Navigating a conversation with a narcissist can feel like stepping into a minefield—one wrong word, and you’re left feeling confused, hurt, or even questioning your own reality.

They have a knack for weaving words that seem innocuous on the surface but are laced with manipulation and control.

But it is possible to reclaim your power.

Understanding a narcissist’s tactics is the first step in breaking free from their influence and learning to trust your own feelings again.

In this article, we’ll explore eight subtle phrases that narcissists often use to inflict pain while deftly avoiding accountability for their actions.

By recognizing these phrases, you can empower yourself to respond more effectively, protect your emotional well-being, and reclaim your sense of self.

1) “You’re too sensitive”

This is a classic phrase narcissists use to subtly undermine your feelings. By accusing you of being too sensitive, they effectively shift the blame onto you for feeling hurt or upset by their actions or words.

It’s a cunning way of avoiding accountability.

Let’s say, for example, the narcissist makes a harsh comment about your appearance. You feel hurt and express your hurt feelings.

Instead of apologizing, they respond with, “You’re too sensitive.”

This not only invalidates your feelings but also subtly suggests that the problem lies with you, not with their hurtful comment.

This tactic can leave you questioning your own emotions and responses. Over time, you might start believing that you are indeed too sensitive and stop expressing your feelings to avoid being labeled as such.

This plays right into the narcissist’s hands, as it allows them to continue their hurtful behavior without having to take responsibility for it.

2) “I was just joking”

Narcissists often use humor as a disguise for their hurtful comments.

When they say something that stings, and you react, they might quickly retreat behind the shield of humor, insisting, “I was just joking”.

The problem is, their ‘jokes’ often carry a punch.

They might belittle you or make fun of your insecurities, all under the guise of humor. And when you express your hurt, they dismiss your feelings by saying you can’t take a joke.

This tactic serves a dual purpose.

Firstly, it allows them to say hurtful things without having to own up to their intentions. Secondly, it makes you doubt your own sense of humor and judgment.

The key here is to trust your feelings. If a ‘joke’ hurts, it’s not funny. It’s okay to communicate that and set boundaries around what you find acceptable humor.

3) “No one else thinks that”

Narcissists thrive on making you feel isolated and alone in your thoughts.

A common phrase they use is, “No one else thinks that,” implying that your viewpoint or feelings are invalid.

This tactic is based on the principle of social proof – we often look to others to validate our own thoughts and feelings.

By suggesting that everyone else disagrees with you, the narcissist seeks to destabilize your confidence in your own perceptions.

Don’t let this manipulation make you doubt yourself. Remember, your feelings and thoughts are valid, regardless of whether others share them or not.

4) “You always…”/”You never…”

Narcissists have a knack for using absolutes to make you feel inadequate or deficient.

Phrases starting with “You always…” or “You never…” are common examples. These statements are not only unfair, but also untrue.

For instance, they might say, “You never listen to me,” or “You always forget important things.”

These statements can be deeply hurtful, making you feel as though you’re constantly failing them.

Everyone makes mistakes and it’s impossible to always or never do something.

Instead of internalizing these criticisms, try to see them for what they are – attempts to undermine your self-esteem. You’re doing your best, and that’s more than enough.

5) “If you really loved me, you would…”

This phrase is a classic example of emotional blackmail used by narcissists. They manipulate your feelings of love and commitment to get what they want.

For example, they might say, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t go out with your friends tonight.”

This makes you feel guilty for wanting to do something perfectly normal. It’s a way to control your actions and make you feel like you’re not giving enough in the relationship.

But real love is about respect and understanding, not control and manipulation. It’s perfectly okay to have boundaries and not give in to such demands. 

6) “I’m the victim here”

Narcissists have an uncanny ability to twist any situation to make themselves appear as the victim, even when they are clearly in the wrong.

I recall a situation where a friend was in a relationship with a narcissist.

One day, he forgot about their dinner date, leaving her waiting at the restaurant for hours.

When she confronted him later, he turned the tables, saying how she didn’t understand the pressure he was under at work and how she was making him feel bad for something that wasn’t his fault.

He effectively made himself the ‘victim’ in a situation where he had clearly let her down.

This kind of manipulation is emotionally draining. If you find yourself constantly feeling guilty and apologizing, even when you haven’t done anything wrong, it’s time to evaluate the dynamics of your relationship.

7) “You’re imagining things”

This phrase is a classic gaslighting technique used by narcissists. By telling you that you’re imagining things, they make you doubt your own perceptions and memories.

Perhaps there was an argument where they said something hurtful. You bring it up later, only to be told, “That never happened, you’re imagining things.”

This is a blatant attempt to rewrite reality and maintain control.

Don’t let them shake your trust in your own experiences and memories. Stand firm in your truth. You know what happened, and you have every right to feel hurt or upset about it.

8) “You owe me”

Narcissists often feel a sense of entitlement, believing that others owe them something just because of who they are. They might say, “You owe me” to manipulate you into doing what they want.

However, remember that in a healthy relationship, kindness and love are given freely, not with the expectation of something in return. You don’t owe anyone anything for simply being in a relationship with them.

Ultimately, the most important thing to know is that you deserve respect and understanding. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. 

Conclusion

Recognizing the subtle phrases that narcissists use to manipulate and hurt can be a game-changer. By understanding their tactics, you not only arm yourself with knowledge but also create a protective barrier against their influence.

As you navigate your relationships, trust your instincts and don’t shy away from asserting your boundaries.

The journey may be challenging, but remember, you’re stronger than you think. You have the power to define your boundaries and demand the respect you deserve.