It’s a very deep fear for many of us:

We get into a relationship with somebody we love only to discover that they’re cheating, or want to cheat. 

So what are the warning signs? 

Psychology points the way to many indications that a partner is not a very faithful person and is either cheating on you or wants to do so. 

Paranoia is not the answer, and accusations should be carefully thought over before being launched. But awareness of some of the warning signs that your partner isn’t faithful are crucial to take a look at for your own protection. 

Let’s take a look… 

1) Unpredictable shifts in communication patterns

If he or she used to be much more communicative and now barely talks to you, this is a common sign that they’re not that faithful.

Alternately, if they seem to have become overly talkative when they used to barely ever say much it should also raise red flags. 

Partners who are untrustworthy tend to display quite erratic behavior.

Their mood swings are prodigious and odd. One day they’re all over you, the next they’re sulking and withdrawn. 

You can’t be blamed for asking why. 

2) They often change their grooming habits and appearance

Another warning sign that your partner is cheating or wants to is that they start changing their appearance quite a bit or becoming more interested in how they look. 

Whereas they used to just “coast” on a certain basic style or usual way of having their hair and appearance, now they’re fine-tuning it. 

The benefit of these changes doesn’t seem to be to impress you and they barely seem to care about what you think. 

The question therefore arises naturally:

Who are they doing it for? 

As psychologist Gail Gross, PhD. notes, “sudden interest in their appearance—losing weight, working out at a gym, buying new clothes” can all be classic signs of cheating or intending to cheat. 

3) Secretive habits with technology 

There’s a lot of truth to the cliche of an untrustworthy man or woman hiding their phone when their partner is around. 

Let’s face it:

These days many of us practically live on our smartphones. They represent the good, the bad and the ugly of who we are and who we interact with in many ways. 

When a partner isn’t that trustworthy they tend to turn away from you or angle the screen away when you’re near to their phone. 

Are they sexting? Maybe.

Or they could just be pursuing a texting relationship and deep friendship with somebody they don’t feel comfortable talking about with you.

Which leads me to the next point about emotional cheating. 

4) They’re emotionally distant and don’t open up

When your partner tends to verge into becoming emotionally distant and not opening up, it’s bound to lead to alarm bells. 

And it should.

This can often be a sign of cheating, as well as a sign that they are diverting their affection and intimate energies elsewhere. 

In some cases, your partner may not be having sex with anybody else, but instead they may be engaging in emotional cheating.

As psychologist Mark Travers, PhD. explains: 

“It can hurt as much as sexual infidelity. The resulting feelings of betrayal, jealousy, and insecurity are just as real. Emotional cheating has the potential to destroy relationships.” 

5) They rack up unexplained expenses and are financially secretive

In addition to smartphone secrecy, a man or woman who hides their finances around their partner should raise red flags.

Many affairs have been discovered in exactly this way:

Unexplained charges on a credit card statement, or odd financial expenses and lack of funds that should be there. 

Is it a gambling or drug habit? Perhaps. 

But if they’ve also been becoming much more emotionally distant, it’s worth considering that it may be a sign of an affair or an interest in having an affair. 

6) They’re busy at random times and often away for unexplained reasons

When a partner is not very faithful, they will often be busy and away at the times you least expect it. 

Their excuses and reasons tend to be quite unconvincing as well. 

It feels like they’re just going through the motions and being extremely vague:

They have “a lot of work,” or they “need to do a thing to help out at their dad’s place this weekend.”

When you ask for details they act like it’s unimportant or the details slipped their mind “oh, just a thing with, like, an issue at the house.”

Right…

Could it be any more vague? 

“Extra time spent away from home—late nights at the office, work on the weekends, trips away from home without you,” are all potential signs of infidelity and untrustworthiness explains Gross. 

7) Their interest in intimacy and sex has decreased a lot 

Everybody has a different libido, and declining interest in sex is not necessarily odd or a warning sign. 

Attraction and physical desire tends to wax and wane. 

But if your partner has noticeably stopped wanting you and even rarely goes in for a kiss anymore, it should raise some alarm bells. 

It’s a sign that he or she is less than entirely committed and invested in the relationship. 

“Fluctuations in the frequency of sex over time in a relationship is not uncommon. In fact, it’s normal,” points out Travers.  

“However, too little interest in sexual activity can be a sign of infidelity in romantic relationships.”

8) They tell inconsistent stories whose version changes 

Another red flag in a partner is when their stories keep changing. 

Even small anecdotes and versions of what they’re talking about keep shifting in subtle but very real ways. 

They describe a special memory in the past with their best friend but then it becomes with an ex-girlfriend. 

Next week they’re saying it was actually with a “kind of girlfriend.”

Next thing you know it turns out this “kind of” ex is somebody they still spend time with (and still sleep with!) Oops.

This points to the necessity to be a bit careful in jumping right into a relationship, and instead to get to know somebody bit by bit so they don’t blindside you later. 

It’s “best to get to know a partner slowly and carefully at the beginning of a relationship, in order to separate chemistry from character, authentic adoration from manipulation, and see red flags sooner rather than later” notes prosecutor and psychology writer Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., PhD. 

9) They accuse you of cheating or pick fights with you 

Another warning sign of an untrustworthy partner is one who lacks self-awareness and engages in accusatory behavior and projection. 

In many cases, a cheating partner or a partner who doesn’t want to still be with you will try to repress that or avoid a difficult conversation:

But they feel guilty and weird. 

So they displace that guilty and uncomfortable feeling into picking fights with you and starting disagreements that are completely unnecessary. 

In reality, it’s them being guilty for being interested in somebody else or cheating on you. 

But if you don’t have rock-solid self-esteem it can unfortunately be easy to believe you really have done something wrong or let them down in some way. 

10) They become defensive or hostile about mundane topics

Among the most corrosive and low-key pervasive signs that your partner isn’t trustworthy is that they are very evasive and defensive about mundane topics. 

Wanting privacy is one thing. 

But in this case they take it to the next level of becoming defensive and weird if you even ask what cafe they went to earlier or why they’re busy this weekend. 

It’s as if you’re asking the combination to a bank vault. They’re the opposite of forthcoming. 

As Patrick points out:

“To counter the strategy of checking their location, guilty partners would avoid mentioning the names of places they were going (such as a café) to make it difficult to check up on them.”