It’s really hard to know when you’re enabling someone in your life or just being supportive. 

I’ve been in this situation before, and let me tell you, it can be scary to stand up for yourself or enforce boundaries.

But when you’re dealing with a manipulator, no matter how much you love them, you’ve got to protect yourself.

And above all, stop giving them a pass on their toxic behavior. 

So, without further ado, here are 9 signs you’re enabling a manipulator to control you (without realizing it):

1) Feeling responsible for their emotions

It’s natural to care about the feelings of others, especially those close to us.

However, when you find yourself constantly feeling responsible for someone else’s emotions, it might be a sign of manipulation.

Here’s the thing – manipulators are skilled at making you feel like you’re the cause of their negative emotions.

They may blame you for their feelings of anger, sadness, or frustration, even when it’s not your fault.

This is a classic control tactic.

Essentially, it keeps you on edge, always trying to keep them happy to avoid conflict.

So, it’s time to get clear on what’s your responsibility and what isn’t. Otherwise, you’re running the risk of enabling this toxic behavior. 

2) Constantly questioning your decisions

I’ve spent my fair share of time in relationships where I was constantly second-guessing myself.

In one such relationship, I found myself constantly questioning my decisions, big and small.

Whether it was choosing a restaurant for dinner or making a career move, my partner always had something to say about my choices.

He’d subtly undermine me with comments like “Are you sure that’s the best option?” or “I would have done it differently”.

And slowly, I began to doubt my judgment and rely on him for even the smallest of decisions.

This is a classic sign of manipulation, and I was enabling it. 

By making you question your ability to make decisions, manipulators gain control over your choices.

If you find yourself in this situation, take a step back and reflect. It’s important to trust your own judgment and not let someone else control your decisions.

3) Feeling guilty for saying no

Guilt is a powerful emotion.

It’s a tool manipulators often use to get their way.

In a healthy relationship, both parties should feel comfortable expressing their needs and setting boundaries.

However, manipulators have a knack for making you feel guilty when you say no to them.

So if you’re frequently feeling guilty for asserting your own needs or saying no, it could be a sign that you’re enabling a manipulator.

It’s crucial to remember that saying no is not only okay, it’s necessary for maintaining your own well-being.

4) Always being the one to apologize

Apologizing when you’re in the wrong is a sign of maturity and respect. 

 But, if you find yourself always being the one to say sorry, even when you’re not at fault, it could be a sign that you’re enabling their manipulative ways. 

Manipulators have a way of twisting situations to make you feel like the guilty party, even when they are clearly in the wrong.

This is a control tactic designed to keep you submissive and compliant.

Especially if this person never admits to their mistakes or takes responsibility. 

But ultimately, everyone makes mistakes and it’s important for all parties in a relationship to own up to them.

It shouldn’t always be on you to keep the peace.

5) Your needs are always secondary

Do you feel like your needs are always pushed to one side? 

It could be as simple as always watching what they want to on television, or as significant as them making major decisions without considering your input.

If you feel that you’re always overlooked, it’s time to stop this enabling behavior. 

You have every right to be taken into consideration, and the first person who needs to believe it is YOU. 

The rest of the world will follow when you put your foot down and stop compromising on everything just to keep others happy. 

6) You’re always walking on eggshells

There’s a certain heaviness that comes with living in constant fear of upsetting someone.

You tread carefully, trying not to step on the proverbial eggshells scattered around you.

This feeling of always needing to be careful with your words and actions is a common sign of being in a manipulative relationship.

The truth is, manipulators thrive on keeping you anxious and off-balance.

They make it so that even the slightest misstep could lead to a blow-up or a guilt trip.

And as we’ve already discussed, guilt is a powerfully effective tool. 

If you find that you’re always hyper-aware of your actions and words around a certain person, it’s time to ask yourself why.

No one should have to live in constant fear of causing offense or provoking anger.

It’s draining and it’s not fair to you.

7) You often feel drained

There was a time in my life when I would come home from spending time with a particular friend and feel completely drained.

I’d be exhausted, emotionally and mentally, even if we’d just had coffee for an hour.

Every conversation seemed to revolve around their problems or their perspective, leaving little room for me to share my experiences or thoughts.

It was as if being around them sucked all the energy out of me.

This is a common sign of a manipulative relationship.

Manipulators often demand a lot of attention and emotional energy, leaving you feeling depleted. 

In the end, I had to step away from the friendship. I was done enabling her victim mentality. And I was done disrespecting myself, my energy, and my time. 

You absolutely can do the same!

8) You’ve started to lose your sense of self

Being in a manipulative relationship can cause you to lose sight of who you truly are.

Over time, you might start to notice shifts in your personality, values, or behaviors that align more with the manipulators than your own.

This can happen when you’re constantly yielding to their wants and needs, or when they’re subtly molding you to fit their ideal.

I know how this feels. Losing yourself is a lonely place to be. 

But it’s never too late to turn things around. Start spending time by yourself or with people who make you feel good. 

Rediscover your hobbies and likes. Get to know yourself again. Each time you do this, you regain a bit more power.

9) You feel trapped

Perhaps the most telling sign that you’re enabling a manipulator is if you feel trapped.

You might feel like you’re stuck in a cycle of manipulation with no way out.

This feeling often stems from the manipulator’s attempts to control and isolate you, making you believe that you can’t survive without them.

If this resonates with you, know that it’s not your fault and you’re not alone.

Many people have found themselves in similar situations.

And most importantly, there are ways to break free and regain control of your life.

Final thoughts

Understanding the dynamics of manipulation is deeply intertwined with our sense of self-awareness.

If you’ve recognized some of these signs in your own relationships, know that it’s a step towards breaking free from the cycle of manipulation.

Awareness is the first step towards change.

It’s okay to set boundaries, to say no, and to prioritize your own needs. You are not responsible for other people’s emotions or actions.

So, take this knowledge, use it as a tool for empowerment, and take back control over your life.

You have the strength within you to do so.