Life is all about progress. Year after year, you’re settling more into who you are deep down while growing in emotional maturity and experience.

Unfortunately, some people didn’t get the memo.

At thirty, they’re almost exactly the same as when they were a decade younger. It’s as if nothing has changed in their world – all they’ve done is stay inside their comfort zone and repeat the same patterns day in and day out.

Which club are you part of? Progress or stagnation?

Let’s find out.

Here are the 7 signs you’re becoming a better quality human being.

1) You have begun to take charge of your life

“Why do these things always happen to me? I’m so unlucky! Ugh, life’s so unfair!”

When I lost my favorite coat and then accidentally spilt water all over my laptop a week ago, I could have easily followed this trail of thought.

And just five years ago, I probably would have. Back then, I still believed disastrous things simply happened to me out of nowhere.

I know better now. I lost the coat because I wasn’t paying attention. I ruined my laptop screen because I wasn’t being careful.

These observations don’t come from a place of guilt or self-blame, mind you. After all, I’m just an imperfect human. I make mistakes. I can be clumsy as hell. And I’m self-compassionate enough to forgive myself for that.

But taking responsibility for my actions motivates me to act differently in the future, ensuring that things like this happen less and less as time goes on.

In a way, taking accountability for your mistakes is incredibly empowering.

Psychotherapist F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W. agrees: “Taking legitimate responsibility can make you feel more competent, powerful, and in charge of yourself,” she says.

Thus the first sign you’re becoming a better quality human being: instead of embracing a victim mindset, you are willing to acknowledge your mistakes and change your behavior.

2) You are actively getting to know yourself better

According to psychology, emotional intelligence encompasses five vital aspects:

• Social skills
• Motivation
• Empathy
• Self-regulation
• Self-awareness

This section is all about the last one. In order to continually grow as a person and progress on your self-development journey, it’s absolutely crucial that you are highly self-aware.

But that’s easier said than done. In fact, plenty of people think they know themselves extremely well only to realize they are in denial about a lot of their character traits and are quite deluded when it comes to their integrity (e.g., their actions don’t match their words).

This is why it’s important to actively get to know yourself, for example by:

• Journaling about your worries, fears, and past experiences
• Reading self-improvement books with practical exercises
• Giving therapy a try
• Opening yourself up to new experiences that help you learn more about yourself (e.g., solo travel, new skills & hobbies, facing your fears)

If you’re doing at least some of that…

Congratulations! It’s another sign you’re growing into a better version of yourself.

3) You are prioritizing high-quality relationships

Studies show that the secret ingredient to happiness isn’t how much money you have or what kind of job you do. It’s the quality of your closest relationships that makes the most difference.

What’s more, it is often people who are genuinely happy who then proceed to treat others with kindness. Their great mood is contagious, and they’re more likely to spread good vibes everywhere they go.

Therefore, it stands to reason that prioritizing your relationships and ensuring they thrive doesn’t only make you happier – it also turns you into a better quality human being.

If you schedule regular meetups with your friends, remember your closest ones’ birthdays, take accountability for your mistakes, know how to apologize, and try your best to be an amazing friend, partner, or family member…

Yep, it means you’re going in the right direction.

4) You are setting new boundaries

You might think that establishing new boundaries means you’re letting people down, especially if you’ve spent your whole life being a huge people-pleaser.

(Welcome to the club.)

The truth is, though, that learning to set boundaries is a vital part of growing into an assertive and kind individual who is able to be fully present and loving toward others.

As Leah Aguirre LCSW says, “Boundaries are important for protecting mental health and overall well-being.” She highlights that it’s crucial not to over-explain yourself and to reinforce your boundaries if necessary.

The art of establishing boundaries lies in confidence and assertiveness.

The result?

You will be able to get enough time to yourself, invest in self-care, lead your life in a way that is most beneficial to you, and give your closest ones the best version of yourself, devoid of resentment and bitterness.

When you think about it, it’s a win-win situation.

5) You are regularly going outside your comfort zone

Too many people are stuck in their comfort bubble, refusing to burst through it.

And I get it. As someone who’s been actively combatting my fears for years, I know just how terrifying and uncomfortable it is to purposely place yourself in situations that scare the hell out of you.

But I also know just how incredible it is to face challenges like this and come out the other side as a better and more experienced version of yourself.

Plus, there are plenty of other benefits that stepping outside your comfort zone brings.

For example, Ran D. Anbar M.D. writes that “engaging in unusual situations increases one’s capacity to learn and adapt to unforeseen circumstances. Individuals more likely to step outside of their comfort zone show higher self-efficacy and lower anxiety.”

The more you challenge yourself to get out there and grow, the more self-sufficient, self-compassionate, self-aware, and self-assured you’ll be.

And guess what all these four factors contribute to?

Yes, that’s right. Emotional intelligence, aka, the secret of becoming a better-quality human being.

6) You are learning to embrace uncertainty

If there’s something you can always rely on, it’s that you can’t rely on anything.

In other words, everything is impermanent. The status quo doesn’t last forever. Sooner or later, there comes a catalyst that forces you to enter another chapter of your life – whether you like it or not.

Some people don’t take well to that. They stress themselves out on a regular basis; they overplan and overprepare; they try to control every single aspect of their life for fear that everything will fall apart.

Unfortunately, this kind of approach only makes everything more difficult. Not only does it worsen their mental health but it may also deteriorate their relationships, resulting in situations they’ve tried so hard to prevent in the first place.

Thus the irony of self-fulfilling prophecies.

If you are learning to embrace uncertainty no matter how difficult it is, you’re immediately improving your chances of happiness.

You simply never know what’s coming, so you might just as well make your peace with it. Planning is great, sure – but pivoting when something doesn’t work out is just as crucial.

7) You practice self-compassion and self-care

Finally, the most important sign of all: self-love.

Look, you knew it was coming. You simply can’t become a better quality human being if you don’t love yourself. It’s the main ingredient in the cocktail of emotional maturity.

And no, we’re not talking about narcissism here. We’re talking about a genuine desire to be your best friend, look after yourself in ways that make you feel loved, make time for yourself on a regular basis, and forgive yourself after having made a mistake.

Psychologists agree with me. 

Sharon Martin, DSW, LCSW, for instance, says that “people who genuinely love themselves recognize their flaws, acknowledge their mistakes, and accept and care for themselves despite their imperfections. Self-love does not hinder caring for others; it merely allows individuals to extend the same kindness to themselves.”

Self-love isn’t selfish. It’s actually the most selfless thing you could ever do because it allows you to recharge, set healthy boundaries, treat yourself with the same compassion you offer others, and therefore show up as a happy and authentic version of yourself in your relationships.

The way you love yourself determines the kind of love you are able to show the world.

It all starts with you.