Narcissism isn’t always as blatant as a self-obsessed show-off hogging the limelight. Sometimes it’s more subtle and shrouded in a cloak of community involvement.

This is what we call, ‘communal narcissism‘. It’s an art of self-enhancement, linking grandiosity to communal values.

These folks will do whatever they can to be recognized as the pillar of the community — the ultimate altruist — while still fulfilling their narcissistic needs.

Yet these behaviors often fly under the radar. Many people miss those telltale signs that expose a communal narcissist.

In this article, we’ll peel back the layers and reveal those subtle behaviors most people overlook about communal narcissists. So, buckle up for a journey into the less obvious world of narcissism.

1) Excessive volunteering

Communal narcissists are great at using the cloak of altruism to mask their self-centered motives. One way they do this is through excessive volunteering.

Don’t get me wrong. Volunteering in itself is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s commendable. But with communal narcissists, there’s always a hidden purpose behind their actions.

You see, for them, volunteering isn’t about helping others or making a difference. It’s about being seen and recognized as ‘good’ and ‘generous’. They want to be admired and praised for their selfless acts.

In essence, they use volunteering as a platform to boost their own image and status within the community. It’s a subtle trick that often goes overlooked, but once you know what to look for, it becomes a glaring red flag.

2) Overplaying their empathy

I remember being part of a community group with a woman who always seemed to be the most empathetic person in the room.

She was always the first one to lend a sympathetic ear, to offer comforting words, to seemingly understand everyone’s struggles.

This might seem like the behavior of a kind-hearted, caring individual. But as time went on, I started noticing something odd – she only showed empathy when others were watching.

She wanted to appear as the most caring person in the room, the one who understood everyone’s pain better than anyone else. It wasn’t about offering genuine support or comfort. It was about enhancing her image as the most compassionate member of our community.

This is a classic behavior of a communal narcissist – overplaying their empathy. They use it as another tool to build their image, not out of genuine concern for others but for self-glorification.

And just like with excessive volunteering, once you’re aware of this behavior, it’s easier to spot it in action. So keep an eye out for those who seem to overplay their empathy, especially when they’re in the spotlight.

3) Constant need for validation

Communal narcissists have a constant need for validation. It’s not enough for them to do good deeds; they need to be acknowledged and praised for them.

They might seem like they’re doing things out of the goodness of their heart, but in reality, they’re doing it for the applause and recognition. They crave the validation that comes from being seen as a generous, caring person.

This is linked to a psychological concept known as ‘narcissistic supply‘. It refers to the attention, praise, and admiration that narcissists need to fuel their egos and maintain their self-image.

Without this validation, a communal narcissist starts to feel uncomfortable and restless. It’s why they go to such lengths to appear altruistic and caring – it’s their way of ensuring a steady supply of admiration and approval.

4) Dominating community conversations

Have you ever been in a community meeting where one person seems to dominate every discussion?

They’re the first to speak up, they voice their opinions louder than anyone else, and they steer the conversation to highlight their contributions or achievements.

Well, you’ve likely encountered a communal narcissist.

They have a knack for making every conversation about them. It’s not enough to be part of the group; they want to lead it, control it, and be the center of attention.

But it’s more than just hogging the limelight. They use these conversations as a platform to reinforce their image as the community’s savior or benefactor.

Often, they’ll subtly shift discussions to their volunteer work, their empathy, or their contributions, reminding everyone of just how ‘good’ they are.

Watch out for those community members who seem to have an uncanny ability to make every conversation about them. It might just be a subtle sign of a communal narcissist.

5) Exploiting community bonds

Communities are about connection, about people coming together to support each other and make their corner of the world a better place.

It’s a beautiful thing, really. But for communal narcissists, these connections are just another tool to manipulate for their own benefit.

They exploit these community bonds to keep themselves in the spotlight. They might spread stories of their good deeds, ensuring everyone knows just how much they’re contributing.

Or they might play on people’s emotions, using their own struggles or sacrifices to garner sympathy and attention.

It’s heartbreaking to see these bonds of trust and goodwill get twisted this way. But it’s a common tactic for communal narcissists. They know just how powerful community connections can be, and they’re not afraid to use them for their own ends.

If you notice someone who seems to be exploiting the bonds within your community, take a moment to consider why.

6) Using generosity as a weapon

There was a time when I was going through a rough patch. Out of the blue, a member of my local community stepped in to help. He offered financial assistance, showered me with gifts, and promised to be there whenever I needed.

At first, it felt like a blessing. But as time went on, I noticed a pattern. He would often remind me of his generosity, using it as leverage in conversations and disagreements. It felt like he was using his acts of kindness as a weapon, something to hold over my head.

This is another subtle behavior typical of communal narcissists. They use their generosity not just for recognition and praise, but also as a tool of control. They give, not out of genuine concern, but to create a sense of obligation.

7) Displaying false humility

Communal narcissists are masters at displaying false humility. They’ll downplay their achievements while subtly drawing attention to them.

It’s a clever trick. By appearing humble, they avoid the negative image associated with boastfulness. But at the same time, they ensure their accomplishments aren’t overlooked.

They might say things like, “Oh, it was nothing really,” or “Anyone would have done the same,” all while basking in the glow of admiration and praise.

This false humility is just another way for them to feed their ego and maintain their image as the community’s hero.

8) Lack of genuine interest in others

At the core of communal narcissism is a lack of genuine interest in others. Despite their outward show of concern and empathy, they’re not really interested in anyone else’s needs or feelings unless it serves their purpose.

They might listen to your problems, offer advice, or even lend a helping hand. But it’s not because they truly care. It’s because they see it as another opportunity to showcase their kindness and generosity.

This lack of genuine interest often reveals itself over time. You might notice that they rarely ask about your life unless it’s in a public setting where they can gain recognition for their concern.

Understanding this can be a real game-changer. Because once you recognize this behavior for what it is, you can begin to see the communal narcissist for who they truly are – not a selfless benefactor, but someone using the community for their own gain.

Final thoughts: It’s about discernment

The complexities of human behavior are vast, particularly when it comes to communal narcissism. It’s a subtle, yet powerful form of manipulation that often goes unnoticed.

The key to spotting a communal narcissist lies in discernment – the ability to see beyond the surface and recognize the true intentions behind their actions.

Remember, communal narcissists are not inherently ‘evil’. They’re often individuals struggling with their own insecurities and unmet needs.

But understanding their behavior allows us to protect ourselves and maintain the integrity of our communities.

So the next time you find yourself admiring someone’s seemingly selfless actions, take a moment to reflect. Look beyond the facade and try to understand their true motives. You might be surprised at what you find.