As people, it’s crucial that we feel heard, understood, and valued.

Good communication is key in fostering these feelings in our relationships and interactions.

Contrary to these positive experiences, poor communication can often lead to confusion, misunderstanding, and even conflict.

Being a good communicator means more than just speaking well or having a large vocabulary. 

There are a few key traits that set superior communicators apart from the rest of the crowd.

These traits, according to psychology, are not necessarily intrinsic but can be developed over time.

In this article, I’ll walk you through these traits, helping you determine whether you’re a cut above the average communicator.

1) You listen more than you speak

Good communicators understand that communication is a two-way street. It’s not just how well you express your thoughts, but also how well you listen to what others have to say.

If you find yourself really understanding and absorbing what others are saying before responding, rather than just waiting for your turn to speak, you’re likely a better communicator than most.

You understand that each person you interact with has a unique perspective and valuable insights to share.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that people often come to you when they want to be heard or understood. This could be because they feel valued and respected when they communicate with you.

They know that their words won’t fall on deaf ears, but will be carefully heard and considered.

This is a clear sign that you’re an exceptional communicator.

By actively listening, you’re not only showing respect for their viewpoint but also expanding your own understanding and knowledge.

2) You’re aware of non-verbal cues

Excellent communicators don’t just hear words; they understand the whole picture.

This includes paying attention to non-verbal cues that often speak louder than words themselves.

Body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, and even pauses can convey a lot of information about what a person is really thinking or feeling.

Being able to read between the lines and understand the unspoken elements of communication makes you an exceptional communicator.

It shows your intuitive understanding of human emotions and behaviours, allowing you to communicate more effectively and empathetically with others.

3) You’re comfortable with silence

A common misconception in communication is that silence is awkward or signifies a lack of communication.

However, if you find yourself comfortable with periods of silence in conversations, this signifies superior communication skills.

Silence provides a space for reflection and thought. It allows the person you’re communicating with to process what’s been said and formulate their thoughts before responding.

By not rushing to fill every pause in a conversation, you show respect for the other person’s thought process. You give them the opportunity to fully express themselves without feeling pressured or rushed.

Being comfortable with silence also shows that you’re confident in your communication abilities.

You don’t feel the need to dominate the conversation or fill every moment with words. Instead, you recognize that effective communication often involves more listening and understanding than speaking.

4) You admit when you’re wrong

Let’s be honest, nobody is perfect.

We all make mistakes, misunderstand things, and sometimes we just get it wrong.

What sets excellent communicators apart is their ability to admit these mistakes openly.

If you find yourself able to say “I was wrong” or “I misunderstood,” without your ego getting in the way, then you’re definitely a cut above the average communicator.

Admitting when you’re wrong shows humility and respect for truth over personal pride. It builds trust with the person you’re communicating with and shows that you value the conversation more than being right.

It’s not always easy to admit when we’re wrong, but doing so can open up conversations, resolve conflicts, and build stronger relationships.

This raw honesty is a clear sign of superior communication skills.

5) You validate others’ feelings

We’ve all been in situations where we’ve felt misunderstood or dismissed. It’s not a pleasant feeling.

If you find yourself taking the time to acknowledge and validate the feelings of others during a conversation, you’re demonstrating excellent communication skills.

Validating doesn’t mean you have to agree with the other person’s perspective. Rather, it’s acknowledging their feelings and experiences as valid and important.

This could be as simple as saying, “I can see why you would feel that way,” or “That sounds really tough.”

These kinds of empathetic responses show that you’re not just hearing what they’re saying; you’re also understanding and respecting their feelings.

6) You adjust your communication style

We all know that different situations call for different communication styles.

A serious business meeting won’t have the same tone as a casual chat with friends.

If you find yourself effortlessly adjusting your style of communication to fit the situation or the person you’re speaking with, you’re demonstrating strong communication skills.

Maybe you use more formal language in a professional setting, and then switch to a more relaxed, informal tone when you’re with friends.

Or perhaps you notice when someone isn’t quite understanding what you’re saying, so you rephrase it in a way that makes more sense to them.

This ability to “code switch,” or adjust your communication style, shows that you’re not just thinking about what you’re saying, but also how it’s being perceived.

It’s a relatable struggle we all face—trying to make ourselves understood while also respecting the other person’s context and viewpoint.

But if you’re doing this well, it’s a sure sign that your communication skills are above average.

7) You use humor effectively

Who doesn’t enjoy a good laugh?

If you’re someone who can weave humor into your conversations in a way that’s appropriate and engaging, then you’re certainly a stellar communicator.

Humor can be a powerful tool in communication. It can break down barriers, lighten the mood, and make conversations more enjoyable. Importantly, it can also make you more likable and memorable.

But using humor effectively isn’t just cracking jokes. It’s understanding timing, context, and the other person’s sense of humor.

So, if you find that people often laugh and smile during conversations with you (in a good way!) take it as a compliment.

It shows that you’re not just communicating effectively but also making the process enjoyable for everyone involved.

And that’s a sure sign of great communication skills!

8) You’re not afraid to have difficult conversations

Let’s face it, not all conversations are easy. Some topics are tough to tackle and can lead to uncomfortable moments.

However, if you’re someone who doesn’t shy away from these difficult conversations, you’re exhibiting strong communication skills.

Whether it’s addressing a problem in a relationship, giving constructive criticism at work, or discussing sensitive issues, these conversations require honesty, tact, and courage.

They’re not easy, but they’re necessary for growth and resolution.

9) You practice empathy

If there’s one thing to remember about being an excellent communicator, it’s this: empathy is key.

If you’re someone who can put yourself in another person’s shoes and see things from their perspective, then you’re a top-notch communicator.

Empathy allows you to understand not just what the other person is saying but also why they’re saying it. It helps you to respond in a way that acknowledges their feelings and shows that you care.

This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say. But by practicing empathy, you’re showing respect for their thoughts and feelings, which can lead to more open and honest communication.

Final reflections

If you find yourself resonating with most of these signs, you’re demonstrating superior communication skills that not only make your interactions more meaningful but also contribute to healthier relationships and a more harmonious environment.

However, remember that nobody is perfect. We all have areas where we can improve.

Even if you’re already a good communicator, there’s always room for growth and refinement in this lifelong journey of interpersonal connection.

As we close, I’d like to leave you with this quote from renowned psychologist Carl Rogers:

“Real communication occurs…when we listen with understanding. What does this mean? It means to see the expressed idea and attitude from the other person’s point of view, to sense how it feels to him, to achieve his frame of reference in regard to the thing he is talking about.”