Love and infatuation can often feel like two sides of the same coin. It’s easy to confuse the two, especially when you’re deep in the throes of a new relationship.

But here’s the thing: Real love and infatuation are not the same thing.

I’ve spent years studying mindfulness and Buddhism, and I’ve learned a thing or two about the intricate dance of emotions that we call love.

In this article, I’ll be sharing with you 8 signs which indicate that what you’re feeling could be infatuation, not actual love. It’s critical to understand these signs because they can help you navigate your relationship with more wisdom and authenticity.

Let’s dive in, shall we?

1) Fast-forward fantasies

Infatuation often unleashes a whirlwind of emotions, akin to being swept up in a tempest of excitement, desire, and anticipation. Among its telltale signs is the impulse to fast-track into the future.

Picture this: You embark on a new romance, and suddenly, your mind is racing ahead, conjuring images of shared holidays, family gatherings, and even growing old together—all after just a handful of dates!

Now, don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing inherently wrong with indulging in future fantasies. The issue arises when these daydreams overshadow the reality of the present moment in your relationship.

True love, you see, is a slow-burning flame, grounded in the here and now. So take a moment to center yourself, refocus your attention on the present, and breathe. This simple pause could be the key to distinguishing infatuation from genuine love.

2) All-consuming obsession

Another hallmark of infatuation is an all-consuming obsession. You know, that feeling when you can’t stop thinking about the other person? When every thought, every action seems to circle back to them?

Back in my younger years, I’ve been there, trust me. It felt like being in a dreamy haze, where everything around me was blurred except for the object of my infatuation.

While this might feel thrilling at first, it’s not exactly healthy. Love should be a part of your life, not consume it entirely.

As the great mindfulness expert, Thich Nhat Hanh once said, “To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love.” This means real love requires understanding and awareness, not just intense emotions.

So if your world revolves entirely around your partner and you’re neglecting other important aspects of your life, this could be a sign of infatuation. Remember, a balanced life is key to a healthy relationship.

3) Neediness over interdependence

Infatuation often masquerades as an overwhelming sense of neediness. You might find yourself convinced that life without the other person is simply unimaginable, or that your entire happiness hinges solely on their presence.

But let me tell you, my friends, this is a classic hallmark of infatuation, not genuine love.

Drawing from the profound insights of Buddhist philosophy, we learn about the principle of interdependence – the recognition that we are all interconnected, yet each responsible for our individual happiness.

True love, in its purest essence, involves two complete individuals joining forces to enrich each other’s lives, not two halves striving to merge into one. It’s about fostering personal growth and maintaining individuality while sharing existence with another.

4) Ignoring the flaws

When we’re infatuated, it’s like we’re wearing rose-colored glasses that paint everything about the other person in perfection. Their quirks become endearing, and their flaws seem to vanish into thin air. It’s as if they can do no wrong.

But let’s be real – this is a classic red flag of infatuation.

In contrast, mindfulness teaches us to see things as they truly are, free from judgment or bias. It’s about embracing reality, flaws and all, and approaching it with kindness and understanding.

True love isn’t about discovering a flawless individual. It’s about seeing an imperfect person in the most perfect light imaginable. This entails acknowledging their flaws and loving them wholeheartedly regardless.

5) Lack of depth

Infatuation tends to stay surface level. It’s all about the physical attraction, the butterflies in your stomach, the passionate, fiery connection. But what happens when you delve a little deeper?

In my experience, I’ve found that infatuation often lacks a deeper connection. This is something I delve into in my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“. True love goes beyond the exterior. It’s about connecting on a mental, emotional, and even spiritual level.

When you’re truly in love, you’re interested in understanding your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences. You value their opinions and ideas, and you want to grow together.

6) Temporary and fleeting feelings

Infatuation often resembles a wild rollercoaster ride. One moment, you’re soaring on cloud nine; the next, you’re plummeting into despair. These emotions are undeniably intense, yet they’re also transient.

But let’s delve into some profound Buddhist wisdom – the concept of impermanence. It reminds us that all things, including our feelings, are fleeting and subject to change. Embracing this notion can help us discern between infatuation and genuine love.

True love is like a steady anchor in the stormy seas of life. It’s not about the dizzying highs and crushing lows; instead, it’s a consistent, unwavering sense of deep affection and unwavering commitment. It perseveres through challenges, growing stronger with each passing moment.

Keep in mind, authentic love is steadfast and enduring. It doesn’t waver after a disagreement or fluctuate with mood shifts. It forms the bedrock of a relationship, standing firm against the test of time.

7) Immediate intensity

Infatuation is often characterized by immediate, intense emotions. It’s like being swept off your feet, overwhelmed by a wave of passion and desire. Sounds exciting, right? But it’s not always a sign of true love.

The Dalai Lama, one of the most respected figures in Buddhism, once said, “Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.”

True love isn’t just about passion. It’s also about compassion, understanding, and empathy. It’s a deep emotional connection that grows over time, not an immediate explosion of intense feelings.

If your relationship started with an intense burst of emotions that seem to be fading now, it might be a sign of infatuation. True love takes time to develop. It deepens with time, rather than diminishing.

8) Fear of uncertainty

Here’s a surprising indicator of infatuation: a fear of uncertainty. When infatuated, it’s common to feel a constant unease about the direction of the relationship or what your partner may be thinking. There’s this persistent worry that if you don’t cling tightly, it could all slip away.

Yet, mindfulness offers a different perspective. It urges us to embrace uncertainty, to live fully in the present moment, releasing our grip on worries about the future.

In true love, there’s a profound sense of security. You’re assured in your feelings for each other and in the strength of your bond. There’s no need for incessant fretting about ‘what ifs’ or ‘maybes’.

When you find yourself consumed by anxiety about where your relationship is heading, take a moment to breathe deeply. Engage in mindfulness practices. Release your fears and focus on the here and now.

Breaking the infatuation spell: Unveiling the path to genuine love

If you’re caught in the whirlwind of infatuation without the anchor of true love, it’s time to hit pause and reassess.

First, acknowledge the signs: the rollercoaster of emotions, the fear of uncertainty, and the dependence on your partner for happiness. 

Next, embrace mindfulness – it’s your compass through the maze of intense feelings. Let go of the obsession with perfection and uncertainty about the future. Instead, focus on the present moment and accept impermanence as a natural part of life.

It’s not easy, but make a conscious effort to cultivate individual growth, nurture genuine connections, and prioritize mutual respect. By letting go of infatuation’s illusions, you pave the way for authentic, lasting love to blossom.

Remember, true love isn’t a fairytale; it’s a steady flame that withstands storms.  

To delve deeper into these topics and more, I invite you to check out my book “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“. It contains some of my most profound insights on love, relationships, mindfulness, and Buddhist wisdom.

Remember, love is not about rushing into feelings or holding onto someone tightly out of fear. It’s about understanding, growing together, and most importantly, it’s about freedom – the freedom to be yourself and to love without losing your individuality.

Be mindful of your feelings, be honest with yourself, and always strive for mindful, authentic love.