People say that relationships are hard work, which is true to a certain extent.

However, there’s a big difference between “hard” that comes as an inevitable part of such close intimacy and “hard” that stems from inherent incompatibilities or a lack of effort.

Today, we’re going to determine what your “hard” is.

Ready?

Here are the 7 signs you’re in a relationship with a low-quality person (or someone who acts low-quality around you because the relationship isn’t as important to them as they claim).

1) Your partner feels entitled to your love…

According to research, too much entitlement lowers satisfaction and intimacy in romantic relationships, not to mention it increases conflict.

This is because entitlement inherently ties into either too high or unreciprocated expectations.

If your partner expects you to make them breakfast every morning, you will eventually feel unappreciated and resentful.

If they assume you will stick by them through thick and thin even if they treat you poorly, you will soon realize your love is being taken for granted.

If your kindness becomes an expectation rather than something worth celebrating, you will feel like everything you do is never enough. 

You and your partner have a completely different view of how much value you bring into the relationship.

That’s not all, though. Not only does a low-quality partner feel entitled to your love – they also don’t return the favor.

2) They don’t reciprocate

As psychologist Mark Travers Ph.D. says, excessive entitlement “occurs when a person only thinks about their own needs and ignores the feelings and needs of their partner. 

For instance, they might demand constant attention or special treatment without reciprocating the same care or consideration for the other person.”

Imagine your partner expects you to always be at their beck and call, but the moment you need them to be there for you, they are suddenly too busy or withdraw emotionally.

Ouch. It hurts, doesn’t it?

That’s because it’s not right, and you know it. A healthy relationship can only work if both people show up for the other person in the best way they know how.

If your significant other continually fails to meet your needs while you go above and beyond to make them happy, it’s a sign that their heart might not be in it or that they may need to work on themselves a great deal.

Ultimately, though, this isn’t about how they feel or what they need to do. It’s about you.

If you feel like your love goes unappreciated, and no matter how many times you bring the issue up, nothing much changes…

Is this relationship genuinely good for you?

Just some food for thought.

3) The relationship makes you feel drained and alone

When a problem occurs, you’re the one who’s got to open up the conversation and urge your partner to talk things through.

When it comes to admin and organizational tasks, you’re the manager and delegator.

When something amazing or terrible happens to you, your friends or family make you feel more supported than your partner does.

At the end of the day, your relationship doesn’t contribute to a feeling of emotional safety and support. It doesn’t fulfill you in the way you need. It doesn’t recharge you. It doesn’t push you forward.

On the contrary, it holds you back.

Sure, your significant other might give you lots of cuddles or occasionally cook a delicious meal. But in the grand scheme of things, you feel more drained than recharged; more alone than as part of a team.

I’ve been there. I know how hard it is to admit all of this to yourself. How heartbreaking it is to take the necessary steps to do what’s ultimately best for your well-being.

But I also know that a relationship that doesn’t serve you is only going to slow you down and waste your precious energy.

Choose what makes you genuinely happy, not what’s safe.

4) Your partner lies, is secretive, or doesn’t let you in

This one sounds pretty obvious, but the truth is that it’s not always as clear-cut as one huge lie.

More often than not, secretive partners tell a lot of small lies or don’t lie outright – they just leave some stuff out.

What’s more, there are different levels to this. 

A partner who leads a secret second life is generally much worse than someone who struggles to open up to you about their dark past, but ultimately, both of these scenarios can lead to a breakdown of the relationship.

The first is a massive betrayal of trust. The latter – especially if your partner’s past has an impact on their behavior in the relationship itself – signals there’s a hesitancy to build trust in the first place.

“Trust is an essential component of happy and healthy relationships,” says psychologist Jeremy Nicholson, M.S.W., Ph.D. 

He highlights multiple factors go into building trust with one’s partner, such as:

• A general ability to trust others
• The behavior of both people in the relationship
• The overall dynamics between partners
• Social context

Look, it isn’t easy to build a sense of trust. It makes perfect sense that some people open up gradually.

However, there comes a point when someone is no longer interested in letting you in – they’re just stalling and hoping you’ll stop prodding.

If you’ve been together for years, and you still feel like there are some big things about your partner you’re not privy to…

It’s another sign you’re dating someone who can’t give you what you need.

5) You have to filter yourself around them

“Love requires an experience of authentic connection,” writes social psychologist Theresa E. DiDonato Ph.D.

She explains, “Love is felt when you’re being who you really are, with vulnerability and openness, and experiencing belonging and togetherness with another person. 

The dynamics driving authentic connection include a) mutual affinity, when people want to be together and share experiences, and b) being ‘in tune,’ which is akin to interpersonal chemistry.”

Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

• Are you worried that if you’re too honest about certain matters, your partner will judge you?
• Do you act differently around your partner and your friends?
• Do you feel that your conversational chemistry isn’t quite right?
• Does their love for you feel too conditional?
• Are you generally quite careful about what you say in their presence?
• Do they act dismissive or strange when you let your inner child out and show your silly/playful side?

If your answer to most of these questions is “yes”, it most likely means you don’t feel comfortable being your authentic self around your significant other.

And that’s quite a big issue.

Your partner is someone who might spend the next few decades (or even a lifetime) by your side. They ought to know you fully and love you in your entirety.

They shouldn’t pick and choose. If they aren’t happy with the whole package, someone else will be.

6) Your partner’s lifestyle negatively impacts your well-being

Look, just because someone loves to play video games for six hours straight while you go to the gym doesn’t mean they are a low-quality person.

However, their lifestyle most probably doesn’t match yours – and potentially drags you to places where you’d rather not be.

If two introverted gamers date, they’re going to have a blast playing next to each other and discussing their shared interest.

If your lifestyle revolves around going on hikes, working out, or traveling, and if you dislike video games to top it all off, you’re probably not going to be all too happy with a gamer.

Trust me, I’ve tried. It didn’t work out.

Lifestyle plays a huge role in our lives. It does matter if your partner is as environmentally conscious as you, if they have a similar outlook on life if they are active, and if they have similar cleanliness standards.

Sure, you might learn to cohabit with someone whose lifestyle is fundamentally different from yours. But you probably won’t thrive.

And if there’s one thing a relationship should do, it’s to help you flourish into the best version of yourself.

7) Your partner’s with you because it’s comfortable and easy…

…not because it’s what they genuinely want.

Here comes the crux of the problem.

The truth is, most people aren’t “low-quality”. They’re just not dating the right person, be it due to incompatibilities or a lack of effort.

From personal experience, I know just how terrifying it is to end a relationship that plays a vital role in your life. Uncertainty is scary. It’s uncomfortable.

But if it’s the right thing to do, it’s also one of the best decisions you might ever make.

So, here’s a final question for you: Is your partner with you because they want you with all their heart and choose you every day? 

And can you see this in their behavior toward you (rather than just words)?

If your answer makes you uncomfortable, it means it might be time to have some serious conversations and make some tough choices.