7 signs you’re in a healthier relationship than the average couple, according to a love expert

Tina Fey by Tina Fey | October 16, 2024, 8:14 am

Ever wonder how your relationship stacks up against others?

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your relationship to the picture-perfect couples on social media or those seemingly flawless relationships around you.

But the truth is, a healthy relationship isn’t always about grand gestures or picture-perfect moments.

As a relationship expert, I’m here to help you recognize the subtler signs of a strong connection. 

You might be doing better than you think—let’s take a look!

1) Respect and admiration

Now, this doesn’t mean you have to put your partner on a pedestal or think they’re perfect – far from it.

In fact, it’s about acknowledging their flaws and loving them anyway.

Healthy couples genuinely admire each other and appreciate the qualities, abilities, and achievements that make their partner unique.

It’s not just about saying “I respect you”, but showing it in actions; like listening when your partner speaks, valuing their opinions, and giving them space to be themselves.

And here’s the kicker: this mutual respect doesn’t waver, even in disagreements.

If you can disagree with your partner without disrespecting or belittling them, then that’s a sign you’re in a healthier relationship than most.

Trust me, it’s rarer than you might think.

Love without respect is shallow and unlikely to last.

So take a moment to reflect; does your relationship pass the respect test?

2) Open communication

Here’s a fact: research suggests 31% of couples who ended their marriages cited incompatibility as the reason.

My question (and probably yours, too) is how?

How do you marry someone without realizing you have irreconcilable differences?

I’ll tell you how. It happens when a relationship lacks real, open communication.

People avoid the hard conversations, gloss over issues, or assume their partner will eventually change.

This leads to misunderstandings and unmet expectations, which slowly erode the relationship.

As playwright George Bernard Shaw once said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

Without truly talking and listening to each other, couples can go years thinking they’re on the same page, only to discover later that they weren’t even in the same book.

A healthy relationship thrives on transparency—sharing your thoughts, fears, and dreams openly, without judgment or fear.

It’s not always easy, but it’s absolutely essential.

3) Independence

Now, this might sound surprising, but hear me out.

One thing I’ve noticed in my years as a love expert is that healthier couples recognize the importance of maintaining individuality within their relationship.

Yes, being in love means sharing your life with someone, but it doesn’t mean losing yourself in the process.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I dive d eeper into this concept.

I talk about how maintaining your independence and encouraging your partner to do the same can actually strengthen your bond.

For now, though, just know that it’s about understanding that you’re two unique individuals, each with your own interests, passions, and goals.

In a healthier relationship, you give each other the space to grow individually without feeling threatened or insecure.

4) Realistic expectations

Let’s get real for a moment.

Just like in life, there are no fairy tales in relationships.

No prince charming or knight in shining armor is coming to sweep you off your feet.

And honestly, that’s not what a healthier relationship looks like anyway.

It’s about having realistic expectations of each other and the relationship itself.

It’s about understanding that your partner is a human, just like you, with their own faults and weaknesses.

A healthier relationship is not about finding someone who completes you, but rather someone who complements you.

It’s about two whole individuals coming together to create something beautiful.

It’s also about recognizing that there will be ups and downs.

There will be fantastic, love-filled days, and there will be days when you can barely stand each other. And that’s okay.

5) Healthy conflict

Now, this might seem counterintuitive.

After all, isn’t the lack of conflict a sign of a good relationship? Well, not necessarily.

Every relationship has its fair share of disagreements.

It’s not the absence of conflict that makes a relationship healthier – it’s how you handle it.

In fact, avoiding conflict entirely can be a sign of unhealthy dynamics like fear or resentment.

As well put by the folks at Psych Central “The issue with brushing an issue under the rug is that the problem this couple is facing will likely not go away until it is addressed. And until it is addressed, resentment can build.”

On the other hand, healthy conflict involves addressing issues head-on, with respect and open-mindedness.

It’s about finding a resolution that satisfies both parties instead of one person always giving in to keep the peace.

It means knowing when to compromise and when to stand your ground.

Believe me, a little conflict now and then is not just normal; it’s necessary for growth.

So don’t shy away from it. Embrace it.

6) Trust and loyalty

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” — Brené Brown.

Being vulnerable in a relationship is powerful, but it’s also one of the hardest things to do.

Many people, especially early on, try to guard themselves, hiding parts of who they are for fear of rejection.

But here’s the truth—without vulnerability, you can’t build genuine intimacy.

This is often one of the first things I work on with my clients: helping them feel safe enough to let down their walls.

When you’re vulnerable with your partner, you invite them into your inner world—your fears, your hopes, your flaws.

That openness fosters trust, deepens connection, and allows both people to truly see and be seen.

7) Shared values

Let’s cut to the chase here.

In the end, love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship.

You could love someone deeply, but if your core values clash, it’s going to be a rocky road ahead.

In a healthier relationship, partners share similar values and life goals.

This doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything – far from it.

But your basic beliefs about what’s important in life should align.

It’s about wanting the same things, having similar visions for the future.

It’s about respecting each other’s values, even if they don’t align with yours completely.

If you and your partner are rowing your boat in the same direction – if you share a mutual understanding of what matters most to each of you, then that’s a solid indication of a healthier relationship.

It’s not about changing for someone or expecting them to change for you.

It’s about finding that person who aligns with you just the way you both are. And that, my friends, is something truly special.

Conclusion

So there you have it, seven signs that you’re in a healthier relationship than the average couple.

Remember, no relationship is perfect.

We all have our challenges and areas to work on. But if you can identify with most of these signs, then you’re certainly on the right track.

And even if you don’t, don’t be disheartened.

Love is a journey, not a destination. It’s about growing together and constantly striving to be better.

For more insights on maintaining a healthier relationship and overcoming codependency, I encourage you to check out my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.

In it, I dive deeper into these concepts and offer practical tips on how to build and maintain a stronger, healthier relationship.

Until next time, keep growing, keep loving, and keep being the best partner you can be!

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