I’ve been on the receiving end of excuses more times than I can count—those slippery phrases that sound harmless but somehow leave you carrying the weight of someone else’s mistake.

“You’re misunderstanding me,” or my personal favorite, “I didn’t have a choice.”

They’re like tiny landmines in a conversation, shifting responsibility just enough to leave you questioning whether you’re the problem.

It’s fascinating how language can be weaponized to dodge accountability.

Low-quality people? They’ve turned it into an art form.

So, let’s talk about the red flags—eight subtle phrases that reveal when someone’s trying to sidestep responsibility. Knowing them won’t just help you spot the behavior; it’ll save you the frustration of falling for it.

1) “It’s not my fault…”

There’s a common thread among low-quality individuals when it comes to evading responsibility – the blame game.

And one phrase you’ll often hear from them is “It’s not my fault…”

This phrase is essentially a neon sign flashing “I don’t want to take responsibility.”

You see, when faced with a problem or setback, high-quality people don’t waste time shifting the blame. They own up, take action, and find solutions.

Low-quality people, however, choose to play the victim. By claiming that it’s not their fault, they try to absolve themselves of any wrongdoing.

They deflect accountability by pointing fingers elsewhere, avoiding any form of personal responsibility.

Watch out for this phrase. It’s often a clear indicator that someone is trying to dodge accountability and shift blame.

Holding ourselves accountable for our actions is an essential part of personal growth. Don’t let anyone else’s avoidance of responsibility hinder your own growth journey.

2) “You’re misunderstanding me…”

This is one phrase I’ve personally encountered quite a few times.

Once, a colleague of mine consistently dropped the ball on tasks that were clearly part of his responsibilities.

When I finally confronted him about it, his response was, “You’re misunderstanding me…”

Here’s the thing – this phrase can be tricky. It’s often used to create doubt and confusion, making you question your own understanding of the situation.

In my case, it made me second-guess myself. Was I being too harsh? Had I misunderstood his role?

Upon reflection, I realized the truth – he was using this tactic to evade accountability.

Instead of owning up to his mistakes, he was subtly shifting the blame onto me by implying that I was the one who had misunderstood.

It’s a clever diversion and a clear sign of someone avoiding responsibility. So next time you hear this phrase, make sure you take a step back and assess the situation objectively.

3) “That’s just how I am…”

Have you ever heard someone dismiss their actions with the phrase, “That’s just how I am”?

This is a classic move by individuals trying to dodge accountability.

They use this phrase as an excuse for their behavior, implying that they can’t change because it’s just part of their personality.

In reality, this couldn’t be further from the truth. According to research, people can and do change their behaviors over time.

Psychologists highlight that it’s not always easy, but with self-awareness and effort, change is certainly possible.

So when you hear someone deflecting criticism or responsibility with “That’s just how I am…”, remember that it’s not a valid excuse.

It’s merely an attempt to avoid accountability and shift blame.

4) “I didn’t mean to…”

Another subtle phrase often used to avoid accountability is “I didn’t mean to…”

Typically, this phrase is used to downplay the consequences of one’s actions.

The person using it usually hopes to get a pass, based on their good intentions.

The problem with this phrase is that it focuses on intention rather than impact. Regardless of what was meant, the end result remains the same, and it’s essential to take responsibility for that.

When you hear “I didn’t mean to…”, be aware that it could be a sign of someone trying to sidestep accountability and shift blame away from themselves.

5) “I didn’t have a choice…”

One phrase that often tugs at the heartstrings is, “I didn’t have a choice…”

This phrase is typically used to evoke sympathy and deflect blame.

The person using it positions themselves as the victim of circumstances, implying they were forced into their actions.

However, in most situations, we do have a choice. It may not always be an easy or clear-cut choice, but it’s a choice nonetheless.

When we hear “I didn’t have a choice…”, it’s essential to remember that this could be an attempt to avoid responsibility. It’s a plea for understanding, for empathy, but it should not negate accountability.

We all face difficult decisions at times, but part of being a high-quality person is owning those choices and accepting the consequences they bring.

6) “I was just following orders…”

In my early career, I had a boss who would often make questionable decisions.

When confronted about the outcomes, he’d simply say, “I was just following orders…”

This phrase is a classic defense mechanism used to shift blame upwards. It’s a way of saying, “Don’t blame me, blame the person who gave the order.”

The problem with this excuse is that it removes personal agency. We all have a choice in how we respond to orders, especially when those orders lead to negative consequences.

Hearing “I was just following orders…” taught me a valuable lesson about accountability.

We make our own choices in response to the orders that are given to us. We all have the power and responsibility to make ethical decisions, regardless of what we’re told to do.

7) “It’s not a big deal…”

Another common phrase used to dodge accountability is “It’s not a big deal…”

This is a classic minimization tactic, often used by interrogators to downplay the severity of the crime circumstances.

By downplaying the impact or severity of their actions, individuals can avoid taking full responsibility for their mistakes.

The truth is, whether something is a ‘big deal’ or not isn’t for the person who caused the problem to decide. It’s for those who are impacted by it to determine.

When you hear “It’s not a big deal…”, be aware that this could be an attempt to sidestep accountability.

Recognize it for what it is – a deflection technique used to shift blame and avoid dealing with the consequences of one’s actions.

8) “I did my best…”

The final phrase to watch out for is, “I did my best…”

On the surface, this statement seems acceptable. After all, what more can we ask for than someone’s best effort?

However, when used in the context of shifting blame or avoiding accountability, it becomes problematic.

The phrase can be used to dodge constructive criticism or avoid learning from mistakes.

Regardless of whether someone did their ‘best’ or not, they should still take responsibility for the outcome.

Final thoughts

When I think about accountability, I’m reminded of all the times I’ve fallen for those sneaky little phrases.

At first, they seem harmless, almost reasonable—until you realize they’re just clever ways to dodge responsibility.

And honestly? Owning up might be hard, but it’s the only way to grow.

Eleanor Roosevelt had it right: “The choices we make are ultimately our responsibility.”

Whether it’s at work, with friends, or in our own self-reflection, accountability is where real change happens.

So, if you catch yourself or someone else tossing out these phrases, pause. Call it what it is and ask the hard question: What does taking responsibility look like here?

Because the truth is, accountability is the first step toward shaping a better version of ourselves. And that’s something worth striving for.