Narcissism has never been more popular.

In the last few years, this technical diagnosis, which refers to a serious personality disorder, has entered popular culture.

And as usually happens, the original term has become watered-down to the point where its meaning is in danger of being lost.

However, some people really are narcissists.

And being a narcissist doesn’t just mean being arrogant, vain, or self-centered.

Instead, it means having a whole range of manipulative and antisocial behaviors that can make a person impossible to get along with.

Are you in a relationship with a narcissist?

If you’ve ever asked yourself that question, it’s important to know what are the signs of narcissistic personality disorder, according to the experts.

Here are some things to look out for.

1) They lack empathy

Empathy is the ability most people have to put themselves in another person’s shoes.

It’s an act of the imagination that allows us to understand how other people are feeling and understand their emotional lives.

Empathy comes naturally to most of us, though it’s also a skill that we can work on and develop throughout our lives.

However, one of the classic signs of narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD, is a lack of empathy.

“Narcissism is essentially a problem of lack of empathy,”writes psychotherapist Shawna Freshwater. “Presumably, normal functioning people have had numerous experiences as an infant and child of being admired and understood by their primary caretakers, while the narcissistically vulnerable person did not.”

In other words, narcissists are generally made, not born.

Their personality disorder may spring from childhood neglect which causes them to lack empathy.

While this may go some way toward explaining the origins of narcissism, it doesn’t excuse it.

A narcissist’s lack of empathy may be a result of the way they were raised, but that doesn’t change the fact that it makes them extremely difficult people to be around.

A narcissist’s lack of empathy can show itself in many different ways, especially in the context of a relationship.

Maybe your partner seems indifferent when you mention that you’re having a hard time emotionally.

Maybe they fail to pay attention to your needs, whether it’s helping around the house or spending time with your family.

Sometimes, these can be the traits of someone who is simply selfish.

But sometimes, they point to a more serious psychological disorder such as narcissism.

2) They think they are superior to others

The common cultural idea of a narcissist is someone who thinks they are better than everyone else. And there is some truth in that image.

Narcissists often have a feeling of superiority to others, whether they consider themselves more intelligent, more capable, stronger, or better looking than everyone else.

“Narcissism is often interpreted in popular culture as a person who’s in love with him or herself,” writes psychologist Preston Ni. “It is more accurate to characterize the pathological narcissist as someone who’s in love with an idealized self-image, which they project in order to avoid feeling (and being seen as) the real, disenfranchised, wounded self.”

In other words, narcissists pretend to be superior to others, and may even come to believe it, but it’s all an attempt to cover up the self-esteem they didn’t develop in childhood.

This can show itself in a person who is always putting others down.

They constantly compare themselves favorably to other people, never missing an opportunity to point out how they are smarter, prettier, or better than everyone else.

The fact that this is motivated by a lack of self-esteem is usually not immediately obvious, and it takes a deeper understanding of the narcissist to see this.

3) They care what other people think

Once you understand that narcissists, as confident and arrogant as they may seem, are the way they are because they lack belief in their own self-worth, it starts to make sense that they are deeply affected by what other people think of them.

“Narcissists care greatly about their image,” writes psychologist Amy Morin. “They want to make sure they appear wealthy, popular, and elite.”

That’s because they lack the ability to validate themselves.

This causes them to look to other people for validation.

They want others to believe that they are smarter, better looking, or more capable than everyone else to prop up their own distorted self-image.

So if your partner is always concerned about what other people think and seems to feel a need to put on a false front to impress others, it may come from a hidden strain of narcissism.

4) They are entitled

Not many character traits are more annoying than a sense of entitlement.

But narcissists often display entitled behavior, believing that they deserve better treatment than everyone else and that the ordinary rules of behavior don’t apply to them.

People who are “narcissistically entitled think that good things will come their way because they are deserving of favorable outcomes,” writes psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne.  

A narcissist expects to go to the front of every line.

They will happily break social rules and even laws if it helps them get their own way.

This sense of entitlement means narcissists also often don’t pay attention to the unwritten rules of human relationships.

When you do nice things for them, they may not reciprocate because they believe they deserve them.

They may hold you to rules of behavior that they would never follow themselves.

This sense of entitlement is just part of what makes narcissists so difficult to be in a relationship with.

5) They are manipulative

“Narcissists view relationships mainly as opportunities for self-enhancement,” writes clinical psychologist Mark Zaslav.

In other words, to a narcissist, a relationship isn’t about healthy give-and-take and doing your best for the other person.

Instead, it’s all about what they can get.

“If you find yourself in a narcissist’s orbit, it is helpful to be aware of their favorite manipulative techniques,” Zaslav goes on.

These include:

• Love bombing, or showering you with affection and flattery in the early stages of relationship
• Blaming you when things go wrong
• Playing on your insecurities
• Lying
• Guilt tripping
• Constantly criticizing you
• Gaslighting or systematically distorting the truth to make you question your own grip on reality

These manipulative tactics can often be a form of abuse, so if you are experiencing them in a relationship, it may be time to ask yourself why you’re still there.

6) They tend to have turbulent relationships

Some people think that a passionate relationship needs to have conflict.

And it’s true that all relationships will have conflict of one sort or another.

But if you are constantly fighting with your partner, it’s not a good sign.

And it may be a sign that your partner is a narcissist.

Because of their manipulative behavior and their selfish tendencies, narcissists struggle to maintain long-term relationships.

And the ones that you have will often be turbulent, marked by constant conflict and manipulation.

If your partner talks about their exes as if they were all crazy, that’s a bad sign.

Likewise, it’s a bad sign if they don’t have any long-term friends, or they have a strained relationship with their family.

Of course, the same applies if your own relationship is full of drama and fights.

7) They don’t take responsibility

One of the ways narcissists protect their fragile sense of self is by never accepting responsibility when things go wrong.

If you get in an argument with your narcissistic partner, they will blame you, and never accept any responsibility for the fight themselves.

If they have conflict in the workplace, it’s because everyone is against them, not because of anything they’ve done.

If they fall out with a friend, it must be the friend’s fault, never theirs.

“People who have narcissistic personality disorder cannot tolerate the idea that they might be to blame, so they accuse someone else instead,” writes therapist Elinor Greenberg. “In order to avoid self-hatred, they project the blame onto someone else. If they do not successfully shift the blame, then they may find themselves drowning in a pit of self-loathing and shame.”

Basically, a narcissist cannot admit when they are at fault, because their fragile egos can’t handle the shame that comes with being wrong.

8) They exploit others

As I mentioned earlier, to a narcissist, a relationship is just a means to an end.

Instead of getting into a relationship because they think it will make you and them happy, they do it because they think they can get something out of you.

But it’s not just romantic relationships. Every relationship is a tool for a narcissist to use to get what they want.

That means they may make friends with people who they think can offer them something, whether it’s money, career advancement, or prestige.

And often, they will abandon relationships once they feel they no longer have something to offer them.

9) They have fragile self-esteem

Finally, while it might seem counterintuitive at first, low self-esteem is a classic marker of a narcissist.

Many of the characteristic traits of a narcissistic person only start to make sense once you understand that they come from a place of self-loathing.

So many of the things narcissists do, while they seem arrogant, are actually a response to this lack of self-worth.

Recognizing narcissism

The first step to dealing with a narcissistic partner is to realize what they truly are.

Because once you do, you’ll be able to distance yourself from their manipulations and see your relationship for what it really is.