Deciphering whether you’re in a relationship for comfort or genuine love isn’t always straightforward.

Sometimes, it’s easy to blur the lines and find yourself stuck in a situation that feels cozy but lacks real passion.

But don’t worry—there are clear signs that can help you recognize when you’re in it for convenience rather than true love.

So, let’s talk about these seven signs that indicate you’re together for the wrong reasons. Facing this reality isn’t easy, but it’s the first step toward finding a love that’s truly fulfilling.

1) You find comfort in routine, not in each other

Let’s be real, routines can feel pretty cozy.

They give us a sense of stability in a world full of uncertainties. But when your relationship starts revolving more around sticking to a routine than being with your partner, it could mean you’re staying together for convenience.

Maybe it’s the routine of coming home to someone after work or the comfort of having a companion for social gatherings. Perhaps it’s the financial security that being in a relationship brings. But are these reasons enough to stay?

Sure, they’re practical considerations, but love goes beyond practicality.

2) Arguments are few and far between

Now, this might seem a bit surprising. Isn’t it good when there are no arguments?

Well, not always.

Sure, constant fights aren’t healthy, but completely avoiding conflict isn’t ideal either. If there are no arguments at all, it could mean you’re not invested enough in the relationship to stand up for what matters to you.

In a loving relationship, both partners genuinely care about each other’s feelings and needs. They’re open to having tough conversations and even disagreements because they want to resolve issues and grow together.

3) You’re more attached to their company than to them

This one is a tough pill to swallow.

Sometimes, we mistake the fear of loneliness for love. It’s hard being alone, and it’s easy to cling to a relationship that provides company, even if it lacks genuine love and connection.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I explore this very concept.

Codependency can sometimes masquerade as genuine love, but it’s actually an unhealthy dependence on your partner for emotional validation.

If you’re sticking with your partner primarily out of fear of being alone, rather than out of genuine love and appreciation for who they are, it could be a sign that your relationship is more about convenience.  

Remember, being content in your own company is essential for building healthy relationships.

4) You’re in the relationship because of “shoulds”

This one hits close to home for many of us.

How many times have you heard—or even told yourself—that you should stay in a relationship because it’s the “right” thing to do, or because you’ve been together for so long, or because you’re afraid of what other people might say?

The word “should” can be a dangerous thing in relationships. It often points to external pressures rather than genuine feelings of love.

As the great writer Mark Twain once said, “The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.” If you’re in a relationship because of “shoulds” rather than “wants,” it’s possible that you’re there out of convenience or fear, not love.

5) Your future plans don’t include each other

When you’re genuinely in love, your partner naturally becomes part of your future plans. You envision a life together—whether it’s exploring new places, starting a family, or growing old side by side.

But if you’re making plans without considering your partner, or if you’re avoiding talking about the future altogether, it could signal that love isn’t the driving force.

Maybe you’re holding back from committing because deep down, you know this relationship isn’t what you envision for your future. Or perhaps you’re prioritizing your own goals over shared dreams because the relationship doesn’t hold the same significance.

In a loving relationship, both partners eagerly anticipate a future together. If that’s not the case for you, it might be worth reflecting on why you’re staying in the relationship.

6) You’re not growing together

Growth is a vital part of any relationship, and it’s something I emphasize in all my advice.

When you love someone, you grow with them. You learn together, challenge each other, and help each other become better individuals. That’s the beauty of a loving partnership.

However, if you feel like you’re stuck in a rut or if you’re growing apart instead of together, it might be a sign that you’re in the relationship out of convenience rather than love.

As the renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.” The same applies to relationships. If you’re not evolving as a couple, it’s worth asking why that is.

And remember, it’s never too late for change. If you want to keep track of my latest articles and advice on relationships and personal growth, make sure to follow me on Facebook. Don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions or thoughts – I’m here to help!

7) You’re not truly happy

Here’s the raw, honest truth.

Love should bring you joy, comfort, and fulfillment. If instead, you’re feeling unhappy, unfulfilled, or stuck, it’s a clear sign that convenience might be keeping you together.

You might be going through the motions, putting on a happy face for the world while feeling hollow inside. But it’s crucial to pay attention to these feelings.

Sure, relationships have their ups and downs, no denying that. But overall, you should feel happy and content. If that’s missing, it’s time to dig deep into your relationship and figure out why.

Remember, everyone deserves to be in a relationship where they feel loved, valued, and above all, happy. Don’t settle for anything less.

Conclusion: The power of honesty in telationships

In the end, relationships come down to honesty—not just with our partners, but with ourselves too.

Spotting the signs that we’re together out of convenience rather than true love can be tough, even painful. But it’s also a chance to learn and grow.

It takes some soul-searching and bravery, but the payoff is huge—a shot at a relationship built on real love, respect, and shared dreams.

For a deeper dive into these topics, check out this insightful video by Justin Brown. He talks about finding a compatible partner and shares personal stories that offer valuable insights for anyone on their relationship journey.

Remember, it’s never too late to seek out a relationship that truly fulfills you. It’s never too late to choose love over convenience. And it’s never too late to choose authenticity over comfort.