7 subtle body language cues that reveal low self-esteem

Tina Fey by Tina Fey | May 13, 2024, 9:48 pm

Whenever I meet someone new, I can pretty much tell if that person is confident or has a shaky sense of self-esteem. 

There’s no special skill to it, just a fairly good grasp of body language cues and how they can reveal one’s self-perception. 

Low self-esteem can subtly manifest itself in the way we carry ourselves, the gestures we make, and even in our facial expressions. 

In this article, I’ll share with you 7 subtle body language cues that reveal low self-esteem. By the end of it, you’ll be able to spot these signs in others and perhaps even catch yourself if you’re displaying them.

1) Slouched posture

One of the most common, yet often overlooked signs of low self-esteem is a slouched posture.

When we’re not feeling confident, our bodies reflect it. We tend to hunch our shoulders, lower our heads, and curve our spines. It’s as if we’re trying to make ourselves smaller, less noticeable.

A confident person, on the other hand, stands tall, with their shoulders back and head held high. This is a non-verbal way of saying, “I’m here, you can’t miss me!”

So next time you’re interacting with someone, take a moment to observe their posture. Is it open and confident or closed and slouched? This could give you a hint about their self-esteem levels.

That said, keep in mind that everyone has off days where they might slouch or not hold themselves as confidently. It’s when these patterns persist that they can indicate low self-esteem.

2) Taking up less space

Aside from slouching, some people also tend to shrink themselves to take up as little space as possible. This is another subtle body language cue that can reveal low self-esteem.

I used to do this a lot. Whether it was crossing my arms and legs in a crowded room, or pulling back in conversations, I was always trying to minimize my presence.

It all comes down to feelings of unworthiness or fear of intrusion. I often had this overly apologetic attitude where I never wanted to be a burden. Even if there was no reason for me to think that way!

It took a lot of self-reflection and work on my self-esteem to realize that I have just as much right to occupy space – physically and metaphorically – as anyone else.

On the flip side, people with high self-esteem are generally comfortable taking up space because they feel deserving of it.

3) Avoiding eye contact

Another subtle cue I’ve noticed in people with low self-esteem is avoiding eye contact.

I recall a time when I was mentoring a young intern. She was bright and full of potential, but she often struggled to maintain eye contact during our conversations. 

At first, I thought it might be due to cultural differences or perhaps she was just shy. However, as I got to know her better, I realized it was more than that. 

She lacked confidence in her abilities and often doubted her worth. This was reflected in the way she avoided eye contact, as though she felt unworthy of being seen or heard.

You see, eye contact is a powerful form of non-verbal communication. It can convey interest, attention, and confidence. So when someone consistently avoids it, it could be a sign of their low self-esteem.

Again, it’s important to remember that not everyone who avoids eye contact has low self-esteem. But when combined with other cues, it can be a strong indicator.

4) Fidgeting

Did you know that excessive fidgeting can also be a sign of low self-esteem? It’s a behavior that people often resort to when they’re feeling anxious or insecure.

According to WebMd, “Fidgeting may be an unconscious mechanism. Your body fidgets to self-regulate certain body functions, like attention, weight, or stress.” 

In short, a form of self-soothing. In some cases, it could also be a sign of boredom, impatience, or even excitement. 

Whatever the reason, it doesn’t exactly scream confidence. It’s hard to see someone who’s constantly playing with their hair, tapping their foot, or wringing their hands during a conversation and think that they’re sure of themselves. 

5) Rarely smiling

A genuine smile can speak volumes about a person’s confidence and self-esteem. When we feel good about ourselves, it’s naturally reflected in our expressions.

On the contrary, individuals with low self-esteem might seldom smile genuinely. They may either put on a forced smile to fit in, or hardly smile at all, even in situations where it would be normal to do so.

Of course, not everyone who doesn’t smile often has low self-esteem. Some people are just naturally more serious or reserved. 

But if you notice a lack of genuine smiles paired with other signs on this list, it could be an indicator of low self-esteem.

6) Over-nodding

When we engage in a conversation, nodding is a natural and instinctive gesture, signaling agreement or understanding. 

However, when this nodding becomes excessive, it can reveal a deeper story about our self-perception and confidence levels.

I remember a time when I found myself repeatedly nodding during a work meeting. It was almost as if I was trying to convince my colleagues – and perhaps myself – that I was in sync with their ideas, even when I wasn’t fully onboard. 

This over-nodding, I later realized, was my body’s way of seeking approval, a silent plea to be accepted and valued. 

It’s a common trait among those who feel uncertain about their place in a conversation or a group. They nod excessively, not necessarily because they agree, but because they fear that expressing dissent or even neutrality might lead to conflict or disapproval.

At the core of this is a deep-seated belief that their own opinions are less valuable or less likely to be accepted. It’s a form of non-verbal overcompensation, where we inadvertently send out signals that we’re agreeable and compliant, often at the expense of our true thoughts and feelings. 

By recognizing this pattern in ourselves, we can start to work on expressing our opinions more confidently and assertively.

7) Shuffling feet

Let’s compare two men: The first one walks into a room with huge strides, maybe even a spring in his step. Then the second one enters with shuffling feet or tiny, uncertain steps. 

Which one do you think would be perceived as more confident? The first one, right? 

As for the second one, well, I’m afraid that his shuffling feet are a dead giveaway that he isn’t very sure of himself. 

Even if one was simply standing but shuffling their feet, it could be a sign of low self-esteem. Those restless feet could be a reflection of their internal state of discomfort and a subconscious effort to make themselves feel a little more comfortable.

Understanding, not labeling

Our body language is a window into our inner world — it subtly reveals emotions and self-perceptions that we may not express verbally.

Recognizing these subtle cues in ourselves and others can be a powerful tool for understanding. It can guide us in offering support to those struggling with low self-esteem and also help us identify when we might be falling into patterns of low self-worth ourselves.

However, it’s important to remember that these cues aren’t definitive proof of low self-esteem. People are complex, and their behaviors can be influenced by a multitude of factors. These indicators are merely potential signs worth noting, not labels to be applied.

Awareness is the first step towards change. So, whether it’s you or someone you know exhibiting these cues, remember that there’s always room for growth and improvement.

Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *