When you’re in a relationship, it’s usually possible to have a strong intuitive feeling when something isn’t right. 

In many cases, there’s just a rough patch that you or your partner is going through. 

But sometimes it’s more:

Your partner has feelings for another person and is falling out of love with you.

How can you know?

Psychologists point to a number of warning signs. Let’s take a look. 

1) They’re less physically affectionate

Hugging, sex, and intimacy are less and less frequent. 

They go for a peck on the cheek now, whereas they used to give you a real kiss. 

You may find yourself trying to brush it off or come up with various explanations for why this is happening, but deep down you have a feeling they may be into someone else. 

This points to the intuitive ability of someone in a serious relationship to sense a change of state in their partner. 

“People who are highly committed to their romantic partners are not only deliberately, but also automatically inattentive to desirable alternative partners,” points out social psychologist Theresa E. DiDonato, PhD. 

2) They’re increasingly secretive

You find that your partner is more and more secretive about areas of their life that they used to open up about. 

This includes what they do with their free time when they’re not around you, their evolving likes and dislikes, and what they’re thinking about or feeling. 

It’s like a closed door where there used to be a nice open portico.

They just don’t open up anywhere near as much as they used to, and one moment it hits you:

“My partner has become a different person. What’s going on?”

3) They emotionally distance themselves 

The next key symptom to look out for is emotional distancing. 

Your partner is no longer affectionate with you and seems withdrawn, even cold. 

“Emotional distancing can be subtle but telling,” explains psychology writer Vin Serai.  

“If those cozy nights of shared shows and movies are replaced with solo sessions, it may indicate a lack of interest or connection.”

How can you tell if this has crossed the bridge into them being actively interested in somebody else? Watch out for the upcoming signs as well…

4) They seem to be overcompensating for something

This is the flip side of emotional withdrawal, although it often goes hand-in-hand. 

Your partner seems like they are overcompensating toward you for something you’re not aware of.

They’re:

• Extra-friendly
• Extremely affectionate
• Overly talkative about nothing
• Performatively kind and helpful

You start to wonder if they found out you have a terminal illness or something. 

It’s more likely they are trying to allay their guilt and doubt about the relationship due to being interested in somebody new.

5) They get overly defensive about mundane questions and subjects

If and when simple subjects come up like where they were last night or why they suddenly love a new hobby or author, they become oddly defensive. 

It’s no big deal, really, and as a single issue, it doesn’t necessarily mean that much. 

But when you put the pieces together in this article you begin to notice a pattern and these kinds of strangely defensive behaviors become more suspicious.

The problem is that if you’re only “waiting for a glaring red flag, you may be missing some smaller yellow flags along the way,” as psychologist Mariel Mangold, LCSW, points out.

That’s why noticing a pattern of your partner becoming more defensive and odd about normal, everyday things is a definite red flag.

What are they trying to hide? Why are they acting so guilty? 

6) They have dramatic and unexpected mood swings 

This ties into the previous point about being overly defensive:

When your partner has feelings for somebody else they will often have unpredictable mood swings that seem related to something going on in their personal life. 

But you know for a fact that it’s not something involving you. 

So it’s clear something has changed on their end:

And it’s worth asking honestly whether that change might be in the form of another person they’re romantically or sexually interested in (or both).

7) They mention a new friend but emphasize that they’re only a friend

There’s a new friend in town, or so you’re informed. 

The weird thing is that your partner makes a real point of emphasizing that this person is “just a friend.”

They are protesting too much, and this is often internalized guilt. 

“If your partner frequently talks about this person, seems overly excited about their interactions, or spends significant time with them, it might be more than a simple friendship,” points out Serai.

This is a solid point that is often hard to accept:

Your partner has met someone new who means the world to them and they are trying to communicate that to you (albeit in a very indirect way).

8) There’s a noticeable and unusual change in their social media habits

Their social media behavior and habits begin to change. 

They start using social media much more than they used to, or much less. 

“Altered behavior might indicate concealed interactions or relationships that they prefer to keep hidden from you,” points out Serai.

This is something that can often fly past the radar, but it’s key to pay attention to:

Why are they suddenly glued to WhatsApp 24/7?

Why has their notification sound gone from a ping to no sound at all or a vibration?

9) They give a lot more care and attention to their appearance and grooming

Your partner seems to have taken a renewed interest in their appearance and grooming. 

Their hygiene has undergone a noticeable upgrade, and they’re decked out in new styles, glasses, and outfits. 

What’s the big occasion? 

Everybody’s allowed to try out new styles and care for their appearance, it’s a wonderful part of life!

But if this seems quite over-the-top and it’s not being done for your benefit, it’s likely being done for somebody else’s.

10) They frequently criticize you and compare you to someone else

This is a form of fight-picking that is often used by a partner who’s cheating or wants to cheat. 

They don’t seem to like being around you and become hyper-critical and start basically picking fights with you. 

“If your partner is falling for someone else, spending time with you may start to feel like a chore,” notes mental health writer Kristine Fellizar. 

“Because of that, they may lose their patience and get frustrated with you more easily or get mad for the smallest things.”

It can seem strange and inexplicable why suddenly everything you do is so objectionable to them. In many cases, they are looking for an excuse to jump ship and also projecting their guilt onto you in the form of irritability and nagging. 

11) They avoid making future plans with you 

The future can certainly be intimidating, but sooner or later it’s going to arrive for everyone who’s alive. 

So why is your partner so avoidant of the topic?

When they’re interested in someone else, discussing the future with you isn’t their priority. 

When there are issues with the relationship as a whole, the same thing is true. 

Often both may be true. This leads to a final point… 

Something to keep in mind

There are three basic situations when it comes to a partner having feelings for somebody else:

a) They were in love with you and committed but are genuinely falling in love with somebody else. This isn’t due to any issue in your relationship and is an organic, unexpected occurrence.

b) They are still in love with you and used to be committed, but problems and issues in your relationship have caused them to seek comfort and connection elsewhere.

c) They’re still in love with you and also in love with the new person and not sure what to do about it. 

“Feelings for another can be a warning sign of trouble in your existing relationship,” notes the Anchor Light Therapy Collective. 

“Deficits in your relationship can make someone seem more attractive than they really are.”

The key is to determine which situation is going on in your relationship and respond appropriately. 

If it’s the first scenario, the relationship may simply have reached its expiry date. 

If it’s the second or third scenario, then a conscious effort to rebuild what you once had and reestablish intimacy and trust is the advisable course of action.