A strong sense of identity isn’t something we’re just born with. It’s something we cultivate over years and decades, be it during our teenage years or when we’re all grown up.

Because growth never stops. It just slows down as your identity becomes more stable.

Not everyone has a firm identity, though. Many people out there are still working on themselves, trying to figure themselves out and getting to know who they truly are deep down.

What about you? Do you have an unshakable sense of identity?

Here are the 7 signs to watch out for.

1) You have identified your core values and live by them

According to psychologist Jessica Koehler PhD, “Core values serve as guiding principles that shape our attitudes, actions, and decisions.”

She writes that based on psychological research, “values are fundamental beliefs that guide our choices and behaviors. They are the foundational principles we hold dear, affecting how we perceive and interact with the world.”

If you value honesty and integrity, you’re going to try your best to tell the truth as often as possible. If you’re all about loyalty, you won’t go behind your best friend’s back.

This makes sense in theory, but the truth is that many people say one thing and then do another. In other words, they think they know who they are, but their actions contradict that idea on a regular basis.

If you’ve identified your core values and genuinely live by them, though…

It’s the first sign you have an unshakable sense of identity. And that’s because someone who lives by moral principles will be very difficult to manipulate or corrupt.

They are way too honorable for that.

2) You are immune to external pressure

Ever heard of crowd psychology?

It’s a branch of psychology that has everything to do with the way people act when surrounded by others.

It’s actually pretty terrifying. According to experts, a person who finds themselves in a crowd tends to lose a sense of individuality and therefore responsibility, blending in with others and giving in to the emotions floating around them.

To put it simply, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are when faced with societal pressure.

…unless you have a strong sense of identity, that is. If you live by firm core values, know what you stand for, and see everything through the lens of critical thinking, you have a much higher chance of developing resistance to external pressure.

Here’s an example. My friend and I once got caught in a class discussion on utilitarianism versus Kant’s categorical imperative.

We were the only two people who argued against a point that the other twenty-five people favored. It was extremely uncomfortable because there were so many of them, and yet we dug our heels in and persevered.

We felt so strongly about the issue at hand that we refused to back out, no matter how many people went against us.

3) You aren’t afraid to speak up and claim space

On a similar note, those of us who have no clue who they are tend to keep quiet and soak in information rather than speak up and take a stance on something.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Oftentimes, it is better to listen than to speak, especially if you still haven’t made up your mind on a certain issue.

People who possess a strong core, however, aren’t afraid to claim space. The reason is simple: they have built up their confidence through years of self-reflection and work, and so when it comes down to it, they aren’t scared to live authentically.

If they disagree with someone, they will say it.

If they feel that they aren’t being treated fairly, they will advocate for themselves.

If they could really use a break, they’ll go ahead and prioritize their own needs.

“Boosting self-confidence makes us more successful, improves our health, and increases our happiness,” writes psychotherapist Amy Morin.

Not to mention it contributes to a healthy sense of self.

4) You rarely seek validation from others

Let me preface this by saying that we all want a bit of validation from time to time, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

After all, you want to know your romantic partner is still in love with you. You want to know if your best friend thinks you’re genuinely good at what you do. You want to make your parents proud.

That’s nothing to be ashamed of. People rely on other people not only for advice but also for emotional support, and validation is a vital part of that.

However, frequency matters a great deal.

One person I know, for instance – let’s call her Judy – displays such strong validation-seeking behavior that it’s essentially impossible to have an interesting conversation with her.

How so?

Judy makes everything about her accomplishments. If she tells you she’s just started taking painting seriously and you start to discuss the topic in a bit more depth, she quickly grows bored of it and points out that she also knits.

Onto the topic of knitting you go, but before you know it, she mentions she has also been working on a book.

And that’s when you realize she doesn’t converse with you in order to connect on a deeper level. She just fishes for compliments and approval.

Judy also has a pretty weak sense of self, and in many ways, she is still trying to find herself.

If you’re the opposite – that is, if you rarely need validation from other people – it’s yet another sign you’ve got an unshakable sense of identity.

5) You know where you stand on political, spiritual, and societal matters

Look, you don’t have to be a knowledge-seeking academic or a politically engaged activist to qualify for this one.

You don’t even have to be all that interested in politics or spirituality at all. The point is that you should know why you believe what you believe.

I once met a guy who was completely apolitical. It rubbed me the wrong way at first, but once he explained his stance on things, I actually understood him much better and found his point of view refreshing.

See?

As long as you have a valid reason for why you think certain things, that’s all that matters when it comes to having a strong core of identity.

It’s also important to mention that you won’t always have the same opinions – as you grow older, your perspective might shift and flow, and that’s completely okay.

In fact, accepting that your opinions aren’t set in stone is much more in line with the true nature of things, which means it contributes to – rather than disrupts –your sense of identity.

6) You have high standards in the realm of friendships and dating

What do all the five above-mentioned points have in common?

In short, someone who has an unshakable sense of identity knows themselves extremely well. They are highly self-aware, they know where they stand, and they aren’t afraid to show their authentic self to the world.

The result is that they have the same kinds of expectations from others.

This is a bit of a double-edged sword. The disadvantage is that it’s much more difficult for people like that to find and build friendships or romantic relationships because their standards are set so high.

The advantage is that once they do decide to nurture a connection with someone, it’s a deep and high-quality bond that can withstand any challenge you can think of.

And you know what?

If you have high standards, I applaud you. It means you look for quality rather than quantity; it means you don’t want to waste your time or settle for less than you deserve.

And that brings us to the final point…

7) You genuinely like yourself

“Self-love entails accepting yourself wholeheartedly, treating yourself with kindness and respect, and prioritizing your physical and emotional health. It goes beyond mere actions and extends to your thoughts and feelings about yourself,” writes psychotherapist Sharon Martin, DSW, LCSW.

Self-love is the final cog in the machine of a strong sense of identity. It’s what makes everything else click into place.

You might be highly self-aware, sure, but if you don’t like what you see, you’re going to have a hard time being honest with yourself.

You might hide many of your truths behind coping mechanisms, lie to yourself, and live in denial simply because your attitude isn’t guided by love.

To love yourself is to see who you genuinely are and embrace it. It’s to show yourself compassion and kindness.

Only when you truly like who you are does your identity finally fall into place.