7 signs your partner is doing the bare minimum and you deserve better

Tina Fey by Tina Fey | November 12, 2024, 12:00 pm

Balancing understanding with avoiding being taken for granted can be delicate.

Have you ever felt like you’re the one putting in all the effort in your relationship while your partner just coasts along?

It’s a tough spot to be in, trust me.

In this article, we’ll explore seven unmistakable signs that indicate your partner might be doing the bare minimum.

It’s crucial to be aware of these signs because, dear readers, you deserve much more.

After all, love thrives on mutual effort and respect. Let’s dive deeper into this.

1) They’re always on the receiving end

Isn’t it exhausting to always be the giver in a relationship?

If you’re always the one making sacrifices, initiating conversations, planning dates, and generally making an effort to keep things interesting, then you might be in a relationship where your partner is doing the bare minimum.

Remember, a relationship is a two-way street.

If you’re constantly having to pull all the weight, it’s an indication that your partner might not be as invested as you are.

When one person is always on the receiving end and not reciprocating the effort, it can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration.

It’s essential to recognize this sign and address it.

After all, you deserve a relationship where both parties are equally committed and contribute their fair share.

2) They’re all about grand gestures but lack in the little things

Sure, those big, romantic gestures can be sweet, but they’re not everything.

If your partner only pulls out all the stops every now and then and doesn’t bother with the little things in between, it might mean they’re not putting in as much effort as they should be.

It’s those everyday acts of love that really matter.

Like taking out the trash without being asked, making your favorite tea when you’re feeling down, or simply listening when you need to vent about your day—those are the things that show they truly care.

So, while fancy vacations and expensive gifts can be nice, they shouldn’t distract you from what’s really important.

You deserve someone who’s there for you every single day, not just on special occasions.

3) You’re constantly making excuses for them

Have you ever found yourself justifying your partner’s lack of effort to your friends, family, or even to yourself?

If you’re constantly making excuses for their behavior, it’s a clear sign that they’re not pulling their weight in the relationship.

And trust me, it can be an easy trap to fall into.

We often want to see the best in our partners and can end up ignoring or downplaying their shortcomings.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into how this pattern can lead to unhealthy dynamics and what you can do about it.

But for now, remember this: You deserve a partner who steps up to the plate, not one for whom you need to constantly make excuses.

It’s about mutual respect and effort, after all.

4) They’re missing in action during tough times

The true measure of a relationship lies in how you navigate the tough times together, not just the good times.

If your partner tends to vanish or emotionally withdraw when things get tough, it’s a clear sign they’re only phoning it in.

You deserve someone who’s there for you through thick and thin, not someone who only shows up when life is smooth sailing.

A wise man, Friedrich Nietzsche, once said, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”

But it’s important to remember that this strength is often forged through shared struggles.

From my own experiences, I can tell you that a relationship where one person is always left to face the storm alone is not one that fosters growth or deep connection.

You deserve better.

You deserve a partner who’ll brave through life’s storms with you, hand in hand.

5) Your achievements don’t excite them

Sharing your victories with your partner is special.

Their excitement can sometimes even outshine your own and cement your bond.

But what if your partner doesn’t seem to care about your achievements?

If they’re not genuinely happy or supportive, it’s a clear sign they’re only sleepwalking through the relationship. 

I remember feeling on top of the world about a career milestone, only to have my partner barely acknowledge it.

It was a wake-up call—I deserved someone who celebrated my successes as much as I did theirs.

You deserve a cheerleader, a partner who’s always in your corner.

That’s the love that lifts us up and helps us thrive.

6) They lack interest in your personal growth

Your personal growth should matter to your partner.

Whether it’s a new hobby, a career change, or a fitness goal, they should be there cheering you on and showing interest in your journey.

If, instead, they seem indifferent or even threatened by your growth, it’s a clear sign they’re not fully invested in the relationship.

They’re merely doing the bare minimum.

This reminds me of a quote by the inspirational Maya Angelou, “Love liberates. It doesn’t bind.”

True love encourages growth. It doesn’t stifle or fear it.

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7) You often feel lonely, even when you’re together

It’s a tough reality to face, but an essential one: If you frequently experience loneliness even when you’re with your partner, it’s a sign they’re not fully engaged in the relationship.

You deserve someone who sees you, hears you, and values you.

Someone who doesn’t just occupy the same space but truly shares their life with you.

Feeling lonely within a relationship is a profound ache we often push aside because it’s too painful to confront.

However, acknowledging it is the first step toward demanding more for yourself.

It’s a blunt truth: You deserve a partner who makes you feel less alone, not more so, in this world.

Love: Shape up or ship out

If you’re feeling like your partner is just coasting along in the relationship, it’s time to have an open and honest conversation. 

Let them know how you’re feeling and what you need from the relationship.

Your happiness and fulfillment matter. 

Remember, you deserve someone who’s fully present and committed, someone who supports and uplifts you.

Don’t settle for less than you deserve.

Trust yourself and your instincts. 

Now, if your partner isn’t willing to step up, it might be time to reassess the relationship and cut your losses before it’s too late. 

To delve into this topic further, I recommend watching this insightful video by Justin Brown.

He beautifully articulates the complexities of finding a compatible partner and the importance of shared values, growth, and mutual support in a relationship:

YouTube video

Remember: You deserve someone who loves you with all their heart and puts in as much effort as you do into the relationship.

Don’t settle for anything less.

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