I’ve been burned in the past by relationships that were plenty of fun but lacked follow-through.

The commitment just wasn’t there and any hopes that it would magically appear one day were in vain.

When it comes to relationships, commitment is a crucial ingredient that determines the success and longevity of the bond between two people.

It’s this that allows us to navigate the ups and downs that naturally come along the way.

It gives us the staying power to avoid temptation and also devote ourselves to nurturing our relationship.

So how do you know when you’re with a ride or die partner or more of a fair weathered friend?

Psychologists have identified several signs that are more likely to indicate a high level of commitment from someone.

These can help you gauge the strength of your relationship and understand the depth of your partner’s feelings towards you.

1) They felt ready for a relationship when you got together

How many of us have tried (and failed) to make someone who is emotionally unavailable commit?

I know I have on way too many occasions.

Rather frustratingly, someone who pulls away can make themselves even more alluring for doing so.

Whilst we may want what we feel like we can’t have, it’s a dangerous game to play when you are looking for a long-term relationship.

When someone says they’re not looking for anything serious right now, we should believe them.

That’s because research has confirmed that so-called relationship readiness is a big predictor of whether the connection will be a successful one or not.

According to Chris Agnew, Professor of Psychological Sciences and Vice President for Research at Purdue University “When a person feels more ready, this tends to amplify the effect of psychological commitment on relationship maintenance and stability.”

In short, we cannot rely on the strength of feelings alone we also have to want to commit. Otherwise, we won’t put the work in. 

If your partner was open and willing for commitment before they came to the relationship, they are more likely to devote themselves to you.

2) They make their intentions clear

 Playing hard to get goes out of the window when you are in a committed relationship.

That’s not to say we should come on too strong, that often comes across as clingy or desperate.

But a committed partner is clear about how they feel and what they want from you. That means no game playing.

This all comes down to consistent and open communication.

It looks like:

• Regularly checking in with you
• Engaging in meaningful conversations
• Being proactive
• Expressing their thoughts and feelings openly about the relationship
• Taking a sustained interest in your life

This interest is how we show our partner our good intentions towards them.

It says I want to be part of your world and I’m willing to put in the effort. As a natural consequence, it also leads to the next thing on our list.

3) They spend a lot of time with you

When we can’t get enough of someone, we make them a priority.

We actively seek out quality time with them, which can come at the sacrifice of other things.

We certainly don’t struggle to squeeze them in. That’s a sign of lukewarm feelings.

According to a 2023 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships making time investments in daily life predicts someone’s future commitment in to a relationship. 

Researchers concluded that greater interdependence between couples was a positive sign of their investment in one another.

“We draw attention to the value of how much time out of their day individuals choose to spend co-present with their romantic partner as a behavioral outcome of commitment. A couple may have been together for many months (duration) but only choose to see one another for a few hours each week (time spent co-present,).”

The more they integrate you into their every day life, the better. 

4) They put themselves out for you

Making sacrifices for the greater good of the relationship is always a good sign.

According to research some types of sacrificial behavior are reliable indicators of commitment.

It doesn’t always have to be through drastic actions though. In fact, as research professor Scott Sanly points out in Psychology Today, it’s often the little things.

“I really mean small, day-to-day indicators that a person is willing to put their partner or relationship first. And I mean mutual sacrifice: A healthy relationship includes two givers, who each give to each other and the relationship in small ways that matter.

“If you are seeing someone and considering a future together, ask yourself if you see evidence that they can put aside what they want at times for what is best for you.”

That’s the crux of it. It’s whether they are prepared to be flexible and compromise, sacrificing their own comfort of convenience for your sake.

5) They’re supportive in a variety of ways

You can tell your partner is committed when they become both a cheerleader and crutch to lean on in your life.

We’re often reminded that real love isn’t selfish, it’s about trying to please the other person.

So they want to show up for you and support you.

• They try to meet your needs
• They want to stand by you during tough times
• They listen to you
• They encourage your goals and aspirations
• They celebrate your successes and achievements
• They choose to work through conflict and arguments

Being supportive is the way we show our commitment to someone.

When counselor and certified Gottman therapist Mary Beth Geroge was struck by illness she says her husband made her feel loved and cared for.

“He rubbed my back when I was scared. He drove me to the emergency room in the middle of the night on countless occasions. When I had to change my diet, he joined me. He developed a patience with me that had not been there before. He was less quick to argue over small stuff and he started leaving love notes for me.”

These small devotions a partner offers you speak volumes.

6) They want to plan for the future together

That same 2023 study we mentioned earlier also found that highly committed partners will make their intention to build a future with you abundantly clear.

This offers reassurances that they intend on sticking around.

They’re confident in making plans for both the near and distant future.

That can be in practical ways, like booking vacations or getting tickets to events. But it’s also in symbolic ways such as discussing where you will both be in several years time under the assumption wherever it is, you’ll be together.

Whether it’s talks of marriage and children or discussing shared goals and aspirations, it lets you know you are an important part of how they envisage their future.

As researchers Stanley and Markman point out, commitment reflects the intention to keep on working on the relationship as you grow together.

“It is evidenced by a desire (and associated behaviors) not only to continue in the relationship, but also to improve it, to sacrifice for it, to invest in it, to link personal goals to it, and to seek the partner’s welfare, not simply one’s own.”

7) They’re not just focused on physical intimacy, they want emotional intimacy too

 On the one hand, a strong sexual attraction is a sign of love. The tricky part is that it certainly doesn’t guarantee commitment.

The physical side of romance can also be just an indication of lust, and that may well fade.

That’s why when it comes to intimacy, emotional is just as important as physical.

That means:

• Sharing deep emotions and vulnerabilities
• Being empathetic and understanding towards your feelings
• Building a strong emotional connection

As The Chelsea Psychology Clinic reminds us:

“Emotional intimacy is the foundation of all healthy relationships. It’s the sense of closeness and connection you feel with another person. The feeling of being truly seen, heard and appreciated by your partner. In turn, this helps create trust and security in a relationship.”

8) They overlook your flaws…that’s if they can even see them in the first place

The reason I say that is because research has shown that we can be a little bit biased with our view of someone when we’re in love.

Those rose-tinted glasses mean there is a tendency to see your partner in the best possible light by focusing on their positives and minimizing their bad points. 

Having said that, even in the most committed relationships there will come a time when irritations mount.

If your partner is in it for the long run, they tend to make peace with all your imperfections.

Anyone who has ever got the ick knows it’s not always so easy to overlook someone else’s flaws once we notice them.

That’s why accepting everything, both the bad and the good, about your partner is such a strong sign of commitment.

One of the biggest signs is that you make them feel happy

At the end of the day, relationship satisfaction is a major predictor of commitment, and the research backs it up.

It makes sense too. When we’ve got a good thing we want to hold onto it.

That’s why need to remember that everything on our list that’s a sign of a healthy and committed relationship should be a two-way street.

It is important to reciprocate these gestures and ensure that both partners are equally invested in nurturing and strengthening the bond they share.