10 signs you’re in a relationship with a deeply insecure man

Ava Sinclair by Ava Sinclair | June 7, 2024, 1:51 pm

We all have times when we feel a bit insecure. That’s normal. But when those insecurities start running the show in your relationship, it’s time to sit up and take notice.

Deep insecurity isn’t just about needing a little pick-me-up now and then. It’s a more serious deal than that. And it can make your guy act in ways that aren’t good for either of you.

But how do you spot deep insecurity? It can be tricky because it often hides behind other feelings and actions.

So, let’s dive in and look at these 10 signs that suggest you’re dating an insecure guy.

1) He’s constantly fishing for compliments

You know when you look good. You know when you’ve done something impressive. But for some reason, your guy needs you to tell him these things…all the time. It’s like he can’t see his own worth unless you’re constantly reminding him.

In a healthy relationship, compliments are shared freely and sincerely. But with an insecure guy, it can feel like you’re on a never-ending compliment mission just to keep his spirits up.

2) He’s a green-eyed monster

Jealousy can be flattering when it’s mild, showing that your guy cares about you. But when it goes overboard and becomes a regular thing, that’s not sweet – it’s insecure.

Excessive jealousy doesn’t mean he loves you more. It means he’s worried he’s not enough for you and scared of losing you. Remember, trust is important in a relationship. 

3) He needs to know your every move

Ever feel like you’re dating a detective? I know I did with my ex. He would want to know what I was doing, where I was going, and who I was with at all times.

It got to a point where it felt like I was reporting to a boss, not sharing my day with a partner.

It’s not about him being interested in your life; it’s about him needing to keep tabs on you. In a healthy relationship, there’s trust and respect for each other’s personal space and time.

4) He’s a negative Nancy

Did you know that insecure people often have a more negative outlook on life? It’s true! Researchers have found a link between insecurity and a negative way of thinking.

If your man is always expecting the worst, it could be because he’s insecure. Maybe he thinks he doesn’t deserve good things, or that he’ll mess up somehow. This constant negativity can be draining for both of you and can really dampen the joy in your relationship. 

5) He questions your love

Love is a beautiful thing. It’s comforting, reassuring, and gives us a sense of belonging. But when insecurities creep in, they can turn this beautiful feeling into a source of stress.

If your man is always asking if you love him, or if you find him attractive, or if you’re sure about your feelings for him, it’s heartbreaking.

You can see the doubt in his eyes, and it hurts because you know your love is true. But his constant questioning isn’t about your love. It’s about his insecurities. He’s scared that he’s not lovable, that he doesn’t deserve someone like you.

6) He can’t handle criticism

I’ll never forget the time I suggested my then-boyfriend try a new cooking technique. You would’ve thought I’d insulted his grandmother the way he reacted. He got defensive and started listing all the times his meals turned out great.

In a healthy relationship, we should be able to give and receive feedback without it turning into World War III.

But if your guy gets defensive or upset over little things, it could be a sign of insecurity. Keep in mind, criticism, especially when it’s constructive, can help us grow. But an insecure man may see it as an attack. 

7) He puts himself down

It’s tough to hear someone you care about put themselves down. When your man is constantly saying things like, “I’m such a loser,” or “I can’t do anything right,” it’s like a punch to the gut.

You see him for who he really is – a wonderful man with strengths and weaknesses, just like everyone else. But all he sees are his flaws. It’s not just modesty or having an off day. This is a guy who genuinely believes he’s not good enough.

No one is perfect, and we all have our shortcomings. But constant self-deprecation isn’t healthy. And as much as it hurts to see him this way, remember, you can’t fix him. He has to want to fix himself.

8) He’s overly competitive

Did you know that an excessive need to win could be a sign of insecurity? According to psychology, people who are insecure may overcompensate by trying to appear superior to others.

If your man turns everything into a competition, it could be because he’s insecure.

Maybe it’s about who can run faster, who can eat more, or something as silly as who can get ready faster. This constant need to outdo others isn’t about the joy of competition. It’s about him needing to prove his worth.

9) He’s a control freak

My friend once dated a guy who needed to be in control of everything. From where they ate out to who they hung out with, he dictated it all. It was exhausting, and she felt like she was losing her independence.

If your man needs to control every aspect of your relationship, it could be a sign of insecurity. He might feel that he can prevent bad things from happening (like you leaving him) if he’s in control.

10) He’s terrified of commitment

This one’s a toughie. You’re ready to take the next step, but he’s dragging his feet. It’s not that he doesn’t love you, he’s just terrified of commitment. And it hurts.

Deep down, he might believe that he’s not good enough for you. He thinks if he commits, you’ll eventually see his ‘flaws’ and leave him. His fear isn’t about the commitment; it’s about the potential rejection that comes with it.