For a long time, I was puzzled by people who seemed to lack empathy.

You know the type:

• They don’t seem to understand others’ feelings
• They rarely show compassion
• Their own emotions seem to trump everything else
• They exist in every social circle, yet remain somewhat disconnected.

And they leave you feeling empty or invalidated after every interaction.

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit, and a self-confessed psychology enthusiast. A few years ago, I found myself often bewildered by these individuals.

Why did they act this way? Was it intentional or were they simply unaware?

I was surrounded by people who seemed to feel very little empathy for others. It was frustrating and often hurtful.

That’s when I decided to delve into the depths of psychology to find some answers.

And what I discovered was eye-opening; 7 subtle behaviors that these individuals display, according to psychology.

Let’s dive in.

1) Emotional disconnection

The first behavior I noticed in people with low empathy is their emotional disconnection.

It’s an intriguing, yet distressing phenomenon.

While most of us can pick up on the emotional cues from others and respond appropriately, these individuals seem to lack this ability.

Conversations with them often feel one-sided. It’s as if they’re there physically, but emotionally, they’re miles away.

They don’t react or respond to your feelings the way most people would. This emotional disconnect can leave you feeling unheard and invalidated.

Psychology suggests that this may be because they struggle to put themselves in another’s shoes emotionally, a key component of empathy. They’re unable to visualize how someone else might be feeling.

Recognizing this behavior can help you understand that it’s not about you or your feelings, but about their struggle with empathy. It can provide a starting point for setting boundaries and managing interactions with such individuals.

2) Lack of active listening

I remember a friend who would always redirect every conversation back to herself. It was as if my experiences or feelings didn’t matter.

Sharing my day or expressing my concerns turned into a monologue about her life. It was exhausting and left me feeling unheard.

Psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good!”

Unfortunately, with people who lack empathy, the experience is often the opposite. They don’t fully engage in conversations that aren’t directly about them.

This tendency to steer the conversation back to themselves isn’t necessarily out of self-obsession. Rather, it’s another sign of their struggle with empathy – a difficulty in understanding and engaging with others’ emotions and experiences.

3) Difficulty in giving genuine compliments

I recall a colleague who, despite being talented, struggled to acknowledge others’ successes. It was as if complimenting someone else diminished his own achievements.

When he did compliment, it often felt forced or insincere, as though he were reading from a script rather than speaking from the heart.

This might seem like a small thing, but genuine compliments are a form of emotional connection. They show that we understand and appreciate others’ efforts and achievements.

People with low empathy often struggle with this. They might give compliments that feel shallow or even backhanded, leaving the recipient feeling confused or uncomfortable.

Acknowledging this behavior can help us to not take such interactions personally. Instead, we can see it as another sign of their struggle with empathy, their difficulty in connecting with the emotions and experiences of others.

4) Struggle with non-verbal cues

People with low empathy often miss facial expressions, body language or tone of voice that indicate how someone else is feeling.

I remember an old acquaintance of mine who would relentlessly carry on a debate, oblivious to the fact that his audience was visibly uncomfortable or disinterested.

Research backs this up.

According to a study published in the journal “Brain and Cognition”, individuals with low empathy have difficulty recognizing emotions in others based on non-verbal signals. They struggle to identify feelings such as anger, sadness, or joy just by observing someone’s facial expressions or body language.

This inability to pick up on non-verbal cues can lead to awkward interactions and miscommunications. Understanding this can help us to communicate more effectively with those who show this behavior.

5) Inability to comfort others

There was a situation where a friend of mine was going through a tough breakup. Another mutual friend, who generally showed low empathy, struggled to provide any consolation.

Instead of offering comforting words or simply being present, he would dismiss her feelings and tell her to “just get over it.”

This inability to comfort is another sign of their struggle with empathy. It’s not that they don’t care, but they find it hard to understand and share the feelings of others, especially when those feelings are negative.

If you see this behavior, knowing about it can help us understand that it’s not personal or a reflection of the validity of our feelings. But, it’s simply a struggle on their part to empathize and provide emotional support.

6) Insensitivity to social norms

Talking about the same person, I went to a funeral with him. While everyone else was somber and respectful, he cracked inappropriate jokes, seemingly oblivious to the mood of the occasion.

Renowned psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen once said that “Empathy is like a universal solvent. Any problem immersed in empathy becomes soluble.”

However, for those struggling with empathy, they often fail to read the “emotional room”, leading to actions that might seem insensitive or out of place.

Understanding this behavior can provide context for these seemingly odd or inappropriate actions. It’s not necessarily a lack of respect or consideration, but rather a struggle in understanding and conforming to social norms and the emotional context of situations.

7) Overemphasis on logic

The seventh behavior might seem counterintuitive: an overemphasis on logic.

I had a professor who would always approach every situation, no matter how emotional, with pure logic. It was as if feelings didn’t matter, only facts and rational arguments did.

While valuing logic isn’t inherently bad, empathy requires balancing it with emotional understanding. People with low empathy often struggle with this balance. They might dismiss emotional arguments as invalid or irrelevant, leading to frustrating and unfulfilling interactions.

So, what can we do when confronted with this behavior? One practical approach is to frame our thoughts and feelings in a logical manner when communicating with such individuals.

This can help them better understand our perspective and hopefully lead to more constructive conversations.

Conclusion

Interacting with people who show low empathy can be challenging and often leaves us feeling misunderstood or invalidated. However, understanding these subtle behaviors can provide valuable insight into their world.

Keep in mind that it’s not a personal reflection on you or your feelings. It’s simply a struggle they have with understanding and sharing emotions.

The key is maintaining your own emotional health. Establish boundaries, communicate effectively, and remember to empathize with yourself too. After all, dealing with such individuals can be taxing.

And finally, remember this: you cannot control how others behave or feel, but you can control how you respond. Be patient, be kind, and most importantly, be empathetic.

It might not always be reciprocated, but it will help you navigate these interactions with grace and understanding.