7 signs you’ve never genuinely been in love, according to psychology

Isabella Chase by Isabella Chase | June 18, 2024, 10:31 am

If you’ve been questioning your past relationships, you may wonder if you’ve ever truly been in love. It can be a confusing and complicated process to navigate.

Love is a complex and varied emotion, not an on-and-off switch. It’s also completely subjective, meaning what feels like love to one person might not for another. 

But psychology does give us some clues to determine if what we’re feeling is really love or not. Here are 7 signs that might suggest you’ve never truly experienced being in love. 

1) Constant uncertainty about your feelings

The hallmark of genuine love is a deep certainty of your feelings for your partner. If you’re constantly questioning whether you’re in love or not, it might be a sign that you’re not.

Psychology suggests that when you’re truly in love, you know it. There’s a sense of security and sureness about your feelings that doesn’t waver. If you find yourself constantly unsure, it might be an indication that what you’re feeling isn’t love.

This doesn’t mean that genuine love doesn’t have its moments of doubt or fear. It does.

But those moments are usually fleeting and don’t define the relationship.

If you’re perpetually unsure about your feelings and questioning whether what you have is love or not, it might be a sign that you’ve never genuinely been in love. 

This uncertainty can make you feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster, where one minute you’re convinced it’s love and the next, you’re not so sure. 

The constant back-and-forth can be emotionally draining and is not characteristic of genuine love.

2) Always desiring perfection

At first glance, wanting the perfect love story sounds like the epitome of romanticism. Yet, it might actually be a sign you’ve never truly been in love.

True love isn’t about finding a flawless person or a flawless relationship.

It’s about embracing imperfections, both in your partner and your relationship. It’s about understanding that there will be disagreements, differences, and challenges.

If you’re constantly seeking perfection, you might have an idealized version of love in your mind. This can prevent you from forming deep emotional connections with people who don’t fit this idealized image.

Genuine love is accepting and patient. It sees beyond imperfections and embraces the entire person, flaws and all. 

If you find yourself perpetually searching for the perfect love story, it could suggest that you’re yet to experience what real love feels like.

3) Lack of empathy towards your partner

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. In a relationship, it’s the glue that binds two people together.

If you’re noticing a lack of empathy towards your partner – not truly understanding their feelings or dismissing their emotions – this might be indicative of not being in love. 

In fact, research suggests that empathy is one of the strongest indicators of a healthy, loving relationship.

Being genuinely in love involves caring deeply about your partner’s feelings and experiences. It’s about standing in their shoes and seeing the world from their perspective.

4) You’re not growing together

Love is a journey, not a destination. It’s about growing together, evolving, and learning from each other.

If you notice that you and your partner are not growing together, that might be a sign that you’re not truly in love.

Growth doesn’t have to mean grand accomplishments or dramatic transformations. It can be as simple as learning to communicate better, understanding each other’s quirks, or supporting each other’s dreams and goals.

In a genuine love relationship, both people work towards becoming the best versions of themselves, together. 

If you find that your relationship isn’t allowing for this growth, or if you feel stagnant, it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you or your partner. 

Love can be a tricky path to navigate, and it’s okay if you’re still figuring things out.

5) You’re holding back

Have you ever found yourself holding back from being your true self? Or maybe you’ve been hesitant to share your deepest thoughts, fears, and dreams with your partner. 

When we’re in love, we feel comfortable being our authentic selves with our partner.

We share our hopes, dreams, and even our insecurities without fear of judgment. It’s like taking off a mask that you didn’t even know you were wearing.

We all have our shields up to some degree, especially when we first enter a relationship. 

But if you find that shield never really comes down, even after a considerable amount of time, it might be a sign that the love you’re experiencing isn’t genuine. 

It’s natural to want to protect ourselves, but true love allows us to let our guard down and be seen for who we truly are.

6) Your happiness depends on your partner

Think about a time when you felt you couldn’t be happy unless your partner was happy. Or a moment when your mood entirely depended on your partner’s actions or words. 

If this sounds familiar, it might suggest that you haven’t truly been in love.

Years ago, I was in a relationship where my happiness hinged on my partner’s mood. If they had a great day, so did I. If they were upset, I was too.

It took me some time to realize that my emotions were too tied to theirs, and this wasn’t a sign of genuine love but rather an unhealthy dependency.

Genuine love fosters individuality and personal growth. While it’s normal to feel empathy for your partner, your emotional state shouldn’t solely depend on theirs. 

True love means being happy together, but also being able to find happiness independently.

7) You’re not willing to make sacrifices

If you find yourself constantly prioritizing your needs and wants over your partner’s, it might be a sign that you’ve never genuinely been in love.

Love is about compromise, and sometimes, it involves making sacrifices.

Certainly, this doesn’t mean you should always put your partner’s needs above your own – that would be unhealthy. 

But if there’s a complete absence of willingness to compromise or make sacrifices for the sake of your relationship or for the happiness of your partner, you might need to question whether what you’re feeling is truly love.

Love isn’t just about taking; it’s about giving, too.

It’s about finding a balance and working as a team. If you’re not willing to give as much as you take in a relationship, then perhaps it’s time for some self-reflection.

Love is about connection, not possession

At the end of the day, the most important thing to remember is that love is about connection, not possession. 

True love is about forming a deep, meaningful connection with another person. It’s about understanding, respect, and mutual growth. It’s not about owning someone or having control over them.

If your relationship feels more like a quest for control rather than a journey of connection, it might be time to reassess your feelings. 

Remember that love is about two people sharing their lives while still maintaining their individual identities.

It’s about being a part of each other’s worlds without trying to rule them.