I’ve lost count of the times I’ve felt torn between looking out for myself and trying not to seem, well, selfish.

It’s like there’s this invisible line we’re all tiptoeing along, balancing self-care with that constant, nagging fear of putting ourselves first.

But here’s the truth: sometimes, we need to give ourselves permission to be at the top of our own list.

And, believe it or not, psychology has our backs on this one. So, if you’re wondering when it’s okay—actually, when it’s necessary—to prioritize yourself, here are nine moments when self-care isn’t just a nice idea; it’s essential.

1) When you’re running on empty

Just like a car, your body and mind can’t run on empty. It’s a simple fact, but one we often overlook in our quest to satisfy the needs of others before our own.

Psychology tells us that if we neglect our basic needs – sleep, nutrition, relaxation – we’re setting ourselves up for burnout. And when you’re burnt out, you’re no good to anyone.

Think about the safety instructions on an airplane: “Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.” It’s not selfishness; it’s common sense. If you’re unconscious from lack of oxygen, how can you help anyone else?

So in those moments when you’re feeling physically or mentally depleted, it’s essential to prioritize self-care.

Making sure you’re well-rested, well-nourished, and relaxed isn’t just good for you; it’s beneficial for those around you too.

It’s not selfish to prioritize your wellbeing; it’s necessary. The next time you feel like you’re running on fumes, take a step back and take care of yourself first.

2) When it comes to your core values

Values are the bedrock of who we are. They guide our decisions, shape our actions, and influence our relationships.

But sometimes, situations arise where our values clash with what’s being asked of us.

I remember a time in my previous job where I was asked to do something that ran counter to my core values.

The company was cutting corners to save money, and it didn’t sit right with me. I found myself at a crossroads – do I toe the line or stand up for what I believe in?

In such situations, it’s crucial to put yourself first. Compromising on your values can lead to stress, dissatisfaction, and even mental health issues.

I chose to voice my concerns despite the risk of standing out like a sore thumb. It wasn’t comfortable, but it felt right. Looking back, I have no regrets about standing up for what I believed in.

So when you find yourself in a situation that challenges your core values, don’t be afraid to put yourself first.

3) Setting boundaries in your personal relationships

Boundaries are a fundamental part of any healthy relationship.

They define where one person ends and another begins, and they’re crucial for maintaining respect between individuals.

Psychology shows us that failing to establish clear boundaries can lead to feelings of resentment and loss of self-identity.

Setting boundaries might mean saying no to a friend’s request when you’re already overwhelmed or letting a family member know you need some alone time. It’s not pushing people away; it’s making space for your own needs and feelings.

So don’t be afraid to draw those lines. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but establishing clear boundaries is a key practice in putting yourself first and maintaining healthy relationships.

4) When you need to recharge

We live in a world that’s always switched on, making it increasingly difficult to hit the off button. But just as our phones need time to recharge, so do we.

Psychology tells us that taking time out for ourselves isn’t a luxury – it’s a necessity. Our brains need downtime to process information, consolidate memories, and replenish mental resources.

It could be as simple as taking a leisurely walk, reading a book, or enjoying your favourite pastime. The key here is to engage in activities that you find restorative and refreshing.

5) Pursuing your passions

There’s something incredibly fulfilling about chasing after what sets your heart on fire. But in the hustle and bustle of life, our passions often get pushed to the back burner.

Studies have proven that pursuing your passions is more than just a hobby – it’s a key element of wellbeing. Engaging in activities you love can reduce stress, enhance mood, and even boost self-esteem.

Maybe you love painting, writing, or playing the guitar. Whatever it is, make time for it. Don’t sideline your passions for the sake of others.

You’re not being selfish by dedicating time to your interests; you’re nurturing a vital part of your happiness and wellbeing. So when it comes to pursuing your passions, don’t be afraid to put yourself first.

6) Prioritizing your mental health

Mental health is just as important as physical health, yet it’s often overlooked or pushed aside. We tend to soldier on, ignoring the signs that we’re not okay.

Prioritizing our mental health isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s an act of strength. It takes courage to admit that you’re struggling and even more to seek help.

Maybe you’re dealing with stress, anxiety, depression, or another mental health issue. Whatever the case, remember: it’s okay not to be okay.

You don’t have to face it alone. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or a mental health professional. Take the steps necessary for your wellbeing.

Your mental health matters. Prioritizing it is an act of self-love. So when it comes to your mental health, always put yourself first. Your mind – and heart – will thank you.

7) When it comes to your self-esteem

We all have moments of self-doubt, where we question our worth and abilities.

For me, these moments were particularly difficult during my teenage years, where I constantly compared myself to others and found myself lacking.

Research has shown us that maintaining a healthy level of self-esteem is crucial for our overall well-being. A strong sense of self-worth not only boosts our mental health but also empowers us to face challenges head-on.

Believing in yourself isn’t always easy. It requires acknowledging your strengths and accepting your weaknesses.

It means standing up for yourself when others try to bring you down and celebrating your achievements, no matter how small they may seem.

So in those moments of self-doubt, remember to put yourself first. Nurture your self-esteem. You are worthy, you are capable, and you matter. Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise.

8) When establishing your career path

Choosing a career is a significant decision that impacts your life in various ways.

But often, societal expectations, parental pressures, or financial considerations can sway our choices away from what we genuinely desire.

Job satisfaction is closely tied to overall life satisfaction and can impact your mental health and well-being.

Maybe you’ve always dreamed of being a writer, but you’ve been pushed towards a more “stable” career path. Or perhaps you have a passion for social work, but societal expectations are nudging you towards more lucrative professions.

It’s your life and your career. Taking advice from others can be beneficial, but ultimately the decision should be yours.

When it comes to establishing your career path, don’t hesitate to put yourself first.

9) When making decisions about your personal happiness

At the end of the day, personal happiness is what truly matters. It’s your life, and only you can decide what makes you happy. True happiness comes from within, and it’s essential to make choices that align with your joy and satisfaction.

This could mean choosing to end a toxic relationship, moving to a new city, changing careers, or simply choosing to say no when you’re overwhelmed.

These decisions might not always be easy, and they might not please everyone, but they’re crucial for your happiness.

So when it comes to your personal happiness, always put yourself first. After all, you’re in charge of your joy. And that’s the most important thing.

Final thoughts

When I think of the dance between taking care of myself and being there for others, I realize it’s never been a matter of choosing one over the other; it’s a delicate balance.

Carl Rogers put it best: “When I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

Maybe putting ourselves first doesn’t mean turning away from others; maybe it’s about giving ourselves the grace to feel whole, steady, and strong.

In these nine situations, putting yourself first isn’t selfish, nor does it mean abandoning anyone.

It’s simply acknowledging that our needs sometimes matter just as much as anyone else’s.

And I believe the more we honor that, the better we show up for others in the long run. So, next time you’re at a crossroads—when it’s your health, your happiness, your well-being on the line—remember, it’s okay to choose you.