Are there subtle signs that a man is extremely attracted to you?

Here’s the good news:

Yes.

But do you want the bad news?

Research suggests that most signs of attraction are incredibly subtle and so we don’t find it so easy to pick up on them.

That’s because a lot of friendly behavior crosses over into flirting.

We’re not always overt in our advances, because we’re embarrassed and worried about being rejected.

With that in mind, you have to pay close attention to the small details so you don’t overlook them.

Let’s dig a bit deeper into the psychology of attraction so we know what to look out for.

1) He’s friendly and attentive

I did warn you. Genuine signs of attraction, unfortunately, overlap with many polite behaviors in society.

That’s why attraction researcher Jeffrey Hall says most of us can tell when someone is not interested, but struggle to notice when they are.

“Behavior that is flirtatious is hard to see, and there are several reasons for that. People aren’t going to do it in obvious ways because they don’t want to be embarrassed, flirting looks a lot like being friendly, and we are not accustomed to having our flirting validated so we can get better at seeing it.”

It doesn’t feel obvious, but this extra attention someone gives you is an incredibly strong sign of attraction.

Basically, when you like someone, you give them more of your time and energy.

In practical terms that looks like this:

• Asking you questions and encouraging you to talk about yourself
• Revealing information about themselves so you can get to know them better
• Trying to keep the conversation going

Basically, it’s about making an effort that goes a little bit beyond small talk and social niceties.

You may find it cynical, but it’s still the case that a guy is more likely to be interested in what you have to say when he finds you attractive.

If you’re feeling confused, hopefully, the next sign can offer some more clarity.

2) He playfully teases you

This is so often the decider when it comes to friendly versus flirtatious.

People who are being friendly are often a lot more polite and formal in their interactions.

But if he is trying to ramp up the chemistry between you, a bit of joking around and teasing is an effective way of doing that.

As dating coach Nick Notas points out: “When done well, teasing can be a great way to bond with someone. Most of us have engaged in some form of it since childhood. We lightheartedly mocked our siblings. We ribbed our best friends and teammates. In dating, poking fun or challenging each other can be fun and exciting. It’s a way to show interest (aka flirting) and build sexual chemistry.”

3) He responds to your flirting

So we’ve already seen that flirting can feel ambiguous.

So much so that one study found that only around 18% of women were able to successfully identify when a man they were speaking to was flirting with them.

Sadly, it seems that men’s intentions are trickier to read than women’s.

But it’s important to remember that flirting is incremental. It’s a way of testing the waters.

Meaning, we don’t usually go in all guns blazing explicitly letting it be known: “I think you’re hot.”

Instead, we offer up subtle interest and wait to see if it’s reciprocated.

If it is, we then match this and ramp things up a level, becoming more obvious along the way.

If you think back to past experiences, you’ll probably be able to anecdotally realize this is true. As the evening progresses, you both flirt more obviously.

That’s why one of your clues a man is extremely attracted to you is how he responds to any interest from you.

If he uses this as an opening, it’s a sign of mutual interest.

Unfortunately, if you’re dealing with a naturally flirty guy, this often leaves you back at square one in knowing where you stand.

So maybe it’s time to turn to those unconscious body cues for more answers.

4) He looks at you more often and holds your gaze

Let’s cut straight to the chase:

Eye contact is a subtle yet powerful sign of attraction.

Guys are more likely to look at you if they find you attractive.

He may try to look you in the eye a lot, or he could send plenty of brief glances your way — both can signal interest.

We use eye contact as a way of sending all sorts of emotional signals to one another.

It often happens without any conscious thought.

A study in the Journal of Research in Personality found that people who gazed into each other’s eyes for prolonged periods were more likely to report feelings of affection for the other person.

If you’ve ever gelt giddy after looking your crush in the eye, that’s because doing so releases attraction hormones and chemicals that give you a rush.

5) He very subtly invades your personal space

That may sound creepy, and it is when it’s unwanted.

But when two people are mutually attracted, it helps to break down barriers.

That’s because we all have an invisible bubble of personal space that surrounds us.

It’s an unspoken rule that we shouldn’t cross into one another unless we already have an established intimacy and familiarity with them.

The exception is when we’re flirting and we want to get more intimate.

So if a guy is really attracted, he may try to find ways to come closer. He could reach out to touch you.

That may look like an “accidental” knee graze if you’re sitting next to each other or reaching to gently touch you on the arm, etc.

It’s a way of subtly signaling:

I want to (consensually) cross some boundaries.

6) He shows off

We tend to think of showing off as a bit of an ugly trait, and quite rightly so. But when a guy is trying to attract you, think of it more as peacocking.

He’s putting on a display that will hopefully impress you and win you over.

Signs of this taking place can include:

• The so-called humble brag where he attempts to subtly present to you his best qualities, achievements, or good deeds
• He tries to make you laugh (shared laugher is a recognized sign of attraction, but men specifically want women to laugh at their jokes)
• Talking more and trying to be commanding and take the lead in the conversation
• Arching his back and stretching his chest to appear bigger

I know a lot of this may seem pretty macho and outdated.

Sure, not every guy will take this approach.

That’s especially the case for shy or reserved men who have been shown to be way more laid-back in their approach.

But it’s still a proven tactic of plenty of men, which is why it’s a subtle sign to watch out for.

7) He says nice things to you

It’s not rocket science. When we want people to like us we all know that a compliment goes a long way.

That’s why men have been using flattery since the dawn of time to win us over.

Luckily, certain verbal cues are one of the things that men and women are better at picking up on.

Research has found that we do interpret sexual interest from compliments.

So if he is saying nice things on repeat, there’s probably a good reason for it.

Other verbal signals to pay attention to include:

• Making it clear that he is single and available
• Using mild sexual innuendos as signs of interest

Detecting attraction may seem like navigating a minefield but it’s also a waiting game

A bit of patience can go a long way.

Yet another reason why it’s such a virtue.

We may wish there was an instant tell that indicates if someone is really into us, but human behavior is more complex than that.

Instead, you have to watch out for the subtle cues someone gives off and wait for them to accumulate until you know for sure.

Budding romance, much like a fine wine, may need so time to mature.