I’d be lying if I said I never crave validation.

There have been times when I sought the counsel of my friends because I couldn’t make up my mind about what to do, times when I hoped a man I fancied noticed my new earrings, times when I wanted to show off just because.

I’m not perfect, and neither are you.

However, there’s a huge difference between women who seek validation very occasionally and women who build their whole sense of self-worth upon other people’s opinions.

And women who fall into the first category usually display these 7 unique strengths.

1) They don’t put on pretense just to fit in

My friend likes to say I’m super goofy. I often act silly and playful, I approach lots of situations with childlike wonder, and I openly ask questions when I don’t know something.

This means that I may sometimes come across as a bit daft or unserious. Highly pragmatic people and I usually butt heads because they consider me too silly for their tastes while I think they should let their hair down once in a while.

And it’s not always comfortable when this happens, especially if I end up in a situation where my goofiness stands out like a sore thumb.

But I’d rather not fit in than pretend to be someone I’m not.

I wasn’t always like this, mind you. Growing up, I tried my best not to be weird; not to say anything out of the ordinary; not to be the odd one out.

It’s taken me many years of self-development and learning to love myself in my authenticity, but I finally managed to get to a place where I show up as my true self almost all of the time – even if it means I may not exactly get along with someone.

I would rather have a few friends who are on the same wavelength as me than move between groups of people who don’t understand and relate to the real me.

It’s okay if you’re not someone’s cup of tea.

Oh, and that brings us to the second item on our list!

2) They are okay with not being liked by everyone

I used to be one of those people who would toss and turn late at night trying to figure out how to make someone like me.

Why does Jessica grow so cold when I’m around? Is it because of that comment I made earlier? Does she think I can’t hold an intellectual conversation, and that’s why she looks down on me?

Well, I can show her how smart I am! Just give me a chance, and I’ll prove her wrong!

Looking back, those nights spent awake worrying about Jessica’s or Jack’s or Marie’s opinions were a complete waste of time because half of my assumptions were wrong and because plenty of the people who didn’t particularly like me weren’t my cup of tea, either.

Why should you care about the opinion of a person you aren’t a fan of in the first place?

Yeah. It’s a bit pointless.

Strong women who don’t need to prove themselves to others are okay with the fact that not everyone will like them. As long as they’re authentic to themselves and have trusted friends to rely on…

That’s all that matters.

3) They know how to establish and honor their boundaries

Setting boundaries can be a very uncomfortable process, especially if you grew up as a huge people-pleaser (*cough* me).

It’s also the ultimate test of how much you care about other people’s opinions of you.

Imagine you’re at a party and feel terribly drained. All you want is to go to bed, snuggle up with a fun book, and then fall asleep.

What’s more, the conversation is just small talk, and you’re tired of pretending you care about what Joe and Roxanne and Greg do for a living.

Well, if you’re part of the strong women’s club, you’re going to tell your friends that you feel tired and are going to head home – without apologizing and spending five minutes overexplaining yourself!

One of the most groundbreaking realizations I’ve stumbled upon in recent years is that I don’t owe anyone an explanation.

If I want to go home or don’t want to go out, that’s it – I don’t need to pretend I’m busy or feign illness.

Set your boundaries. Honor them by reasserting them as needed. You don’t need to explain yourself if you don’t want to.

Other people should respect your wishes simply because they respect you and want you to do well.

4) They believe in their ability to make their dreams come true

When I was younger, I told everyone I wanted to be a writer.

They snickered and said writers couldn’t make a living. Soon, I’d grow out of it and choose an “actual” profession.

Well, guess what? I’m now sitting in a café, writing this article and living the life of my dreams.

But reaching this destination was never really about the need to prove something to others. I already knew I could do it. I didn’t need to fight with them or try to convince them to believe in me.

Every time someone doubted me, I’d just shrug my shoulders and think, “One day, I’ll make my dream come true, so what does this person’s opinion matter?”

It was – and still is – a very empowering way to live.

When you know you will reach your goal no matter what, it doesn’t matter what other people think.

You know your actions speak louder than their thoughts.

5) They live by their own definition of success

Speaking of other people’s opinions, there is, of course, a societal definition of success that we tend to judge each other by.

It usually revolves around how much money you have, whether you’re in a relationship, and what kind of job you do.

The ideal would be a wealthy doctor or lawyer who’s happily married with two kids and a house in the suburbs.

The opposite of that is… well, far too many professions and lifestyles to count.

And the truth of the matter is that it is often those whose lives do not conform to the norm who are actually the happiest and therefore most successful.

Your parents may have wanted you to become a doctor, but soon, you realized it wasn’t for you and decided to travel the world in a van while doing online marketing.

Your friends may all be married with mortgages and kids, and yet you are absolutely thriving as a single lady with two cats and a small business that fulfils you on a deep level.

The hallmark of a strong woman who doesn’t feel the need to prove herself to others is that she turns her back on societal norms and does whatever the hell she wants.

She lives her life on her own terms.

6) They aren’t too bothered about the male gaze

Every time I see a woman with unshaven legs or armpits, I think to myself, “Wow. I love that. I love that she’s so confident in her body that she doesn’t care about what other people think.”

This isn’t to say only unshaven women are genuinely confident, of course. That’d be an oversimplification. You are free to do whatever the hell you like – that’s where your power lies. It is all about the freedom of choice.

My point is that the strongest women out there generally aren’t too bothered about dressing up for the male gaze.

They express themselves in a way that makes them feel authentic and comfortable, and if a man doesn’t like that, so what? Women’s bodies are ours to do with as we please.

Of course, there are times when we all want to look pretty for the men we fancy, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

But as I mentioned earlier on, there’s a difference between the occasional hunt for ego boosts and basing your sense of self-worth upon someone else’s opinion of you.

7) They are in sync with their higher selves

On a final note, let’s get a teeny tiny bit spiritual.

According to the spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle, we must distinguish between our ego and our conscious awareness in order to reach enlightenment.

He writes, “The most common ego identifications have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, person and family history, belief systems, and often nationalistic, racial, religious, and other collective identifications. None of these is you.”

As you can see, most of these ego identifications are precisely the things that people usually feel they need to show off in front of others in order to feel validated.

If you aren’t too hung up on them, though, you’re entering a state of much more peacefulness, a state where you can just… be.

Just be, and know that it is enough.

Thus the last unique strength shared by women who don’t need to prove themselves to other people: they don’t easily give in to their egos.

They are in sync with their higher selves.