There’s an important difference between being in a genuine relationship and being in a situationship.

The difference is all about commitment. In a situationship, you’re together but not really together, you’re dating but not really dating. The lines are blurry and the rules are undefined.

Being in a genuine relationship, however, means there’s clarity, commitment and mutual respect.

There are certain signs that can help you distinguish between the two. And let me tell you, being aware of these signs can save you from a lot of heartache.

So, here are 9 signs to look out for if you’re wondering whether you’re in a situationship or a true relationship.

1) Uncertainty and lack of commitment

One of the biggest signs that you’re in a situationship rather than a genuine relationship is the lack of commitment.

In a real relationship, both partners are committed to each other and have clear expectations. But in a situationship, everything is vague and undefined. You might be seeing each other regularly but never talk about where the relationship is heading.

This uncertainty can lead to anxiety and stress, as you’re constantly guessing about the other person’s feelings and intentions.

Renowned psychologist Albert Ellis once said, “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”

In a situationship, it often feels like you’re not in control of your destiny, but rather at the mercy of the other person’s whims. Recognizing this sign can help you take control and decide whether this is really what you want.

2) Emotional unavailability

Another telltale sign of a situationship is emotional unavailability, and trust me, I’ve been there.

There was this one person I was seeing, and we were having a great time. But every time I tried to discuss our feelings or our future, he would shut down or change the topic. It was like he had built a wall around his emotions, and I could never quite break through.

It was exhausting, always guessing and never truly knowing where I stood with them emotionally. As psychologist Carl Rogers said, “What is most personal is most universal.” In a genuine relationship, it’s natural to share personal feelings and experiences because it brings you closer together. But in a situationship, these personal aspects are often missing.

3) Lack of intimacy

Let’s be honest here, being in a situationship can often feel like you’re stuck in a cycle of physical intimacy without the emotional depth that comes with a real relationship.

You might be spending nights together, but when the sun comes up, the connection seems to fade. Deep conversations are replaced with superficial chit-chat, and you’re left craving more.

Freud once said, “We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.” And in a situationship, it often feels like you’re pouring love into a vessel that’s just not ready to hold it.

The lack of emotional intimacy, despite the physical closeness, can be a painful sign that you’re in a situationship, not a genuine relationship.

4) Absence of shared future plans

Now, this is something I’ve noticed in my own experiences and those of close friends. In a situationship, there’s a glaring absence of plans for the future.

While in a genuine relationship, you might discuss future holidays, meeting each other’s families, or even just plans for the next weekend. In a situationship, conversations about the future tend to be avoided or dismissed.

As psychologist Viktor E. Frankl said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” Recognizing that there’s an absence of shared future plans can be an important step in understanding the nature of your relationship.

5) A sense of freedom… but at a cost

Here’s something that might seem counterintuitive. You’d think being in a situationship gives you a sense of freedom. After all, there’s no commitment, no rules, no expectations.

But, this freedom can come at a high emotional cost. You might feel free to date others, but it often leads to confusion and a constant state of anxiety. There’s always this lingering question – “Where do we stand?”

As Paulo Coelho puts it, “Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose – and commit myself to – what is best for me.” In a situationship, this choice seems blurry as commitments are unclear.

6) Non-priority feeling

Priority is the cornerstone of a genuine relationship, where both individuals dedicate time, effort, and emotional investment to nurture the bond. They’re willing to make sacrifices and adjustments for the sake of the relationship.

However, you might often feel like you’re not a priority. Your needs and feelings might not be given the importance they deserve. Plans could be last-minute or always on their terms, indicating that they are not willing to make the same effort or sacrifice for you.

This feeling of not being a priority is another strong sign of a situationship. It reflects the imbalance and lack of mutual commitment that are typical in such connections.

7) Rollercoaster feeling

Being in a situationship can often feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster. One day, you’re up in the clouds, feeling loved and cherished. The next, you’re plummeting down, feeling ignored and insignificant.

It’s this constant up and down, this hot and cold behavior that can leave you feeling drained and insecure. You’re never quite sure where you stand or what to expect next.

As psychologist Abraham Maslow said, “In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety.” If your relationship feels like an unpredictable rollercoaster, it might be time to step forward into growth and seek stability.

8) Feeling of being stuck in the ‘now’

Let’s get real here. In a situationship, you often feel stuck in the ‘now’. There’s no looking back at shared memories with warmth because everything feels temporary. And there’s no looking forward to future plans because they simply don’t exist.

It’s like you’re in a constant state of limbo, unable to move forward or backward. This can be emotionally draining and leave you feeling unsatisfied.

Renowned psychologist Carl Jung said, “We cannot change anything until we accept it.” Recognizing that you’re stuck in this ‘now’ with no progression is the first step towards changing your situation.

Feeling trapped in the present, with no root in the past or branch to the future, is a clear sign you’re in a situationship, not a genuine relationship.

9) Lack of emotional support

In a genuine relationship, both parties provide emotional support to each other. They are there for each other in times of need, offering comfort, understanding, and help.

In a situationship, this level of emotional support might not be present. You might find that when you’re going through a tough time or dealing with personal issues, the other person doesn’t provide the emotional support you need.

This could be because they’re keeping an emotional distance to avoid deepening the attachment.

A lack of emotional support can leave you feeling isolated and alone, even when you’re in the company of the other person.

Navigating forward

If you’ve identified with a majority of these signs, it’s likely that you’re in a situationship. It’s a place of ambiguity and uncertainty that can leave you feeling unsettled. But remember, recognizing the situation as it is serves as the first step towards clarity.

Now comes the crucial part – deciding what you want. Do you want to continue with this situationship or are you seeking a more genuine relationship? This decision is deeply personal and should be based on your emotional needs and desires.

In case you desire a more substantial relationship, it’s essential to communicate your feelings and expectations to the other person. Remember, clear and honest communication is key. However, be prepared for all outcomes. They may not want the same things as you, and that’s okay.

It’s important to prioritize your emotional wellbeing. If the situationship is causing you distress, it might be time to reconsider and perhaps, move on. By acknowledging your feelings and desires, you can navigate this confusing terrain and make decisions that align with your emotional needs.

Every experience, even a situationship, teaches us something valuable about ourselves and our desires in a relationship. Use this knowledge as a stepping stone towards building healthier and more fulfilling relationships in the future.