Parenting doesn’t stop when your children grow up — but it certainly changes. For many, this transition to parenting adult children can be tricky to navigate.

Where do you draw the line between offering support and being over-involved?

And at what point does being a loving parent cross over into being more of a friend than a parent?

While building a close relationship with adult children is something many parents dream of, there are certain signs that might indicate you’ve tilted too far into “friend” territory — and that can have its own challenges.

Today, we’re exploring seven of those signs, helping you recognize where you stand and find the balance that works best for you and your grown children.

Let’s dive in.

1) You’re always the go-to for fun

There’s no doubt about it – parents can be fun. Yes, you read that right, we can be fun!

But when you’re the first call your adult children make for a party, a concert, or a night out, rather than for advice or guidance, it might be a signal you’re seen more as a friend than a parent.

Being the ‘fun’ parent isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Who wouldn’t want to share great times with their grown-up kids?

However, if every interaction is centered around entertainment and there’s little room for serious conversations or parental advice, it might suggest a shift in your role.

There’s a line between being relatable and being just another one of the gang.

Striking the right balance is key to maintaining both a meaningful and fun relationship with your adult children.

2) You avoid confrontation at all costs

“Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship, especially between parents and adult children. Maintaining an open dialogue bridges gaps and fosters mutual understanding. “- Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein, parent coach and psychologist.

I’ll be the first to admit it – I’m not a fan of confrontations. Who is, really? But as a parent, there are times when it’s simply unavoidable.

Let me give you an example.

When my eldest son moved back home after college, the rules we had in place seemed to blur.

Late nights out, dishes left in the sink, laundry everywhere – you name it.

Instead of addressing these issues, I found myself cleaning up after him just to avoid a potential argument.

Looking back now, I realize this was a clear sign that I was acting more as a friend than a parent.

In trying to keep the peace, I let my role as his parent take a backseat.

The truth is, even with adult children, being a parent sometimes involves having tough conversations and setting boundaries.

Avoiding these situations can often lead to you being seen more as a friend than a parent.

3) There’s a lack of respect for your advice

Do your opinions seem to fall on deaf ears? 

Respect is a foundational aspect of any parent-child relationship, and while it’s healthy for your grown kids to have their own viewpoints, there should still be an understanding that your perspective carries weight.

Do they brush off your suggestions or constantly interrupt when you’re offering guidance?

If so, it’s possible they see you as an equal — or even as someone who isn’t quite as “in the know.”

They may assume your advice is optional or even irrelevant rather than recognizing it as the wisdom that comes from experience.

This doesn’t mean you have to insist they always follow what you say; it’s about creating a space where your thoughts are valued, even if they don’t ultimately take your advice.

4) You’re always in the loop of their social life

Keeping open lines of communication with your adult children is great, but when you’re constantly updated about their friend drama, weekend plans, or romantic escapades, it’s a big sign that you’re being seen more as a friend than a parent.

Don’t get wrong here: it’s wonderful to be trusted with intimate details of their lives.

However, it’s also important as a parent to maintain some boundaries.

If your adult children are sharing with you the same way they would with a close buddy, it might be time to reassess the dynamics of your relationship.

5) You find it hard to say ‘no’

Once, my daughter asked me to cover her rent for a month. She was between jobs, and I knew she was struggling.

I wanted to help, but I also knew that stepping in like this wasn’t necessarily the best thing for her in the long run. Do you know the feeling?

The struggle to say ‘no’ is a strong indicator that you might be leaning more towards the friend role than the parent one.

As parents, we want to support our adult children, but there’s a difference between support and enabling.

Knowing when and how to say ‘no’ is a vital part of maintaining respect and authority in your relationship with your adult kids.

It’s not always easy, but setting these boundaries is a crucial part of helping them grow into responsible, independent adults.

6) You feel the need to keep up with their trends

Do you find yourself constantly trying to catch up with their lingo, fashion trends, or the latest TikTok dances just to fit in?

It’s a small thing, but it might suggest more of a friend dynamic.

As parents, we can appreciate and respect our adult children’s interests without feeling the pressure to participate in every trend they follow.

A healthy parent-child relationship allows for differences in taste, generation, and lifestyle without compromising the bond.

You don’t have to be ‘hip’ or ‘cool’ to be a good parent.

Your love and support matter far more than your ability to keep up with the latest trends.

7) You struggle with setting boundaries

Perhaps the most crucial aspect of any parent-child relationship, regardless of age, is setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.

Do you find yourself struggling to do so?

Boundaries not only preserve the respect and authority of your parental role but also ensure a healthy, balanced relationship with your adult children.

As noted by parent coach Jeffrey Bernstein, “Setting a boundary doesn’t mean shutting your child out—it’s about loving them while respecting your needs.”

 They are a necessary part of any parent-child dynamic and a clear indicator of where your relationship stands.

Final thoughts: It’s all about balance

The secret to navigating a healthy relationship with your adult children lies in finding the right balance.

It’s a delicate dance between being the guide they need and the friend they often want.

Recognizing where you stand in this dynamic might be the first step toward striking that perfect balance.

Remember, it’s not about fitting into one role or the other but rather blending both roles effectively.