As individuals, it’s crucial to understand our self-worth, feel valued, and treat ourselves with respect. Unfortunately, not everyone grasps this fundamental concept.

When someone doesn’t genuinely value themselves, it manifests in their behavior, often subtly.

This lack of self-esteem can lead to feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness, potentially propelling them into harmful situations or relationships.

There are specific patterns and behaviors that can indicate a person may not truly value themselves. These signs can be subtle, and they may increase or evolve over time.

We’re going to delve into these indicators to help you recognize them either in yourself or in people around you.

1) They constantly self-deprecate

Belittling oneself is not always as evident as blatant remarks about one’s incompetence or worthlessness. Sometimes it can be subtle, often masked as self-deprecating humor.

Over time, you might notice a pattern of them consistently underselling their achievements, or brushing off compliments as if they’re undeserved.

They might constantly compare themselves unfavorably to others, or have a running commentary about their perceived flaws and mistakes.

In conversations, they might often joke about being “the worst” or “stupid”. You might find them dismissing their abilities, even in areas where they clearly excel.

This constant self-deprecation is not just about having a modest or humble demeanor.

It’s a sign of a deep-seated belief that they’re genuinely less valuable or less competent than others. It’s a clear indicator of people who don’t genuinely value themselves.

2) They struggle to accept compliments

It’s natural to blush or feel a little awkward when someone showers us with praise. But for individuals who don’t genuinely value themselves, compliments are not just embarrassing – they’re almost unbearable.

You’ll notice them quickly deflecting praise, changing the subject, or outright denying the positive attribute pointed out.

They may respond with something like “Oh, it was nothing” or “I just got lucky” when complimented on their achievements.

This behavior stems from their disbelief that they could possibly be deserving of praise.

They struggle to see their own worth and therefore find it difficult to believe that others can see it too. This is not just a sign of modesty, but a clear indicator of a lack of self-value.

3) They overcompensate with perfectionism

Perfectionism is often seen as a positive trait, a sign of diligence and high standards. But for individuals who don’t value themselves, it can be a subtle sign of their internal struggle.

They may push themselves to achieve flawless results in everything they do, from their professional work to their personal appearance.

Every mistake or setback is taken as a personal failure that further reinforces their belief of not being good enough.

They might spend excessive time and effort on tasks, obsessing over every detail. This isn’t just because they want to do well, but because they fear that anything less than perfect will confirm their own self-doubt.

This relentless pursuit of perfection is not about setting high standards; it’s about trying to prove to themselves and others that they are valuable and worthy.

4) They always put others first

On the surface, being selfless and always thinking of others seems like an admirable quality. But for those who don’t genuinely value themselves, this trait often comes from a place of self-neglect.

These individuals consistently prioritize the needs and wants of others over their own. They might always be the one to compromise in a disagreement, or the one who skips their own plans to accommodate others.

They may struggle to say ‘no’, even when they are overwhelmed or their own well-being is at stake.

This isn’t because they don’t have their own desires or opinions. Rather, it’s because they believe that their needs are less important than those of others.

This constant self-sacrifice isn’t just about being generous or considerate; it’s a reflection of how little they value their own needs and happiness.

5) They are overly apologetic

Saying ‘sorry’ when we’ve done something wrong is a sign of respect and empathy. But for those who don’t genuinely value themselves, ‘sorry’ is often a default response, used even when they’ve done nothing wrong.

These individuals may apologize for things that are beyond their control, or for expressing their own feelings and needs.

They might say ‘sorry’ when they ask a question, express a differing opinion, or even when someone else bumps into them.

This isn’t because they’re always at fault. Instead, it’s because they feel an inherent need to minimize their presence and impact on others. They believe that by apologizing, they can avoid conflict or disapproval.

Their constant apologies aren’t just about politeness; they’re a reflection of their struggle to assert their own worthiness in the world.

6) They constantly seek validation

We all appreciate a nod of approval or words of affirmation from time to time. But for those who don’t genuinely value themselves, validation from others is not just appreciated, it’s essential.

They may constantly seek reassurance about their decisions, their appearance, their ideas, or even their feelings. They might frequently ask questions like “Was that okay?” or “Do you think I did that right?”

This isn’t because they lack judgment or discernment. Rather, it’s because they doubt their own worth and abilities. They rely on others to affirm their value because they struggle to see it in themselves.

Their constant need for validation isn’t just about seeking advice; it’s a sign of their struggle to trust their own worth and capabilities.

7) They are the ultimate peacekeepers

Ah, the peacemakers! Those lovely souls who are always there to smooth over any conflict or disagreement.

It’s a wonderful trait to have, but for individuals who don’t genuinely value themselves, it’s often born out of a fear of discord.

They’re always the ones to mediate during arguments, even when they’re not directly involved. They might often agree just for the sake of avoiding conflict, or downplay their own feelings to keep the peace.

This isn’t because they love harmony more than anyone else. Instead, it’s because they fear that any form of conflict or disagreement might lead to rejection or loss.

Being a peacemaker isn’t just about loving harmony; it’s also a sign that they are afraid to assert themselves or their needs due to a lack of self-value.

8) They tolerate poor treatment

Nobody deserves to be treated poorly, yet some people tend to accept less than they deserve. For those who don’t genuinely value themselves, tolerating subpar treatment is a red flag.

They might stay in relationships where they’re constantly belittled, or stick with friends who don’t respect their boundaries.

Their jobs may be a constant source of stress, but they’ll swallow it down, believing they can’t do better.

This isn’t because they enjoy being mistreated. Rather, it’s because they’ve convinced themselves that they’re not worth more.

They endure poor treatment as they fear that standing up for themselves will lead to conflict or loss.

Tolerating poor treatment isn’t just about being patient or understanding; it’s a heartbreaking sign of their lack of self-worth and self-respect.

9) They downplay their own successes

Celebrating our achievements is a healthy way of recognizing our hard work and efforts. But for those who don’t genuinely value themselves, their victories are often shrugged off or downplayed.

They might attribute their successes to luck or external factors, rather than their own abilities or hard work. They could be promoted at work, but dismiss it as “they probably couldn’t find anyone else” or “I just got lucky”.

This isn’t because they’re humble. It’s because they struggle to accept that they can and have achieved something noteworthy. They find it hard to believe in their abilities and thus, downplay their successes.

Downplaying one’s own successes is not just about being modest; it’s a key sign of a person not recognizing their own worth.

Every victory, big or small, is a testament to your capabilities and you should take pride in them.

Wrapping up

If you’ve recognized some of these behaviors in yourself, it’s important to remember that this isn’t about laying blame or fostering guilt.

Instead, it’s about becoming aware of patterns that may be holding you back from truly valuing yourself and living a fulfilling life.

If you’ve resonated with these behaviors, it might be time to dig deep and start treating yourself with the kindness you so readily give to others.

Take the time to appreciate your achievements, set boundaries that protect your well-being, and make space for self-love in your daily life.

It’s never too late to start valuing yourself and working towards healthier self-perception. It’s a journey that requires patience and understanding. Don’t be too hard on yourself; progress takes time.