I’ve often wondered where the line is between looking after yourself and prioritizing yourself over everyone else.

Self-care can sometimes be mistaken for selfishness, but inherent selfishness has a way of quietly shaping how we interact with others, often without us realizing it.

Over the years, as a psychologist, I’ve seen how subtle behaviors can reveal deeper patterns of self-centeredness.

These aren’t the glaring, dramatic signs we often associate with selfishness.

They’re more nuanced, showing up in the ways people communicate, compromise, and consider others.

So. let’s have a look at nine behaviors that can signal inherent selfishness.

1) Deflecting blame

One of the most telling signs of inherent selfishness is the habit of deflecting blame.

As a psychologist, I’ve observed that inherently selfish individuals rarely accept responsibility.

They find it challenging to admit their mistakes or shortcomings.

Instead, they tend to shift the blame onto others, creating a narrative where they are always the victim or the misunderstood hero.

This behavior often stems from a desire to maintain a positive self-image and avoid facing the consequences of their actions.

It’s a defense mechanism that shields them from criticism and potential harm to their ego.

Being aware of this subtle behavior can help you identify selfish individuals and understand their actions better.

2) Lack of interest in others

Another subtle behavior I’ve noticed in inherently selfish individuals is a lack of genuine interest in others.

I remember a personal encounter with a friend.

We’d often meet for coffee and chats, but over time, I noticed something odd.

Our conversations were always centered around him. He hardly asked about me or displayed any genuine interest in my life or experiences.

Intriguingly, this behavior extended to others around him as well.

He seemed to be more interested in talking about himself and his achievements, rather than listening to what others had to say.

This is a classic sign of inherent selfishness – a one-sided focus on self, often at the expense of others.

It’s a behavior that can sometimes go unnoticed but can leave others feeling undervalued and unheard.

3) Taking more than giving

Inherently selfish individuals often exhibit a pattern of taking more than they give.

This behavior is not limited to material possessions but extends to time, energy, and emotional support.

Numerous studies have found that people who consistently take more than they give in their relationships are likely to have high levels of narcissism and low levels of empathy.

This trait manifests subtly.

It could be a friend who always borrows but never lends, a colleague who takes credit for joint efforts, or a partner who demands emotional support but is unavailable when you need it..

4) Ignoring boundaries

A subtle but essential behavior to watch out for is the disregard for personal boundaries.

In my experience as a psychologist, inherently selfish individuals often struggle with understanding and respecting the personal space, time, or feelings of others.

They may frequently interrupt conversations, invade personal space, or dismiss others’ feelings in favor of their own.

This lack of respect for boundaries usually stems from a focus on their own needs and desires, often neglecting the needs and comfort of those around them.

5) Unwillingness to compromise

A significant sign of inherent selfishness is an unwillingness to compromise.

In my professional experience, selfish individuals often have a “my way or the highway” attitude.

They are usually adamant about their opinions and decisions, refusing to budge or consider alternative viewpoints.

This stubbornness shows that selfish people prioritize one’s own preferences and desires over others’, even when it hinders mutual understanding and harmony.

By being aware of this behavior, you can better navigate relationships with such individuals and address conflicts in a productive manner.

6) Lack of empathy

Perhaps one of the most heartbreaking signs of inherent selfishness is a lack of empathy.

Empathy is our ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s what connects us, what makes us human.

But for inherently selfish individuals, this emotional bridge often seems to be missing.

They find it difficult to put themselves in others’ shoes or genuinely feel for someone else’s situation.

This inability to connect emotionally can lead to insensitive remarks, lack of support during tough times, or disregard for others’ feelings.

7) Inability to celebrate others’ success

Inherently selfish people often find it difficult to genuinely celebrate others’ success.

Instead, they might feel threatened or insecure when someone else shines.

I recall an instance when I received a significant recognition at work.

While most of my friends and colleagues were happy for me, one friend seemed distant.

She didn’t seem thrilled about my achievement, and I could sense a shift in our interactions.

This behavior can be quite hurtful and confusing, especially when it comes from someone close to you.

8) Constant need for attention

A classic sign of inherent selfishness is a constant need for attention.

This behavior can manifest in different ways – from dominating conversations to constantly seeking validation or compliments.

Some individuals might even resort to dramatic or exaggerated behaviors just to remain the center of attention.

As a psychologist, I’ve noticed that this craving for attention often stems from deep-seated insecurities or a desire to feel important. 

9) Lack of gratitude

Lastly, one of the most telling signs of inherent selfishness is a lack of gratitude.

Selfish individuals often take things for granted, focusing more on what they don’t have instead of appreciating what they do have.

They might overlook the efforts of others or fail to acknowledge the good in their lives.

Gratitude is a fundamental aspect of human connection and contentment.

Being aware of its absence in someone’s behavior can provide valuable insight into their character and their level of inherent selfishness.

Final thoughts

What strikes me most about selfishness is how often it hides in plain sight.

These behaviors—like deflecting blame, ignoring boundaries, or struggling to celebrate someone else’s success—aren’t always intentional.

They’re habits, rooted in personal insecurities or a lack of self-awareness.

Carl Rogers once said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”

If you’ve noticed any of these traits in your interactions, don’t shy away from them. Lean in.

Explore why they’re there and what they might be protecting.

Because at the end of the day, relationships thrive on empathy, gratitude, and a willingness to grow—and that’s something we all have the capacity to cultivate.