10 signs you’ve genuinely outgrown someone in life, according to psychology

Eliza Hartley by Eliza Hartley | August 9, 2024, 7:45 pm

Navigating through life, we often cross paths with many different individuals.

But as we grow and evolve, sometimes those individuals no longer walk in harmony with our journey.

Looking back, you might question whether certain relationships still serve you, or if they have become a hindrance to your growth.

Growing apart from someone isn’t easy, and it’s often hard to admit when it happens.

But according to psychology, there are some telltale signs. The signs can be subtle, but once you know what to look for, they’re hard to ignore. 

So, let’s delve into the 10 signs that you’ve genuinely outgrown someone in life, as shed light by psychology.

If these ring true for you, it may be time to reassess your connections and prioritize your personal development.

1) Your values no longer align

In the journey of life, we all grow and change.

Our beliefs and values evolve, often leading us down different paths.

This is a natural process and a sign of personal growth.

As you mature, you might notice that what was once a shared vision with someone else has now diverged.

The values you once held dear might not resonate with you anymore, and the same applies to the other person.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that either of you is wrong or has made a mistake.

It simply suggests that your paths have diverged, and it’s okay to acknowledge this change.

When you find that your core values no longer align with those of someone else, it may be indicative that you’ve outgrown this person in your life.

This realization can be difficult to accept, but it’s an essential step towards personal growth and self-discovery.

2) Their success doesn’t make you happy

It may seem counterintuitive, but one sign that you’ve outgrown someone in your life is when their success does not bring you joy.

Instead, it may trigger feelings of envy, resentment, or indifference.

In a healthy relationship, we celebrate each other’s accomplishments, and the joy of one person becomes the joy of both.

But if you find yourself unable to genuinely share in their happiness, it might be a sign that something has shifted.

This isn’t about harboring ill feelings towards them.

It’s more about recognizing that the bond between you has weakened or changed.

Your inability to feel happy for their achievements may be a signal that the connection is no longer serving your growth and well-being.

Coming to terms with this can be challenging, but it’s an important step towards cultivating relationships that truly uplift you.

3) You feel emotionally drained after spending time with them

Psychology tells us that our emotional state after interacting with someone is a powerful indicator of our relationship with them.

Do you feel energized, uplifted, and happy after spending time with this person?

Or do you feel drained, exhausted, and in need of solitude to recharge?

If it’s the latter, it’s a clear sign that the relationship may not be serving you well anymore.

It might mean that your paths are diverging, and you’re growing in different directions.

We all have ups and downs, and it’s normal to have occasional disagreements or difficult conversations.

But if you consistently feel drained, stressed, or anxious after your encounters, it might suggest that the dynamic isn’t healthy for you anymore. 

This isn’t about blaming the other person or labeling them as “toxic”.

It’s about recognizing how your interactions with them are affecting your emotional state and reassess your relationship.

4) You’ve stopped growing together

It’s a well-established fact that growth and change are inherent parts of life.

We evolve, learn new things, and continually shape our perspectives.

Ideally, the people in our life grow alongside us, providing mutual support and encouragement.

However, if you find that you’re evolving and the other person is stagnant, or vice versa, it might be a sign that you’ve outgrown the relationship.

This doesn’t mean that one person is superior to the other; growth is not a competition.

It simply means that you’re at different stages in your personal journeys.

When the progression of one person outpaces the other, it can create an imbalance in the relationship.

Recognizing this can be tough, but it’s crucial for maintaining relationships that foster mutual growth and fulfillment.

5) You no longer share common interests

It’s natural for our interests to evolve and change as we grow.

But when you and someone else start drifting apart in terms of hobbies or passions, it can signal a deeper divergence.

If you find that the activities you once enjoyed together now feel forced or uninteresting, it might be a sign of outgrowing the relationship.

It doesn’t mean one person’s interests are superior; it just means they’re no longer aligned.

This shift can sometimes be subtle, but noticing it is crucial.

It’s a clear indication that you’re growing in different directions, and the bond that once tied you together is loosening.

6) You find comfort in their absence

Ironically, sometimes a sign that you’ve outgrown someone is when their absence brings you more peace than their presence.

Instead of longing for their company, you might find yourself feeling relieved or more at ease when they’re not around.

This doesn’t mean you wish them harm or dislike them.

It simply signifies that the energy they bring into your space might not be aligning with your current state of being.

It’s a peculiar feeling, especially when it comes to someone you once shared close bonds with.

But recognizing this shift in comfort can be an important indicator that you’ve genuinely outgrown the relationship.

Understanding this can be challenging, yet it’s an integral part of maintaining your emotional health and creating space for healthier relationships.

7) Conversations feel forced and superficial

In any relationship, communication is key.

When conversations that used to flow naturally begin to feel strained or superficial, it can be a sign that you’ve outgrown the person.

You may find that you’re no longer interested in the same topics, or that your discussions lack depth and authenticity.

Maybe the silence that was once comfortable now feels awkward, or you’re constantly searching for things to talk about.

This shift doesn’t mean either of you has done something wrong; it’s simply a reflection of the changes you both have undergone.

It can be tough to admit, especially when you’ve shared so much with this person in the past.

Nevertheless, recognizing this change in communication is an important step towards understanding where you stand in the relationship and what steps may need to be taken next.

8) Your life goals have shifted

This one hits close to home for me.

A couple of years ago, I found myself in a friendship that had me questioning things.

We were close during college, but as we transitioned into adulthood, it was like we were living in two different worlds.

I started pursuing a career in writing and became passionate about mental health advocacy.

My friend, on the other hand, seemed stuck in the partying phase we left behind in college.

It wasn’t that one path was better than the other.

They were just different.

But it became clear that our values and goals had diverged significantly. It felt like we were speaking different languages.

The realization was tough, but necessary.

Sometimes, growing apart is just a natural part of life.

And psychology backs this up – when your directions and goals no longer align with someone else’s, it’s often a sign that you’ve outgrown the relationship.

9) You miss the old them, not the current them

This can be a tough realization, one that tugs at your heartstrings.

If you find yourself constantly reminiscing about how they used to be, rather than enjoying who they are now, it’s a sign you may have outgrown them.

It’s human nature to resist change, especially when it comes to people we care about.

But clinging to the past version of someone isn’t fair to either of you.

You might miss the old them, but that doesn’t mean the current them isn’t just as valuable – they’re just different.

And if you’re having trouble accepting their growth or changes, it’s a strong indication that you’ve outgrown the relationship.

It might be time to let go and allow both of you to move forward separately.

10) You’ve started to envision a future without them

This is perhaps the most telling sign that you’ve outgrown someone.

If you’re making plans for your future, and you realize those plans no longer include this person, it’s a clear indication that you’ve moved on emotionally.

It’s not about intentionally leaving someone behind.

It’s about understanding that as we grow and evolve, our journey may not always align with those of the people we care about. And that’s okay.

Remember, it’s crucial to honor your personal growth and the direction it’s taking you, even if it means leaving familiar relationships behind.

It’s a testament to your personal evolution, strength, and resilience.

Understanding the process of outgrowing

Outgrowing someone isn’t a simple process, nor is it a swift one.

It’s a gradual shift, often characterized by subtle signs that we may overlook until the change is too significant to ignore.

It’s important to understand that outgrowing someone doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that the relationship was meaningless.

On the contrary, every person we encounter on our life journey plays a significant role in shaping us.

They teach us lessons, help us understand ourselves better, and contribute to our growth in their unique way.

However, with growth comes change and with change comes the possibility of growing apart.

It’s a natural progression of life and relationships.

When we outgrow someone, it doesn’t diminish the value of what we had with them or the memories we shared.

It simply means that our paths, which once ran parallel, have now started to diverge.

This divergence isn’t negative; it’s a testament to our individual growth and personal evolution.

It’s an indication that we’re continually learning, changing, and becoming more attuned to ourselves and our needs.

Dealing with the realization that you’ve outgrown someone can be challenging.

It’s often accompanied by a sense of loss and can stir up feelings of guilt or confusion.

But it’s crucial to remember that it’s okay to prioritize your personal growth and emotional well-being.

Sometimes, letting go of certain relationships isn’t about cutting ties or harboring ill feelings towards anyone.

It’s about acknowledging that different people fit into different chapters of our lives. And as those chapters evolve, so do our relationships.

It’s essential to approach this process with kindness—kindness towards yourself and towards the person you’ve outgrown.

Recognize your feelings without judgement, allow yourself to grieve if necessary, and when you’re ready, grant yourself the permission to move forward.

Remember, personal growth is a journey, not a destination.

And on this journey, it’s okay to outgrow people, just as it’s okay to grow and evolve.

Endeavor to embrace this process with grace and understanding, knowing that it’s all part of your unique path in life.

Remember, every ending is a new beginning, a chance for further personal growth.

And while it may seem daunting now, with time, you might just look back and realize it was one of the best decisions you ever made.