Being a fiercely independent woman is its own kind of powerful. But let’s be honest, even the strongest among us secretly yearns for that special connection—a loving relationship.

I’m Tina Fey, founder of Love Connection blog, and I’ve spent years delving into the complexities of relationships. I’ve noticed that independent women who secretly desire a relationship often exhibit certain traits.

In this piece, we’ll explore these eight traits – ones that sing the song of independence, yet whisper the desire for love.

Let’s get started. 

1) They value their independence but also appreciate companionship

Being fiercely independent doesn’t mean wanting to be alone all the time.

In my line of work, I’ve encountered many women who are incredibly self-sufficient. They’re capable of doing things on their own and don’t rely on anyone else for their happiness or success.

These women are go-getters. They know their worth, have clear goals, and are not afraid to chase after them.

But deep down, they also appreciate the value of companionship. They understand that having someone by your side doesn’t mean giving up your independence or compromising on your values.

This delicate balance between independence and longing for a relationship is a common trait among these women. It’s a dance between the desire to stand on their own and the longing for a partner who can walk alongside them in life’s journey.

2) They’re not afraid of being alone, but they’re open to love

Another intriguing trait I’ve noticed in these women is their comfort in solitude, yet openness to love.

As an independent woman, you learn to enjoy your own company. You find comfort in solitude and don’t need others around to feel complete. You learn that loneliness is not about being alone, but about feeling disconnected.

But here’s the thing – just because you are comfortable being alone doesn’t mean you want to be alone forever. There’s a difference between being content in your solitude and closing yourself off from potential love.

As the famous saying goes, “I’m not beautiful like you, I’m beautiful like me.”

These women understand that they do not need a partner to define their beauty or worth.

They know their worth, but are open to sharing their beautiful journey with someone who respects and cherishes them for who they are. They know that love isn’t about finding someone who completes you, but about finding someone who accepts you completely.

In my own personal journey as an independent woman, I’ve found this balance crucial. It’s not about waiting for Prince Charming but being open to love when it comes knocking on your door.

3) They prioritize self-love and healthy boundaries

One thing I have continually observed is that these women prioritize self-love and healthy boundaries.

It’s not selfish to put yourself first, it’s necessary. These women understand that they can’t pour from an empty cup. They take time to nourish themselves, both physically and emotionally.

But self-love doesn’t just stop at taking care of oneself – it extends to setting healthy boundaries in relationships as well. They know when to say no, when to step back, and when to assert their needs.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing self-love in relationships. It’s a journey I’ve personally walked and one I’m passionate about helping others navigate.

These women are not afraid to protect their peace. They understand the importance of maintaining their own identity and not losing themselves in a relationship. And though they long for a relationship, they never compromise on their self-worth or boundaries.

4) They’re comfortable with vulnerability

While it might seem counterintuitive, these independent women are often comfortable with vulnerability.

Yes, they’re strong. Yes, they can take care of themselves. But that doesn’t mean they’re invulnerable or emotionless.

In fact, their strength lies in their ability to acknowledge and express their feelings, even when they’re difficult. They understand that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but a mark of courage.

These women know that being vulnerable opens up the path to deeper connections and richer experiences. It allows them to truly let someone else in and share a part of themselves that others seldom see.

And it’s this vulnerability that can make them long for a relationship – the desire to share their true selves with someone who respects and values them just as they are.

5) They’re patient and selective

Patience is a virtue, especially when it comes to love.

The independent women I’ve met along my journey are not in a hurry to jump into a relationship. They’re selective about who they let into their lives, and they’re willing to wait for someone who truly matches their values and desires.

Being selective doesn’t mean being overly picky or having unrealistic expectations. It means knowing your worth and not settling for less than you deserve.

In my own life, I’ve learned that patience in love is a form of self-respect. I’ve seen how rushing into relationships without proper discernment can lead to heartache and regret.

So these women wait. They continue to grow, to learn, and to love themselves while they patiently wait for the right person to come along.

6) They fear losing their freedom

Let’s get honest here. One of the raw fears that many independent women have is the fear of losing their freedom.

Freedom to make their own decisions, freedom to pursue their dreams, and freedom to live life on their own terms. This fear often stems from experiencing or witnessing relationships where personal freedom was compromised.

While they desire a relationship, they hesitate at the thought of losing their independence. They fear getting entangled in a relationship where they feel suffocated or restricted.

But it’s important to remember that a healthy relationship doesn’t cage you; it sets you free. It allows you to grow and pursue your dreams while sharing your life with someone who supports and encourages you.

So yes, the fear is real, but it’s not insurmountable. Acknowledging this fear is the first step towards overcoming it. It’s about finding a balance between holding onto your independence and opening your heart to love. And that’s a journey worth embarking on.

7) They’re not defined by their relationship status

One key characteristic of these women is that they’re not defined by their relationship status. Single or taken, they know they’re complete as they are.

A famous quote by Diane Von Furstenberg resonates deeply with this trait – “You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.”

Being in a relationship or not doesn’t change who they are at their core. They understand that their worth is intrinsic and not dependent on being someone’s other half.

As an independent woman myself, I’ve learned that my happiness and self-worth aren’t contingent on my relationship status. It’s a liberating realization that has allowed me to love and be loved without losing my sense of self.

These women carry this understanding in their hearts. They long for a relationship, yes, but they also celebrate their singlehood and the freedom it brings. 

8) They sometimes struggle with loneliness

Let’s bare it all. As much as these independent women relish their solitude, there are moments when they too struggle with loneliness.

Yes, they enjoy their own company. Yes, they’re busy pursuing their goals and dreams. But there are times when the quiet can feel a bit too quiet, and the solitude can feel isolating.

It’s during these moments that the longing for a relationship can feel particularly poignant. It’s not about needing someone to complete them, but about desiring someone to share life’s moments with – the triumphant highs, the challenging lows, and the mundane in-betweens.

But here’s the thing – it’s okay to feel lonely. It doesn’t make you any less independent or strong. It makes you human.

Acknowledging this loneliness isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s an act of courage. It’s about being honest with yourself and knowing that it’s okay to desire companionship while cherishing your independence.

Conclusion

If you identify with these traits or recognize them in someone you know, remember: it’s okay. It’s okay to be strong and vulnerable, to cherish your solitude while longing for companionship.

As I’ve explored in my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, it’s all about finding balance – a balance that allows you to remain true to yourself while opening your heart to love.