Let me ask you a question.

What kind of life would you live if other people’s opinions, money, and the societal structures we exist in didn’t matter?

What would be your purpose? What would occupy your time – not as a means to an end but as an end in itself?

For me, it’s writing, traveling, and looking after animals, all three of which I do on a regular basis.

For you, it could be anything you set your mind on.

Alright, now let’s make it a reality despite all those obstacles.

Ready?

Here are the 6 societal expectations that are holding you back from living your best life.

1) “Earn as much money as possible”

I’d be a fool if I said money didn’t matter.

I’d also be a hypocrite. As someone who used to struggle to afford a weekly shop of a grand total of 15 dollars, I am highly aware of how amazing my life is now that I’m financially stable.

But I also know plenty of people who have all the financial security they could want and are still incredibly miserable.

See, studies show that while money does increase most people’s happiness, those of us who are unhappy won’t suddenly change just because we have greater financial freedom.

In other words, money boosts happiness if you’re a happy person to begin with.

And do you know what makes people the complete opposite of that?

A well-paid job you hate so much that you dread waking up on a Monday morning.

If you know that climbing up the corporate ladder, taking on more and more responsibility, and working a job you couldn’t care less about isn’t for you…

Don’t do it.

There is always another way. From freelancing to content creation, volunteering to enterprise, there are many different ways to live a happy life.

Don’t let society tell you otherwise.

2) “Become a productivity machine”

I’m sorry to say I, too, have fallen prey to the productivity and hustle community.

Don’t get me wrong, I learned a great deal of important lessons and gained insight into many fascinating ways of tricking my brain into cooperating, from the Pomodoro technique to the power of habit-stacking.

But I also embraced the myth that every day, I could perform better than the day before. I believed my progress was linear, and if I didn’t beat my past self’s record, I wasn’t trying hard enough.

Naturally, this meant I was constantly disappointed in myself, shamed myself for all my terrible failures, and felt guilty when I took a break.

But according to Psychology Today, breaks are of immense value: 

“Humans are not machines, and attempting to maintain constant productivity is a recipe for burnout. Allowing time for rest and idleness does more than recharge the brain and body; it also allows for creative, unstructured thought that can foster breakthroughs. It may even increase productivity in the long run.”

I now stick to a much healthier rule. When I’m in need of a break, I take a break. When I’m just lazy, I convince myself to just… show up.

My results don’t have to be good. All that matters is that I’ve made progress, even if just by 1%.

1% counts.

3) “Chase after external achievements”

One of my friends recently told me, “I feel like I’ve made so much progress in the past year, but ironically, I’ve got nothing tangible to show for it. There’s been no external achievements, like a job promotion or a new relationship. But I feel like I’ve accomplished so much.”

We spent the next hour discussing how society values external achievements over internal ones despite the fact that internal progress is arguably much more important.

It does matter that you’ve been working through intergenerational trauma in the past half a year. It is vital that you’re learning how to communicate your needs better. It’s absolutely phenomenal that you no longer speak negatively of yourself and feel safer when setting boundaries.

These are all things that equip you for a better life in the ways that matter most. Your self-perception and your relationships with others will thrive as a result of internal change more so than an external one.

As Lawrence R. Samuel Ph.D. writes, “Americans tend to define success in outer-directed terms rather than inner-directed ones. Psychologists have advised applying inner-directed measures of success to realize feelings of well-being.”

4) “Get coupled up and have kids”

A year ago, I ended a long-term relationship that was headed for marriage. Since then, I’ve been back on the dating scene – taking it very slowly, mind you.

One of the things that surprised me the most, though, was other people’s reactions to my dating life now as compared to five years ago.

Apparently, it’s time for me to hurry up because “the biological clock is ticking.” Apparently, I am way too picky. Apparently, it’s better to settle for a person who isn’t the right match than to be (read this in a shocked and terrified voice) single.

But not everyone believes that marriage is the best recipe for success. Not everyone wants to or can have children. 

Getting married and having kids is hardly the only way to achieve long-lasting happiness – in fact, plenty of the people I know have unhappy marriages because they settled out of fear.

Of course, the societal pressure is still there.

Psychologist Ellen Walker Ph.D. suggests this is how you can deal with it: 

“Perhaps the best way to cope with pressure is to know yourself and to have a solid understanding of why you have chosen your particular life pathway. If you’ve considered options and decided to not have children, have a full awareness of your reasons for this. Take time to write these reasons down,” she says.

“Your list may include the things you’d have had to sacrifice if you had become a parent as well as your overall life goals and passions, and what you instead have devoted your time and energy to. If you’re childfree by happenstance, or even due to circumstances beyond your control, focus on the positives of this situation.”

Remember – this is your life. If you feel that the choice you are making is right, don’t let others dictate what you should and shouldn’t do.

5) “Fit the trend”

…whatever the trend is, from your fashion style to your political opinions or lifestyle.

The issue with trends is that they fizzle out before you can even properly understand and embody them. Before you know it, a new trend has entered the scene, and it’s time to put on a different performance once more.

Nowhere is this more obvious than with the latest fashion trends. Just five years ago, I was telling my friend I thought the early 2000s trends would never come back because the fashion was terrible.

I mean, we lived through it, and looking back, we all cringe.

Nonetheless, this is precisely what Gen Z are doing at the moment. They’re bringing back Y2K, and all the hipsters who once criticized this very style are now embracing it, together with moustaches, which have received the very same treatment.

The lesson here?

You can never please everybody. What’s more, it’s pointless to even try. What you can do, however, is embrace whatever it is that makes you feel authentic.

6) “Stay in your lane”

When I was younger, I told everyone I wanted to become a full-time writer. They laughed at me. Told me it was impossible. Said I’d have no money. Said it wasn’t even worth trying. Said I was nothing but a naïve dreamer, and one day, I’d grow out of it.

Well, guess what?

I didn’t give in, and now I’m a full-time writer who gets to travel the world and set my own hours.

So, on a final note, let me tell you this: if there’s one societal expectation that’s holding you back from living your best life, it’s the expectation that you’ll fit in. That you’ll stay in your lane. That you won’t be a disappointment but also won’t be too successful.

Yeah. Screw all of that.

If you have a dream, pursue it. If you have a goal, go after it. And if you go against societal expectations in the process…

Good for you.