If someone raises their voice, it’s clear they’re mad. Tears usually mean sorrow.

Basic human interactions, right?

But it’s not always that simple, especially with those kind-hearted souls who would rather swallow their anger than let it show.

Peeling back those polite layers to know when they’re truly upset can be quite a task. But don’t worry, I’ve got 9 subtle signs to help you out.

Buckle up as we dive into these signifiers and help you understand the unspoken language of the too-nice-to-tell-you crowd.

1) Their smile doesn’t reach their eyes

Emotions are tricky, aren’t they?

They sneak up on you, without any warning, and once they’ve made a home in your heart, they’re not easy to evict. The only choice you have is to embrace them and wait for them to leave at their own pace.

Now imagine this: You’re a kind person, always polite, always caring. You’d rather carry your anger silently than let it out and possibly hurt someone else.

Quite a heavy burden to bear, don’t you think?

But here’s the thing. No matter how hard they try to hide it, their emotions often peek out from the corners of their eyes.

When their smile doesn’t quite reach their eyes, something’s up. They might be putting on a brave face, but underneath the surface, a storm is brewing. 

2) They’re unusually distant

Emotions, especially the uncomfortable ones, have a funny way of making us retreat back into our shells.

Take me for example. I’m one of those people who would rather keep my troubles to myself than let them affect my relationships.

There was this one time when my friend said something that really hurt me. But instead of confronting her, I chose to keep my feelings to myself, because I didn’t want to make a big fuss about it.

I started to distance myself, subtly of course. My usual enthusiastic text responses turned monosyllabic. Our everyday catch-ups became less frequent.

Kind people are generally warm and open. But if they suddenly become distant and their interactions with you start feeling forced, it might mean they’re upset with you but just too polite to say it.

Keep an eye out for this change.

3) They’re quieter than usual

You see, our brains have a fascinating way of processing emotions.

When we’re upset, our brain activates a response called ‘inhibition’, which can cause us to speak less. It’s the brain’s way of protecting us from saying something we might regret later.

So, if your usually chatty friend has suddenly gone quiet, it could be a sign they’re upset. The fact that they’re too polite to say anything doesn’t mean they don’t want you to notice.

The next time you find your kind-hearted friend unusually quiet, it might be worth gently asking if something’s bothering them. They might just be waiting for you to notice.

4) Their body language changes

Emotions are not just felt, they’re seen. Even when we try our best to hide them, they have a way of seeping into our body language.

Body language is an expressive tool that can reveal a lot about someone’s emotional state. It might be a tensed posture, crossed arms, or even avoiding eye contact – these are all subtle signs that a kind person might be upset with you.

They might not say anything, but their body language can tell you a whole different story. It’s like an unspoken dialogue that only those who pay attention can understand.

Notice a change in someone’s body language?

Take it as a sign. It might be their polite way of letting you know that something’s not right.

5) They avoid personal topics

Emotions, especially the ones we’d rather hide, can make us divert conversations away from anything too personal.

I’ve done this myself plenty of times. When I’m upset with someone, I steer clear of any topic that might lead to a confrontation or an emotional outpouring.

Instead, I stick to safe topics like the weather or the latest movie. It’s my way of maintaining a polite conversation without giving away that I’m upset.

6) They’re overly polite

Ever noticed how some people become excessively polite when they’re upset?

It’s like they’re trying to overcompensate for the anger or irritation they’re feeling inside.

Instead of lashing out, they wrap their words in layers of politeness. It might seem like they’re being extra nice, but it could be a subtle sign that they’re upset with you.

So if the kindness seems a bit too much, or the politeness seems forced, take it as a sign. They might be upset but are trying their best to not let it show.

7) They’re more reserved with their affection

Kind, polite people are usually generous with their affection. They’re the first ones to give a warm hug or a comforting pat on the back.

But when they’re upset, this affection often becomes more reserved.

It’s not that they care any less. It’s just that their upset feelings create a sort of barrier that makes it difficult for them to express their affection as freely as they usually would.

If you ever notice a decrease in the usual hugs, smiles, or kind words, it could be a sign. They might be upset with you but are too polite to express it directly.

8) They’re trying to spend less time with you

Here’s another thing.

If a kind person is upset with you, one of the most noticeable signs could be that they’re trying to spend less time with you. They might cancel plans or seem busy more often than usual.

This isn’t because they don’t value your company anymore. It’s just their polite way of getting some space to process their feelings. They might just be dealing with their upset emotions in their own quiet way.

Understanding the silent language of emotions

If you’ve made it this far, you’ll have realized that kind people, though a pleasure to be around, can sometimes be hard to read when they’re upset.

Because being kind doesn’t mean they don’t get upset. It simply means they prefer not to burden others with their negative emotions. They value harmony and peace over confrontation.

Remember, these signs are not an accusation but an invitation to understand them better. To show them that you notice, you care, and you’re there for them even when they’re too polite to express their feelings.

In the end, it’s all about empathy and understanding. Recognizing these signs means you’re able to see beyond the surface and understand the silent language of their emotions.

And if you can do that, then not only are you a good friend, but also an emotionally intelligent one. And that’s a skill worth nurturing.

So next time you’re around a kind person who seems a bit off, remember these signs. They might just help you bridge the gap of unspoken words and unexpressed feelings.