9 signs you’re dealing with a deeply selfish person, according to psychology

Lucas Graham by Lucas Graham | October 18, 2024, 11:12 pm

Whenever you see someone constantly taking center stage with little regard for others, or acting out when they don’t get their way, you might label them as selfish.

However, there’s a difference between ordinary self-centeredness and deep-seated selfishness.

Deeply selfish individuals are oblivious to the needs and feelings of others, often disregarding them without a second thought.

Signs of deeply selfish behavior

There are several red flags that indicate a person might be deeply selfish.

While not an exhaustive list, these signs can give you an idea if you are dealing with someone who possesses this trait:

  • Constantly prioritizes their needs and wants over others’
  • Often disregards the feelings and opinions of others
  • Demonstrates little or no empathy
  • Shows a lack of consideration in both big decisions and everyday situations
  • Rarely shows gratitude or fails to acknowledge others’ efforts
  • Frequently manipulates others to get their way
  • Reacts negatively or angrily when they don’t get what they want
  • Rarely or never compromises
  • Shows little remorse or regret for their actions

Remember, someone displaying these behaviors does not automatically mean they are deeply selfish – but these are strong indicators you should not ignore.

Recognizing these signs of deep-seated selfishness can provide context to your interactions with such individuals.

Keep reading to learn more about these signs and how to handle situations involving deeply selfish individuals.

1) Prioritizing their self-interest

A key sign of a deeply selfish person is their persistent focus on their own interests and needs, often at the expense of others.

They prioritize their desires and often expect others to adjust or cater to their demands, showing little regard for how this might affect those around them.

2) Lack of empathy

An important psychological concept in understanding deeply selfish individuals is empathy, or rather, their lack of it.

Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others.

Deeply selfish people often struggle with this.

They may fail to recognize or understand the feelings, needs, and perspectives of others.

3) Unwillingness to share

Deeply selfish individuals often exhibit an unwillingness to share, whether it’s tangible items like possessions or intangible ones like time or attention.

They hoard resources for themselves, showing a clear disregard for the needs or wants of others.

4) Playing the victim

Surprisingly, deeply selfish individuals often portray themselves as victims.

Despite their self-centered behavior, they tend to twist situations to appear disadvantaged or wronged.

This manipulation allows them to justify their selfish actions and gain sympathy or attention.

5) Struggling/refusing to apologize

When a deeply selfish person hurts someone, they rarely offer a genuine apology.

Their inability to truly acknowledge their mistakes or the pain they’ve caused others stems from their self-centered perspective.

Instead of expressing remorse, they often deflect blame or make excuses, further highlighting their deep-seated selfishness.

6) Struggling with reciprocity

Deeply selfish individuals often struggle with the concept of reciprocity—the act of giving and taking in a relationship.

They may have a hard time recognizing that relationships require mutual effort and compromise.

This doesn’t necessarily make them ‘bad’ people; they might simply lack the understanding or capacity to engage in healthy, balanced interactions. 

7) Selective generosity

Many of us have observed this trait in a person we know: they can be generous, but only when it serves their own interests or makes them look good in public.

This selective generosity, where acts of kindness are performed for self-gain rather than genuine care for others, is another sign you might be dealing with a deeply selfish person.

8) A one-man show

Have you ever felt like a mere spectator in someone else’s one-man show?

A deeply selfish person often treats social interactions as their personal stage, dominating conversations and steering the spotlight towards themselves.

They tend to turn discussions into monologues about their interests, achievements, or problems, often leaving little room for others to share.

While it can sometimes make for entertaining storytelling, it’s also a sign of their deep-seated selfishness.

9) Resistance to change

A deeply selfish person often shows a strong resistance to change, especially when it comes to their behavior.

They may dismiss or ignore feedback, and they are typically unwilling to make adjustments for the sake of others.

This stubbornness can be frustrating, but remember, you can’t force someone to change if they don’t want to.

Your well-being matters

Above all, dealing with a deeply selfish person can be draining and emotionally challenging.

The most important thing to remember is that your feelings, needs, and well-being matter just as much as theirs.

Don’t let their selfish behavior overshadow your worth or disturb your peace.

It’s okay to prioritize your own mental health and step back from the relationship if necessary.

Dealing with a deeply selfish person: Reflections and steps forward

You can’t change a deeply selfish person; only they can choose to make that transformation.

You might think that by constantly meeting their demands or suppressing your needs, the situation will improve.

However, this often leads to a cycle where your needs and feelings are continuously overlooked.

The key lies in setting boundaries and standing up for your own needs.

It’s important to remember that everyone deserves respect and consideration. If someone consistently disregards these basic courtesies, it’s okay to distance yourself for your own emotional well-being.

Keep in mind that this article isn’t intended to label people as ‘deeply selfish,’ but rather to help you identify patterns of behavior that may be detrimental to your emotional health.

Just because someone displays one or several of these signs doesn’t make them a ‘bad’ person or irredeemable; it’s just an indicator of where they currently stand in their emotional development.

Remember, everyone deserves healthy relationships filled with mutual respect and consideration. Don’t settle for less.