Narcissists are the dodgiest kinds of people.

They only care about themselves. And they’ll do everything they can to get what they want from you – destroying your self-esteem in the process!

Knowing whether you have a narcissist in your life is tricky. Most of them have learned how to blend into the crowd.

But there are always cracks.

When you’re dealing with a narcissist, there will be signs. According to psychology, the following 9 are the most common. So if you spot any of these, it’s time to run!

1) They don’t show any empathy

One of the most obvious signs that you’re dealing with a narcissist is if they lack empathy.

This isn’t a narcissist’s fault. Experts say they have different brains from other people, and their brains just aren’t capable of feeling love or empathy.

So you’ll rarely hear them say anything kind, caring, or supportive. Like if you were watching a movie where the dog dies, they’d rarely be the first to say, “How awful!” or shed a tear.

In the same way that if you told them you were struggling, they’d be more likely to say, “You just need to get over it” or “It’s not that big of a deal”.

Rather than say something genuinely nice.

Speaking of genuineness…

2) They lack genuineness

The older a narcissist gets, the smarter they become.

They know there’s something different about them and that they should care more than they do. So, what do they do? They fake it!

Which is why it isn’t always very easy to spot whether they lack empathy.

I knew a narcissist once (self-proclaimed). Even though he said nice things, there was always something a little off about him.

His actions never really matched his words, and, after some time, you could just tell he didn’t actually mean the things he was saying.

All his “supportive” and “kind” phrases were all the same, too. Like he had a book of things to say in response to certain things. And they just lacked a bit of substance.

If you feel this way about someone, it could signal that they’re actually a narcissist. They’re just trying to hide it…

3) They exploit people

In college, I remember a guy saying if he ever owned a business, he’d hire a bunch of interns and apprentices for almost every role. He’d also only hire young people as they had a lower minimum wage.

His reasoning was because he, “Could get the same work done for cheaper”.

This was exploitation at its finest! I’m not saying that guy was a narcissist, but this was a warning sign that he might’ve been.

When someone says or does things like this, they could definitely be a narcissist.

They don’t care about the impact of their actions – courtesy of their lack of empathy. So they’ll have no problem using others to get what they want!

4) They “love” themselves

And not in a healthy, self-care kind of way!

If you’ve read any self-help articles, you’d know that it’s important to love yourself if you want to have high self-esteem.

When you like who you are, you’re more likely to take care of your mind, body, and soul – and be genuinely happier for it!

But when someone is a narcissist, they won’t love themselves like this. Experts say that narcissists aren’t actually capable of loving themselves in this kind of way.

So instead, they’ll love themselves in a showboating kind of way. And in a way that makes them think they’re superior to anyone else around them.

Which is why another sign of a narcissist is…

5) They act like they’re better than you

It’s a common misconception that narcissists think highly of themselves. But experts say otherwise!

Like we mentioned in the point above, narcissists aren’t capable of loving themselves. They know they’re different and they despise it.

So to hide their self-loathing, they act like they’re better than everyone else. I.e., they’re arrogant as hell!

This will show in the things they do and say. And it’ll show in the way they make you feel! They might say things to put you down or make you feel small.

Like if you won at quiz night, they’d tell you how surprised they are since you aren’t as smart as them.

Or they might just go on and on and on about how great, successful, and intelligent they are compared to you!

6) They seek attention

If you haven’t already gathered from the previous points, narcissists lack self-esteem. They actually hate themselves.

Which is why there’s nothing that will anger a narcissist more than you ignoring them! Experts say it makes them feel attacked, powerless, and out of control.

Day to day, most people don’t intentionally ignore others. But to a narcissist, it’ll feel this way.

They won’t like it if the boss is paying someone else attention in the meeting instead of them. And they’ll despise it if their romantic partner cares for someone other than them!

So they’ll actively seek attention – sometimes being cruel and dismissive towards others to get it.

If they can get away with it, they’ll even take credit for things other people did – just to get the attention they crave!

7) They lie all the time

Because narcissists crave attention so badly, they also tend to be compulsive liars.

Lying is one of the main ways they can get the attention they feel they deserve. It’s also how they attempt to control other people.

So you’ll often catch them out in a lie!

Usually, they’ll only lie about things they feel embarrassed or ashamed about. Or things that make them look better than they are.

For example, if they don’t have a college degree and everyone else at work does, they’ll lie and say they do.

Sometimes their lies will be harmless. Like the above example. Sure, it’s fraudulent, but it isn’t particularly damaging to people and their feelings.

But sometimes, their lies will be much worse. Which leads us to how…

8) They gaslight people

Gaslighting is another common trick of a narcissist. But this behavior isn’t as easy to spot as the others on this list!

The sole purpose of gaslighting is to make you question reality. How? By lying.

Narcissists gaslight people for three main reasons.

Firstly, they do it to feel better about themselves. Secondly, they do it to control and manipulate others. And thirdly, they do it to get off the hook for their poor behavior!

Say you were out for dinner with them and a friend. You hear them say to your friend that someone at the bar is fat and ugly. Later that night, you tell them it wasn’t nice for them to say that.

Instead of apologizing or explaining why they said it, they’ll gaslight you.

They’ll tell you they never said that. They’ll tell you you’re making things up. That you’re imagining things. That you must’ve misheard them.

They’ll be so forceful about it that it’ll almost be convincing!

9) They give backhanded compliments

Not everyone who gives backhanded compliments is a narcissist. They might just be someone who lacks self-esteem, struggles with jealousy, or is just a bit toxic.

But still, it’s something a narcissist will definitely do! Why? It’s all part of making you feel small to make themselves feel better.

Narcissists get their validation and joy from putting other people down. It makes them feel powerful and accomplished.

So they’ll give you backhanded compliments – especially when you’re happy or in a good mood.

Say you got a promotion at work. They might say, “Congratulations, but I’m surprised they gave it to you since everyone else in your office has a degree and you don’t”.

Or if you’ve dressed up for dinner with friends. They might say, “You look nice when you actually make an effort”.

Final thoughts

Dealing with a narcissist is one of the worst things in life – especially if that person is a parent, partner, coworker, teacher, or boss.

When the narcissist in your life is someone you love, it’s even harder to spot their tricks and break away from them.

And when they’re your boss or someone you can’t help but be around (like a coworker or teacher), it’s almost impossible to cut them out!

Convincing yourself they are one is the hardest part. But once you know someone is a narcissist, it gets easier – I promise.

Once you’ve uncovered their secret, you can set better boundaries, keep your distance, and (if it’s possible) maybe even cut them out of your life altogether!

Just remember to stay strong and always look out for yourself when you think someone is a narcissist.

They don’t care about you as much as you care about them – and their mind games will make it so much harder for you to do what needs to be done.

But you can make it. And trust me, it’s so much better when you’re on the other side of it all!