Loneliness is a complex experience, and it doesn’t always look the way we expect. 

Some people wear it openly, while others have learned to mask it with subtle behaviors that, to the untrained eye, might go unnoticed. However, there are small signs that can reveal when someone feels isolated, even if they never say a word.

In this post, we’ll uncover six of these subtle behaviors that quietly lonely people often display. 

Recognizing these signs can help us not only understand others better but also reflect on how we, too, handle loneliness in our own lives.

Let’s dive in. 

1) Low energy

Do you know someone who always seems tired, rarely has enthusiasm, and generally carries a low-energy vibe?

Of course, there could be many reasons for this, but loneliness is one of them—and research backs it up. 

Studies have found that people who experience eight or more hours of social isolation often report feeling more tired. Loneliness, it turns out, isn’t just an emotional experience; it can take a real physical toll.

When you consider that just eight hours of isolation can have this effect, it does make you think about the impact of remote work, doesn’t it?

 While working from home offers a lot of flexibility, it can also lead to more social isolation than we might realize, especially if in-person connections aren’t a regular part of the routine.

2) Shopping a lot

Here’s one you might not have expected— I certainly didn’t know about it until I came across it while researching a previous post.

According to a six-year study of over 2,000 people, there’s a strong link between loneliness and materialism. 

Researchers found that loneliness and materialism reinforce each other in a cycle: feeling lonely can drive people to buy more material things, while materialism itself can lead to deeper feelings of isolation. 

Essentially, it’s a self-perpetuating loop where shopping becomes a temporary “fix” for loneliness, but it doesn’t solve the root problem.

Ever notice someone who frequently indulges in a bit of “retail therapy”? 

While the occasional shopping spree is common, constant or impulsive shopping might hint at an underlying struggle with loneliness.

3) Binge-watching TV

We all love a good Netflix marathon now and then, right?

Well… according to research, there might be more to it than just enjoying a favorite show. In 2015, researchers at the University of Texas at Austin found a link between binge-watching and feelings of loneliness and depression. Their study showed that the lonelier and more depressed people felt, the more likely they were to binge-watch as a way to escape or fill a void.

If you know someone who’s always glued to their latest series, it could be more than just a love for TV. For some, binge-watching might be a way to cope with the quiet loneliness they’re feeling in their own lives.

4) Substance abuse

This isn’t an easy point to talk about, but it’s important not to overlook. 

Many experts recognize a strong connection between loneliness and substance abuse. The folks at Addiction Center even describe them as going “hand-in-hand.” A 2024 study reinforces this link, finding that social isolation significantly increases the risk of substance misuse.

But perhaps the most eye-opening insight comes from an experiment on, of all things, rats. Known as the Rat Park Experiment, this research famously demonstrated how isolation can drive addictive behavior. 

Here’s how it worked: researchers created two environments for rats—one was a standard cage where rats were kept alone, while the other was a “Rat Park,” a large, social environment where rats could interact, play, and explore. Both groups had access to two water sources, one laced with morphine and one plain.

The results were fascinating: isolated rats consistently drank from the drug-laced water, while rats in the enriched, social environment were much less likely to. The takeaway? 

Even animals with “significant physiological and behavioral similarities to humans” are more prone to substance use when they lack social interaction.

If you know someone who seems to rely heavily on substances, they might not only be struggling with addiction but also with the loneliness that often underlies it.

5) Staying up late 

Do you know someone who is a “night owl”? 

Well, it might be worth reading between the lines. It’s well known that a lack of social connection can impact sleep. A 2023 study, for instance, found that, “loneliness was associated with the onset of difficulties initiating or maintaining sleep,” underscoring how loneliness can interfere with our ability to rest.

The takeaway here?

While staying up late might just seem like a personal quirk, there’s might be more to it. 

People who feel isolated tend to stretch out their evenings, filling the quiet hours with scrolling, binge-watching, or other distractions to avoid heading to bed. Nighttime can amplify feelings of loneliness, making late hours a way to dodge those difficult thoughts, even if it means exhaustion the next day.

6) Excessive social media use

When you crave connection but don’t want to admit it, where do you go?

For many, it’s to social media—the “connection machine.” 

Platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook offer an endless stream of posts, stories, and updates from people around the world. It’s an easy, low-effort way to feel part of something, to check in, and to keep up with what everyone else is doing. 

But here’s the catch: it doesn’t work. 

As noted by folks at Psychology Today the research shows that “the more time you spend on social media, the more likely you are to feel lonely.”

Do you know someone who seems glued to their social feeds? It might be wise to remember that, for some, excessive social media use is a quiet signal of deeper loneliness. 

The bottom line 

Loneliness is a complex and often hidden experience, showing up in ways we might not always recognize. 

While these habits might seem harmless or like personal quirks, they often reflect a search for connection or comfort.

Understanding these signs can help us offer support to those who might be struggling silently. And perhaps, noticing them in ourselves can encourage us to reach out, reconnect, or make small changes that can gradually bring more genuine connection into our lives.

As always, I hope you found some value in this post.

Until next time.