Are you just going through a sticky patch, or is your relationship toxic?

If you’ve been wondering about this lately, you’re in the right place.

You don’t have to be a vulnerable person to end up in an unhealthy relationship. Nor does your partner have to cheat or betray you for the relationship to be toxic.

Relationships are incredibly complex, and sometimes, despite our best intentions, we find ourselves in emotionally draining partnerships.

So, what exactly differentiates an emotionally unhealthy relationship from one that has its difficulties?

Well, according to psychology, the following nine signs suggest your relationship may be severely harming your mental and emotional health.

1) You spend all your time together

This is one of the earliest indicators of an emotionally unhealthy relationship, yet it is one most people overlook. 

Why?

Because spending lots of time together is a good sign that your relationship is going well.

But there is a fine line between lots of time and ALL your time, and the latter is unhealthy.

Spending every waking hour with your partner risks losing touch with your individuality and identity.

It can also create a lack of boundaries, leading to feelings of suffocation and resentment.

Excessive time together can also signify dependency issues, usually the one who initiates time together. 

According to behavioral analyst Wendy L. Patrick, a healthy relationship is one where both partners enjoy space to express their individuality AND time together.

Another sign of an unhealthy relationship, closely linked to excessive time together, is this…

2) You’ve stopped pursuing hobbies

When a relationship becomes all-consuming, you prioritize your partner’s needs over your own. 

A typical example is giving up your hobbies in favor of your partners. 

If you’re the one giving up your hobbies, this strongly suggests there are some dependency issues. 

In an attempt to spend more time with your partner, you may stop doing the things you enjoy and instead take up your partner’s interests – even if you have no interest in them yourself.

Neglecting your needs and interests can lead to a loss of identity and fulfillment outside the relationship, contributing to emotional imbalance.

If this is happening in your relationship, you may also notice the following…

3) You feel like the relationship is one-sided

Some people in unhealthy relationships choose to put their partner’s needs first out of insecurity.

They believe if they are not constantly making their partner happy, their partner will leave them.

But as they attempt to meet their partner’s every need, they neglect themselves.

The problem is that the partner does not return the favor, leading to a one-sided relationship.

Eventually, you’ll start to feel emotionally deprived and drained, causing feelings of resentment and frustration.

But sometimes, unmet needs result from a partner with unrealistic expectations. 

For example, your partner may constantly ask more and more from you but give nothing in return.

This shows a total lack of respect, mutual care, and empathy on your partner’s side. Healthy relationships thrive on reciprocity and mutual investment.

4) You’re constantly worried your partner will leave you

Persistent worries about your partner leaving you can signify deep-seated insecurities and attachment issues. 

According to psychologist Annie Tanasugarn, fear of abandonment usually stems from childhood, whether it was traumatic past experiences or unresolved emotional wounds. 

She says that fear of abandonment is usually a sign of the anxious-ambivalent attachment style.

People with this attachment style want to be close to others but worry people don’t want to be with them.

This results in clingy tendencies, such as always wanting to be with their partner and difficulty being alone.

Insecure attachment issues can significantly impact the dynamics of the relationship, creating a sense of insecurity and instability.

Anxious attachment also links to the following…

5) There is no trust

Various research studies confirm that trust forms the foundation of any healthy relationship. 

So, when trust is absent or constantly undermined by dishonesty, betrayal, or lack of transparency, it creates a toxic environment filled with suspicion and insecurity.

If you don’t trust your partner, you’ll constantly worry that they are lying to you or hiding something.

If your partner doesn’t trust you, they will likely:

• Regularly accuse you of things
• Want to know where you are at all times
• Ask who you are texting or try to snoop through your phone

When there is a lack of trust in a relationship, it is challenging to foster intimacy and connection.

Research has also found that an absence of trust causes frequent arguments and conflict. 

This makes the relationship feel constantly up and down, which brings me to the next sign…

6) The relationship feels like an emotional rollercoaster 

Relationships that are full of unpredictable highs and lows resemble emotional rollercoasters. 

You will feel on top of the world when things are going well. But every time there is conflict, you get emotionally drained and depleted. 

Frequent ups and downs always indicate underlying issues. This could be:

• Unresolved conflicts
• Communication breakdowns
• Emotional instability within the partnership

While occasional fluctuations and conflict are normal, your relationship should feel calm, safe, and secure overall.

If it feels more like a warzone than a peaceful sanctuary, this is a HUGE red flag that your relationship is toxic and it’s time to get out.

Staying in a toxic relationship like this can lower your self-esteem, self-respect, and self-worth.

7) You feel on edge around your partner

If your relationship is an emotional rollercoaster, you may feel constantly on edge around your partner.

This is because the relationship is unstable. Things could be going well, but any little thing could instantly change it.

For example, in highly toxic relationships, saying the wrong thing can cause a huge argument.

This results in a heightened state of vigilance where you feel emotionally (and sometimes physically) unsafe.

This gradually erodes trust and intimacy and can severely impact your mental health.

If your partner is highly volatile, they may become verbally or emotionally abusive. 

If you notice your partner regularly blames, criticizes, guilt-trips, or humiliates you, this is a relationship you need to leave RIGHT NOW.

8) You keep telling yourself things will change

Often, even if we feel things in our relationship are not quite right, we hang on, hoping things will change.

While hoping for positive transformations is natural, holding onto the belief that things will magically improve without tangible efforts or changes is unhealthy.

Therefore, it’s crucial to distinguish between wishful thinking and realistic expectations based on observable actions and behaviors.

If you’ve been telling yourself that things will improve for months, but they haven’t, this could suggest it’s time to call it quits.

Moreover, if your partner has told you multiple times that they will change or do better, but they haven’t, I hate to break it to you, but they likely never will.

9) Your friends or family are concerned 

Finally, sometimes, we can be blind to the signs of an emotionally unhealthy relationship.

This may be the case if your partner is manipulative, making you think the relationship issues are due to you.

However…

The people closest to us have a clear perspective.

Our loved ones can offer valuable insights into our relationships. 

External observations can provide valuable clarity and help identify patterns or issues that we can overlook from within the relationship.

So, if your friends or family keep expressing concerns about the dynamics or behavior within your partnership, this is a sign your relationship may not be healthy.

Final words of advice

Recognizing the signs of an emotionally unhealthy relationship is the first step towards initiating positive change and prioritizing your well-being. 

I encourage you to seek support if you notice any of the signs detailed above. Talking with someone you trust can help you understand and navigate your feelings better.

While leaving an unhealthy relationship is never easy, it is crucial. The more you prioritize your well-being, the healthier and more fulfilling connections built on mutual respect you’ll foster. 

Remember, your emotional health is non-negotiable, and you deserve a relationship that nourishes and uplifts your spirit!