We all get caught up in the past now and then:

Remembering the good times, old friends, shared joys and sorrows. Thinking back to regrets, bad things that happened to us, love that’s now gone. 

But it can become more than just an occasional thing. 

In fact, psychology points to many warning signs that you are getting too attached to the past in a way that’s negatively impacting your present. 

Let’s take a look. 

1) Nostalgia is your drug

Nostalgia is a kind of sweet pain: pleasant memories of the past, old friends and loved ones and events that brought us joy and meaning. 

It can be a wonderful stimulant for creative activity and personal reflection, but it can also go too far. 

At a certain point, nostalgic fixation can become psychologically harmful, holding you hostage to an idealized memory that removes your ability to live effectively and meaningfully in the present.

As clinical psychologist Valentina Stoycheva, Ph.D. writes:

“The difference between helpful and harmful nostalgia is the difference between incorporating the positive emotions of reminiscing into the present versus renouncing the present for the sake of reinstating and perpetually reliving some moment in the past.”

2) Change and potential change scares and saddens you

Remembering the better and worse aspects of the past is not inherently bad and can help fuel your dreams for the future and your actions in the present. 

But when it becomes a shield to hide from change and try to resist change, it can become psychologically harmful. 

That’s because change isn’t an option:

In many cases change occurs exactly when we don’t want it or expect it, and pushing back against it can lead to worse anxiety, depression and counterproductive actions. 

The past or memories of a better time can’t serve as any guarantee of the future. If you try to use it for that emotional purpose, it has become a self-soothing mechanism which can stunt psychological maturity and leave you unprepared to deal effectively with change. 

3) You idealize the past as a Golden Era

The past may have had some incredible times and incredible people! Nobody should minimize that. 

But psychology understands that our tendency to romanticize the “good old days,” is not necessarily tied to reality. 

What may have been quite hum drum and boring at the time becomes bathed in a kind of golden light years down the road. 

It’s a sort of coping mechanism and natural human tendency, but when it goes too far, this habit can leave you disconnected from reality and hung up on an ideal of a time and place that didn’t exist. 

This can hamper your ability to deal with the very real disappointments and realities of the present.

“When I was a freshman in college, the seniors would always regale us with stories about how much better the party scene was when they first arrived on campus. 

I scoffed at these stories until my friends and I said the same thing when we were seniors. Over time people tend to remember the positives more than the negatives,” notes psychology writer Ben Carlson.

4) You procrastinate and cancel plans out of fear of repeating past mistakes

It is possible to learn from the past, reflect on the past and adapt our present actions to try our best to improve and grow. 

But there is never a guarantee, and every risk has a downside and danger. That’s why it’s a risk.

If you find that you’re avoiding new opportunities and taking chances because of past disappointment this may be due to what psychologists call excessive rumination.

As licensed clinical psychologist Bethany Juby, PsyD explains: 

“Rumination is when you’re stuck in a loop of repeated negative thoughts about the past, and you can’t seem to stop even if you want to…

This negative thought cycle can impact your mental health and also intensify symptoms if you already live with depression or anxiety.”

5) Guilt and past regret cause you to turn to addictive behaviors

Pain or regret from the past is a powerful force. 

It can cause us to turn to addictive and escapist behaviors in an effort to quell the pain, disappointment and loneliness we feel instead of facing it and really trying to work with it. 

When you are overly attached to the past, it hangs around your neck like an Albatross, weighing you down like a curse. 

You can’t seem to take one step unburdened by the stories, memories, breakups, ideas and tragedies of what’s come before. 

So you grab a bottle, or a syringe, or go to poker on a three day cocaine-fueled bender, sleep with three strangers you’re not even attracted to in one weekend, or shop online until your credit card is maxed out. 

You’re trying to fill a hole that seems to never be filled.  

“It is impossible to understand addiction without asking what relief the addict finds, or hopes to find, in the drug or the addictive behavior,” notes psychologist and author Gabor Maté.

6) Past love or friendships that are over lead you to avoid opportunities for new connections

The ending of relationships in the past has left you jaded and out of hope. 

Why take a chance? That’s how it feels. And like it or not, that mentality can trap us very strongly into a certain paradigm and obscure new opportunities and relationships that could come our way. 

Take a new relationship that scares you because of how badly the last one went. Your fears may have strong justifications, but the relationship might end up being the best thing that ever happens to you. 

At some point that risk has to be taken or not, and if the past is holding you back from forming new connections and taking new chances then you may be stuck in 

“It’s natural — and sometimes even expected — to insistently think about that last argument you had with your ex-partner before you broke up. 

In most cases, though, you’ll think about this incident a little less every day. If you think about the past with the same intensity after a while, then you might be ruminating,” explains Juby.

7) You are consumed by anger at past injustice and can’t get over it

There’s something to be said for forgiving but not forgetting. Only a fool would give his ex-bullies the benefit of the doubt.

No historically persecuted people would easily trust newcomers who claim to be on their side unless they had a death wish. 

A bit of healthy distrust when past trauma has harmed us or our people is 100% logical and psychologically natural. 

But holding grudges is another matter, and psychology has firmly demonstrated the problem with holding grudges:

It lowers our ability to live our life in the present and increases numerous difficult experiences like anxiety, depression and psychosis.  

“Holding a grudge often involves trouble letting go of anger about the event. You might have intrusive thoughts or rehash what happened again and again,” notes mental health writer Courtney Telloian.

“It can be difficult to stop ruminating on past pain and distress once you’ve developed the habit, but you can break the cycle.”

8) Attempts to live up to a past ideal or glory days are leading to a disconnect with your present reality

Past glory and accomplishments can fuel the present and be a wonderful thing to remember and believe in. 

But they can also hold you back when they become an ideal that you can never live up to. 

When you wish you could have a boyfriend who was “so perfect” like your university beau…

When you think back to your first “dream job” and how it’s so much better than anything you’ll ever find now. 

Instead of being inspiring, the past then becomes an unattainable, pristinely-preserved ideal that is blocking present actions and hope for the future. 

Which brings me to the final point: 

9) The future terrifies you

There are no guarantees about the future, to say the least. 

A few days ago, the massive 1.6 mile-long Francis Scott Key bridge in Baltimore was doing just fine and ferrying traffic across as it was designed to. It had been since 1977.

Now it’s a pile of twisted rubble in the Patapsco River and at least six individuals are dead.

Life can be like that, hitting us with awful events we never would have expected. 

But the solution is not to think back of the past when everything was better or more predictable, but instead to plan for the future sequentially and one small step at a time.

The fear will gradually recede as we take ownership of small next steps.

As licensed therapist Jenny Maenpaa, LCSW, EdM advises:

“When your thoughts drift to next month or next year, actively bring yourself back to the present and focus on what you can do today, tomorrow or this week only.”