Resentment is a quiet force that can slowly erode the foundation of even the strongest relationships.

It often starts with small, seemingly insignificant behaviors, but if left unchecked, resentment inevitably grows into contempt—a feeling that can be fatal to any relationship.

According to research from The Gottman Institute, contempt is the most destructive behavior a couple can engage in, often leading to the breakdown of trust, intimacy, and respect.

In this article, we’ll delve into eight subtle behaviors that almost always cause resentment in a relationship, shedding light on how these initially minor actions can lead to deeper, more damaging issues.

By recognizing and addressing these behaviors early on, you can protect your relationship from the corrosive effects of resentment and build a stronger, more loving connection.

1) Expecting mind-reading

Let’s admit it, we’ve all been there. We wish our partner would just know what we want, how we feel, without us having to spell it out.

It’s as if we expect them to be psychic.

Unfortunately, this isn’t a fair expectation. No matter how connected you are with your partner, they can’t read your mind. Assuming they can leads to unspoken expectations and misunderstandings.

In my years of experience as a relationship expert, I’ve witnessed this behavior repeatedly. One partner gets upset because the other didn’t intuitively know what they wanted or needed.

The truth is that expecting mind-reading in a relationship sets your partner up for failure and you up for disappointment.

It’s an under-the-radar behavior that can cause resentment over time.

To avoid this pitfall, practice open and honest communication by expressing your needs clearly.

Your partner loves you but they’re not a mind-reader. They’re just human.

2) Taking, not giving

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen this one. We get so wrapped up in what we’re getting from the relationship that we lose sight of what we’re giving to it.

But relationships are a two-way street, my friends.

I’ve seen many couples fall into the taking trap, leading to a one-sided relationship.

Over time, if one partner feels they’re always giving and not receiving enough in return, resentment can build.

Love is about balance. It’s about both giving and receiving in equal measures.

So take a moment every now and then to check in with yourself. Are you giving as much as you’re taking? If not, it may be time for some adjustments.

3) Codependency

This one hits close to home for me.

Codependency is a relationship pattern that I’ve personally wrestled with and it’s something I explore in-depth in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.

It’s when you rely on your partner for your happiness, self-worth, and identity.

Sounds heavy, right?

That’s because it is. Codependency can be a silent relationship killer, breeding resentment on both sides.

The person who is codependent might feel unfulfilled and frustrated because they’re looking for validation in the wrong place.

Their partner, on the other hand, can feel suffocated and overwhelmed by the constant need for reassurance.

Breaking free from codependency isn’t easy, but it’s necessary for a healthy, balanced relationship.

For more insights on this topic, I invite you to explore my book. It’s packed with practical strategies to help you create a more fulfilling, independent love life.

4) Always agreeing

Seems strange, doesn’t it?

You might think that always agreeing with your partner would make for a smooth relationship.

But in fact, it can lead to the exact opposite – resentment.

Here’s why…

When you’re always nodding along, even when you don’t truly agree, you’re suppressing your own feelings and opinions.

And let’s be honest, that can be exhausting and frankly, pretty frustrating.

Relationships involve respecting your partner’s views but also your own.

You’re an individual with your own thoughts and feelings. It’s okay to express them, even if they don’t align with your partner’s.

So don’t be afraid to disagree sometimes. Conflict can actually strengthen your bond, as long as it’s done respectfully and constructively.

5) Lack of personal space

Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt smothered in a relationship. I know I have.

While it’s wonderful to share interests, friends, and activities with your partner, research shows it’s crucial to have your own life outside the relationship.

I learned this the hard way in one of my past relationships.

We spent every waking moment together, and while it was fun at first, over time it became suffocating. I started to lose my sense of self.

When you don’t maintain your individuality and personal space, resentment can creep in.

You might start feeling like you’re losing yourself or even feel trapped.

A relationship should be about two whole individuals coming together, not two halves becoming one.

So, take time for you. Nurture your hobbies, hang out with your friends, and enjoy some alone time. Trust me, your relationship will be better for it.

6) Keeping score

This one’s a tough pill to swallow, but we need to talk about it. Keeping score in a relationship is a recipe for disaster.

When you start tallying who did what and when, you’re shifting from cooperation to competition.

And let me tell you, a relationship isn’t a game where someone has to win and someone has to lose.

According to psychologists like Dr Abby Medcalf, keeping score breeds resentment because it creates an environment of inequality and constant comparison.

It’s like you’re always trying to one-up each other instead of working together.

Let’s be brutally honest here. Nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes.

When your partner messes up, talk about it, resolve it, and then let it go. Don’t keep it as ammunition for the next argument.

7) Lack of appreciation

This one resonates deeply with me.

I’ve learned from experience that one of the fastest ways to breed resentment in a relationship is by not showing appreciation.

As Mother Teresa said,“There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.”

This holds true, especially in relationships. 

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to overlook the small things your partner does.

Maybe they always make sure your favorite coffee is stocked, or perhaps they handle the bills so you don’t have to stress.

These things may seem small but they’re acts of love.

If these efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated over time, it can lead to feelings of being taken for granted. And trust me, that’s a surefire way to build resentment.

So make it a habit to express gratitude for the little things your partner does. A simple “thank you” goes a long way in nurturing love and warding off resentment.

8) Ignoring emotional needs

This is going to sting a little, but it needs to be said. Ignoring your partner’s emotional needs is a ticking time bomb in any relationship.

We all have emotional needs – to feel loved, valued, safe, and secure. When these needs are consistently ignored, it can lead to feelings of neglect and resentment.

Maybe you’re always busy with work and don’t make time for deep conversations. Or perhaps you brush off your partner’s feelings as being too sensitive or dramatic.

These actions can deeply hurt your partner and create a wedge between you two.

According to psychology, emotional intimacy is just as important as physical intimacy in a relationship. It’s about being there for your partner, not just in body but also in mind and spirit.

Ignoring your partner’s emotional needs might not seem like a big deal in the moment, but believe me, it adds up over time.

So make it a priority to connect emotionally with your partner. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.

Wrapping up

While these actions might seem minor at first, their cumulative effect can lead to deeper issues like contempt, which research shows is incredibly destructive.

By becoming aware of these behaviors and actively working to change them, you can prevent resentment from taking root and undermining your connection.

Open communication, empathy, and mutual respect are key to nurturing a relationship that thrives.

If you found this article helpful and want to dive deeper, I invite you to check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.

It’s packed with more insights and practical strategies to help you build a healthier, more balanced relationship.