anxious can also exacerbate certain skin conditions (acne, eczema, psoriasis, or hives)

All in all, if your partner is getting sick more often, ask whether there’s something deeper going on.

8) He looks for ways to escape his reality

When a man engages in escapist behavior, it can be a sign that he’s unhappy or experiencing emotional distress.

Losing himself in video games or TV series allows him to temporarily avoid confronting uncomfortable feelings.

He might also resort to substance abuse, gambling, or other unhealthy addictions.  

Unfortunately, distraction only provides short-lived relief.

Sooner or later, he’ll have to confront the root of his unhappiness – or he risks being stuck in miserable limbo for the foreseeable future.

9) He is less interested in how he looks

Your boyfriend loved looking put-together.

He enjoyed going to the gym, doing skincare, generally taking care of himself.

His shirts were always ironed and he used to spend longer than he was willing to admit on his hair.

Lately, though, you’ve noticed that he cares less about how he presents himself to the world.

He seems disinterested in maintaining his usual grooming routine, his outfits are sloppy, and his hair looks unkempt.

Even worse, his confidence is at an all-time low and he stopped going out as much.

You might dismiss your concerns, telling yourself this is what happens when someone becomes more comfortable in a relationship.

In reality, these changes can signal underlying emotional issues.

If you continue to ignore them, they will only escalate.

10) He stopped being enthusiastic about the future

Losing all enthusiasm about the future is a worrying sign that a man is secretly unhappy.

Enthusiasm is fueled by a sense of hope and anticipation for what lies ahead.

When these positive feelings vanish, so does the excitement.

Unhappiness frequently leads to apathy and a lack of purpose, making it difficult for people to envision a meaningful future.

Why make plans when the present feels so gloomy? The future will probably feel the same.

If your partner becomes reluctant to make any sort of plans or lets you make all the important decisions, it’s time to have a serious talk.

There’s likely something he’s not telling you.

Final thoughts

While everyone is different, a man who exhibits the behaviors above is in a bad place.

This is your cue to express your concerns and offer support.

Talking things through is key to finding a solution to whatever demons he’s fighting when no one’s around.

Make sure he knows he can count on you for backup.