Right now, you’re probably experiencing one of two reactions.

One, you’re rolling your eyes, thinking, “My partner is obviously my best friend. I talk to them every day, I confide in them about my issues, and we spend a lot of time together. Duh.”

Two, you’re crippled by doubt and are trying to rationalize your way out of it. “A romantic partner is different from a best friend,” you might tell yourself. “They’re two separate roles. It’s okay if they don’t intersect.”

While the first sentiment is correct – your partner should, indeed, be your best friend – it may also fall short under careful analysis.

Someone who spends a lot of time in your presence isn’t automatically your best friend. I mean, just look at your co-workers.

As for the latter approach, it is completely possible to have close friends outside the relationship and to also consider your partner your best friend.

There is no rule on how many best friends you’re allowed to have, after all.

So, what are the 6 signs your partner is your bestie?

Let’s jump right in!

1) You enjoy spending quality time together

“But you’ve just said hanging out doesn’t count!”

It depends on your definition of what “hanging out” means.

If you and your partner spend all your time together watching movies and eating takeout, you definitely hang out a lot, but you don’t necessarily spend quality time together.

According to psychologist Mark Travers PhD, quality time “is all about giving undivided attention to your partner, whether you are on a walk, watching a movie, or simply sitting together. This is an important part of any relationship and it is necessary for maintaining intimacy.”

If you’re watching Netflix and saying nothing, you’re not really taking part in a shared activity.

If you both comment on it and have an in-depth discussion about the movie once it’s finished, though…

Yep, that’s quality time right there.

A good rule of thumb is to look at how you spend time with your best friends and how that compares to what you do with your romantic partner.

While every person is different and comparing every single detail of your interactions isn’t healthy, it does help to put things into perspective.

Trust me, I should know.

Years ago, I realized that I felt more socially fulfilled around my friends than my ex because we had enjoyable and stimulating conversations that made me feel seen and understood.

As for my ex, we mostly watched TV, talked about him, or played video games (his hobby, not mine).

Therefore, ask yourself: would you be close friends with your partner if romantic and sexual attraction weren’t in the mix?

If your answer is a resolute yes, it’s the first sign your significant other is also your best friend.

2) You don’t ever have to censor yourself

My best friend and I sometimes joke about how we speak so freely around each other that we voice the most ridiculous and absurd thoughts you could ever imagine.

Where our friendship is concerned, nothing is off the table. Nothing is weird or controversial or uncomfortable.

At all times, we are our unadulterated selves. And we love each other for it.

Healthy and long-term romantic relationships work on the same basis.

As Travers explains, play is one of the most important factors when it comes to relationship satisfaction.

Intimacy fosters vulnerability, which allows our inner children to come out once we feel safe enough to do so.

If you can’t act silly, playful, and childlike around your significant other, who else is going to make those deeply vulnerable parts of yourself feel accepted and loved?

You and your partner ought to make each other feel so very safe that the thought of censoring yourself doesn’t even occur to you.

Authenticity is true friendship.

3) You trust them to be there for you – always

Oh, those butterflies you feel three years after you got into a relationship with someone?

That’s not love. It’s anxiety.

If you grew up in a chaotic household or are only used to unhealthy relationships that always keep you guessing, you may think that stability and reliability are boring.

But they’re not.

It’s just that your brain has never experienced a peaceful relationship, and so once things become stable and consistent, you’re constantly thinking, “Something’s meant to happen next, right? This surely isn’t all there is to it?”

Indeed, reliability is an important aspect of sustainable and thriving relationships.

As psychologist Theresa E. DiDonato PhD says, “It turns out that love tends to follow from steadiness, not uncertainty; from consistency, not unpredictability.

Stability happens when people behave in ways that are a) unconditional, emphasizing acceptance, and b) dependable, which underscores the importance of reliability and trustworthiness.”

You wouldn’t want your best friend to disappear on you when you need them most, would you?

Well, you should expect the same kind of stability from your romantic partner.

If you’ve achieved a huge milestone, they’re there to celebrate with you.

If you’re going through a rough time, they’re going to offer guidance and emotional support.

That’s how you know your relationship isn’t rooted in just sexual chemistry but also solid friendship.

4) You both strive to make your relationship the best it can be

Every kind of long-term friendship requires effort.

Sure, things may feel easy – even convenient – when you’re at high school or at university, but the older you get, the busier you are, and all of a sudden, six months have gone by, and you still haven’t met up for coffee with that one friend who’s slowly but surely lost the status of “best” and drifted into the zone of “old”.

Well, if you want your friendships to last, you’ve got to put in some time and energy.

And the same applies to romantic relationships.

The issue with relationships is that we tend to spend so much time around our partners that we become blind to how unfulfilling or boring things have become.

The same issues keep bubbling up time and time again, and even if we have a conversation about them, three months later, bam!

We’re crying about the same old problem.

I’ve met lots of couples, and if there’s one thing I’ve noticed that helps people thrive in a relationship, it’s that they both genuinely want to make things work.

They communicate about issues, find solutions, and put them into practice.

Everyone says that relationships are hard work. And to a certain extent, they are. 

But there is a difference between a couple who finds it challenging yet doable to find a solution for a particular problem and a couple where one partner has to convince the other one to put in effort.

You shouldn’t have to remind your partner to care about you.

5) You have the same sense of humor

“Humour plays a major function in long-term relationships,” writes Martin Graff PhD, a Senior Lecturer in Psychology at the University of South Wales. “Apart from the fact that it may be rewarding simply to be in the company of someone with a good sense of humour, clever humour can also advertise intelligence or confidence in a potential partner.”

One of my exes and I had a different sense of humor.

And while I initially thought nothing of it – we could be silly and playful together, and I felt that was enough at first – this difference eventually caught up with us.

Over time, I began to hate each and every meme he sent me.

When I shared my own jokes or (what I thought of as hilarious) TikToks with him, he would smile politely and say, “Funny.”

Yeah. It wasn’t great.

Years into the relationship, he showed me a video that made me laugh so much I shed tears. Befuddled, he said,  “I’ve never seen you laugh like this.”

That was when I realized I laughed more with my friends than I ever had with him.

If you and your partner have the same sense of humor, you are much more likely to laugh together, strengthen your bond, and come up with a plethora of inside jokes that will make you feel closer to each other.

6) You don’t have to try to make things “interesting”

Alright, let’s finish off with something rather controversial!

Ready?

I’ve recently spoken to a friend of mine who’s in a thriving relationship of ten years.

He told me, “People always ask us how we keep things interesting, and I never know what to say. I don’t ever feel like we have to try to make our relationship interesting because we are both genuinely interested. Full stop.”

This struck a chord with me.  

How often do you ask yourself, “Wow, I’ve been friends with so and so for years now, I wonder how we can make our friendship more interesting?”

Basically never, right?

Well, why should a romantic relationship be any different?

Sure, you might say that you live together and therefore spend more time around each other, which could lead to more boredom.

But I’ve lived with partners as well as friends, and I’ve never gotten bored with friends.

We always had something to discuss during accidental kitchen encounters, walks in the park, or movie nights.

Plus, silence can be amazing, too.

If you and your partner feel genuinely fulfilled by each other’s presence, there’s no need for you to force a connection because you’re either chatting about something or sharing a nice moment of peace and quiet.

So, if your romantic relationship is just as socially and conversationally fulfilling as your closest friendships…

It’s the final sign you’re best friends.