Hey there! Let’s talk about love—or maybe not quite love. Sometimes, we find ourselves in relationships for reasons other than genuine affection. 

In this article, we’ll delve into 10 telltale signs that you might be more interested in being in a relationship than truly being in love. 

From craving companionship to fearing solitude, these signs can shed light on whether you’re seeking love or just the idea of it. 

Ready? Let’s dive right in. 

1) You’re more in love with the idea than the person

There’s a big difference between being in love with someone and being in love with the idea of being in a relationship.

Often, we get swept up by the concept of a relationship—the companionship, the routine, and the societal expectations. This can sometimes overshadow our genuine feelings for our partner.

Think about it—are you truly in love with your partner, or do you just enjoy the comfort and routine they provide? If it’s the latter, you might be more in love with the idea of being in a relationship than with your partner themselves.

2) You’re constantly comparing them to others

I was once in a relationship where I constantly compared my partner to others. Whether it was a friend’s partner, a movie character, or even an ex, it always seemed like my partner fell short.

I’d think, “Why can’t he be more like John, who always plans romantic dates for his girlfriend?” or “James was so much more understanding when we argued.”

It took time to realize that this constant comparison wasn’t because my partner was lacking, but because I was searching for something else. I wasn’t really in love with him; I just wanted the ideal relationship I had imagined.

My point being: constant comparison can be a sign that you might not be in love with your partner. Ask yourself: are you in love with them, or are you projecting your ideals onto them?

3) You feel relieved when they’re not around

When you’re in love, your partner’s presence should bring joy and comfort. However, if you often feel relieved when they’re not around, it might mean you’re more interested in being in a relationship than in love.

Studies show that people genuinely in love release oxytocin, the “love hormone,” around their partners, fostering affection and attachment.

If you consistently find relief in your partner’s absence, it could indicate that your feelings are driven more by a desire for companionship than true love. 

4) You’re constantly questioning your feelings

When you’re in love, you usually feel certain about your feelings. But if you’re constantly questioning whether you truly love your partner, it might indicate you’re more interested in the idea of being in a relationship.

If you keep asking yourself, “Do I really love them?”, “Is this what love feels like?”, or “Am I with them because I love them or because I don’t want to be alone?”, these may suggest that your feelings are more about the desire for companionship than genuine love.

It’s normal to have occasional doubts in a relationship. However, if these doubts persist and focus on the authenticity of your feelings, it might be a sign that you’re seeking the comforts of a relationship rather than being truly in love.

5) You’re hoping they will change

When you truly love someone, you accept them as they are, flaws and all. However, if you’re constantly hoping for your partner to change, it might mean you’re not in love with them but with their potential.

If you often think about how much better things would be if your partner changed their habits, personality traits, or life goals, you might be more invested in the idea of a perfect relationship than in your partner.

Wishing for someone to change is like wishing for a different person altogether. Genuine love means loving them for who they are, without wanting to alter them.

6) Your happiness depends on the relationship

This one hits close to home for many of us. If your happiness entirely depends on the relationship, it might be less about love and more about the need to be in a relationship.

When you’re in love, your partner contributes to your happiness but doesn’t entirely define it. You should still find joy in other areas of your life, like hobbies, passions, friendships, and achievements.

If all your joy comes from being in a relationship, and without it, you feel incomplete or lost, then you’re likely more attached to the idea of being in a relationship than in love with your partner.

7) You feel lonely even when they’re around

There was a time in my life when I was with someone, but I still felt incredibly lonely. It was like we were together, but I was alone. Even when we spent time together, there was a sense of isolation that I couldn’t shake off.

This is a sign that you might not be in love with your partner, but rather just want to be in a relationship. When you’re in love, you feel connected to your partner emotionally, not just physically.

If you often feel lonely or disconnected even when you’re with your partner, it might be because you’re not emotionally fulfilled by them. You may be in the relationship more for the sake of having someone around rather than because you truly love them.

8) You’re overly focused on the future

It’s natural to have plans and dreams for the future in a relationship, but being overly focused on what’s to come might indicate you’re not truly in love.

If you’re always planning your future together but not enjoying the present moments, it could mean you’re more in love with the idea of what your relationship could be rather than what it is now.

When you’re truly in love, you cherish the time spent with your partner in the here and now. If your mind is always racing ahead to future milestones instead of appreciating the current journey, it’s possible you’re more attached to the idea of the relationship than the reality of it.

9) You’re making excuses for your feelings

If you find yourself making excuses for why you’re with your partner or why you love them, it might be a sign you’re more interested in being in a relationship than in truly loving them.

Phrases like “They’re really good for me” or “They treat me well” are important, but they can sometimes be a way of justifying a relationship that lacks genuine love.

Here’s the thing: recognizing your partner’s good qualities is great, but if those are the only reasons you can think of for being with them, you might be more drawn to the benefits of a relationship than the person themselves.

10) You’re afraid of being alone

Fear of being alone is one of the most common reasons people stay in relationships where they’re not truly in love. 

Being in love means wanting to be with someone for who they are, not because you’re uncomfortable being by yourself.

If the thought of being alone scares you more than the lack of genuine love in your relationship, it’s time to step back and reassess.

Let it sink in: it’s okay to be single. It’s far better to wait for a relationship where you’re truly in love than to settle for one where you’re merely comfortable.

It’s about self-love

At the heart of this journey lies one essential element: self-love.

Being in love and wanting to be in a relationship are two different emotions. It’s important to recognize and honor this difference.

If you identify with these signs, it’s an opportunity for introspection. It might be time to reevaluate your feelings and understand whether it’s love you’re experiencing or just the longing for a relationship.

Remember, it’s okay to want companionship. But it’s also crucial to ensure this desire doesn’t overshadow genuine feelings of love, if they exist.