How often have you found yourself in a relationship that leaves you feeling drained instead of uplifted?

I get it—I’ve been there too.

You think you’re making smart choices, but somehow, you keep ending up with men who are emotionally unavailable, manipulative, or downright toxic. And you can’t help but wonder, “Why does this keep happening?”

The answer might surprise you.

Psychology suggests that it’s not just bad luck or poor judgment—unconscious patterns and behaviors might be attracting these toxic men to you.

If you’re tired of the emotional roller-coaster and ready to break free from these unhealthy patterns, keep reading. This might be the wake-up call you’ve been waiting for.

1) You ignore red flags

Have you ever met someone who seemed too good to be true, only for their true colors to show later on?

We’ve all been there.

You start a new relationship and it feels amazing.

But then, tiny alarm bells start to ring. He’s overly possessive, or he disrespects you in front of his friends, or he’s always blaming others for his problems.

These are red flags, my friend.

Ignoring these warning signs is a subconscious behavior that many of us unknowingly engage in. Ignoring a problem, though, doesn’t make it disappear. In fact, it often makes things worse.

So, the next time you see a red flag, don’t push it under the rug.

Acknowledge it and address it. After all, your well-being should always be your top priority.

2) You have a history of toxic relationships

I’ll be honest. Not so long ago, I found myself in a string of relationships that were anything but healthy.

One minute, they were charming and affectionate. The next, they were cold and distant. It was an emotional roller-coaster that left me feeling drained and confused.

You see, psychologists say that if your past is littered with toxic relationships, it might not be a coincidence. It could be a pattern— a sign that you’re subconsciously attracting the wrong type of men.

It took me a while to recognize this in my own life. But once I did, it became the first step towards breaking free from that harmful cycle.

Acknowledging a problem is the first step towards solving it. So, if you notice this pattern in your life too, don’t dismiss it. Take it as an opportunity to introspect and grow.

3) You believe you can change them

I’m going to let you in on a little secret: You can’t change people. They can only decide to change themselves.

And yet, how many times have we caught ourselves thinking, “He’ll change for me,” or “I can fix him”?

This is a trap!

Believing you can alter a man’s toxic behavior is not only unrealistic but also an unhealthy pattern. It places an unnecessary burden on your shoulders, creating stress and tension in your relationship.

It’s high time we stop playing the ‘fixer’ in our relationships. It’s not our job to repair people. Our job is to love and respect ourselves enough to demand the same from our partners.

The only person you have control over is yourself. Instead of trying to change him, focus on what you can do to improve your own life and happiness.

4) Low self-esteem

Let’s talk about self-esteem.

It’s something we often overlook, but it plays a crucial role in the type of people we attract into our lives.

You see, when your self-esteem is low, you’re more likely to accept less than you deserve. You settle for toxic men because you believe that’s what you’re worth.

But here’s the reality.

You are worth so much more!

Low self-esteem can be a magnet for toxic men who prey on your insecurities. But the good news is that self-esteem is not set in stone. It can be built up over time.

So, don’t sell yourself short. You deserve to be treated with kindness, respect, and love. Start by treating yourself that way and watch how it changes the kind of people you attract.

5) You’re a people pleaser

Ever heard of the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup”?

This is especially true when it comes to relationships.

Being a people pleaser might seem like a harmless trait. After all, what’s wrong with wanting to make others happy, right?

But here’s what psychology tells us: people pleasers are more likely to attract toxic individuals.

Why?

Because toxic men often take advantage of your kindness and willingness to go the extra mile. They see it as an opportunity to manipulate and control you for their own benefit.

It’s essential to understand that your happiness matters too. It’s not selfish to prioritize your needs and wants.

In fact, setting boundaries is a healthy practice that can help you attract more genuine and healthy relationships.

Don’t be afraid to say no when something doesn’t feel right. It’s your life and you have every right to live it on your terms.

6) You’re afraid of being alone

Being alone can be scary.

I get it.

The silence, the solitude, the feeling of being disconnected – it can all feel overwhelming.

But here’s something I want you to understand: being alone doesn’t equate to loneliness.

In fact, some solitude can be incredibly empowering. It gives you the chance to get to know yourself better, to reflect on what you truly want in life, and to grow as an individual.

When we’re afraid of being alone, we sometimes end up settling for less than we deserve. We might overlook toxic behaviors just to avoid that fear of solitude.

You are enough on your own. There is strength in solitude. And it’s better to be single and at peace than in a relationship that brings you constant stress and unhappiness.

Embrace the moments of solitude. Use it as an opportunity to fall in love with yourself first. Because when you do, you set the foundation for healthier relationships in the future.

7) You don’t set boundaries

This is perhaps the most crucial point of all: boundaries.

Boundaries are your personal guidelines. They define what you are comfortable with and how you allow others to treat you.

Without clear boundaries, toxic men can easily overstep and take advantage of you. They might invade your personal space, disrespect your values, or manipulate you into doing things you’re not comfortable with.

But here’s the thing.

Setting boundaries isn’t about being rigid or confrontational. It’s about self-respect. It’s about saying, “This is who I am, and this is how I expect to be treated.”

So don’t be afraid to set and enforce your boundaries. They are an essential part of self-care and can act as a shield against toxic individuals.

Your boundaries are a reflection of your self-worth. And you, my friend, are worth so much more than toxic relationships.

Final thoughts

If you’ve found yourself nodding along to these signs, know this – you’re not alone.

The good news? This doesn’t have to be your story forever.

With self-awareness and a bit of effort, you can shift these patterns. Start by acknowledging the signs and understand that it’s okay to prioritize your wellbeing.

With time, these practices will become second nature, paving the way for healthier relationships that truly enrich your life.

You have the power to rewrite your relationship narrative. And trust me, it’s a story worth telling.