(and no, it’s not just about bringing you flowers)

Forget getting your name written in the clouds, buying you a cuty puppy, or professing their undying love.

The real signs of a lasting partnership aren’t often so glitzy and glamorous, and tend to lie in the either consistent behavior, or the quirky, unexpected moments that sometimes leave you feeling breathless.

Psychology offers some key insights into the subtle cues that reveal a true keeper (the sort that once you have your grip on, you won’t want to let go of!)

So, without further ado, let’s ditch the grand gestures and swooning and dive into the 9 signs that indicate you’ve found your perfect match.

1) They get you giggling so hard your stomach hurts 

We all know laughter is the best medicine, but it’s also part of the glue recipe that sticks couples together and means they never part ways.

‘Couples who laugh together stay together,’ states the Association for Psychological Science. 

The research even shows that couples who share a similar sense of humor report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and are better at navigating conflict. 

So, if you find yourself doubled over in laughter at your partner’s puns (even if they’re dad-joke droll), or they genuinely appreciate your witty comebacks, it’s a sign you’re on the same wavelength.

Cherish and nourish the shared giggles…even if the jokes are awful!

2) Eagle-eye observation skills

It’s not all about 5-star hotels or swanky dates.

In fact, more than anything, it’s about how you and your partner notice the little things about one another.

Like how they remember you want extra foam and only half a pump of caramel syrup in your coffee.

Or how they’ve stopped raising their voice during football games as they noticed how it makes you shrink into yourself.

Or how they pick the icing off cake (as they’ve noticed you love spongey cake but hate sugary icing.)

These little things are loud and clear demonstrations that show they pay you a great deal attention. 

And it’s this attention matched with consideration that signals a huge amount of love and an immense goodness of character.

3) “I’m a pusher, Cady!’

“I PUSH PEOPLE!”

Who remembers this iconic Meangirls tagline?!

In the iconic chick flick, Ms. Norbury is brutally honest with her student. She doesn’t push Cady to join the mathletes out of a desire to ruin her social reputation, but rather because she knows Cady is capable and wants her to achieve great things.

Whether you are a teacher or a partner, the people you want in your life are not those who simply roll over and agree with everything you say. 

Quite the opposite, in fact.

The best people challenge your assumptions, push you out of your comfort zone, and inspire you to be a better version of yourself. 

This is what psychologist Carol Dweck calls a “growth mindset” – the belief that we can learn and develop throughout our lives. 

So cherish a partner who sees the best in you, encourages your growth, and is invested in your future together.

4) “I messed up and I’m sorry.”

Now, an apology really does have to come of its own accord and should not be dragged forth from the lips of the apologizer (in which case it becomes something of a non-apology.)

We all mess up sometimes. 

But a true keeper owns their mistakes, offers a sincere apology, and actively works to repair any hurt they’ve caused. 

The humility in being able to put ego aside, the vulnerability in putting their relationship first, and the self-awareness to reflect on their wrongdoings…

These are all key aspects that you’ll find in good-natured and caring individuals – the sort you definitely want to keep around!

5) “Ooooh! Tell me more!”

You don’t have to share each and every hobby with your partner. 

In fact, if you find yourselves glued at the hip and unable to spend even a second apart, you’re probably in for a different type of issue (think codependency.)

However, a keeper is genuinely interested in your hobbies, passions, and quirks. 

They ask questions about how you got so good at archery, they listen attentively to your insights on how to nurture and care for basil, and maybe even join in (even if they attend one pottery class and decide they hate the feeling of clay drying on their hands.)

This shared curiosity invites connection and keeps things exciting. 

It also gives you plenty of topics to discuss, means you’re fleshed out as your own individuals, and prevents the relationship from falling into a rut.

6) Silence isn’t awkward

Healthy relationships don’t always need constant chit-chat to fill the gaps.

And what you’ll likely find is that a keeper is someone you can comfortably sit in silence with.

Maybe it’s reading a good book side-by-side (you’re reading fantasy smut, they’re nose deep in scifi), or playing different video games in the same room.

Whatever your poison, this quiet intimacy signifies a deep level of comfort and trust – a true sign of a lasting bond.

7) You rode a bike?! You SUPERSTAR!”

A keeper is your biggest fan, cheering you on in your achievements, big or small. 

Whether it’s scoring a big promotion at work or trundling 10 meters on a rusty old bicycle before toppling off and grazing your knee (no one taught you to ride as a kid), they’re there on the sidelines, screaming your name as loudly as an NBA fan watching a last minute goal.

They celebrate your successes as if they were their own, offering genuine enthusiasm and support. 

And it’s this degree of positive reinforcement strengthens your individual self-esteem and creates a sense of shared joy and unwavering support within the relationship.

8) Boundaries are made of steel, not sand

There are few things worse than thinking you’ve found your happily-ever-after, only to find yourself repeating the same boundaries over and over again to your special someone while they just ignore them.

You keep telling them how much you value time…yet they’re always late.

You’ve told them a million times that you don’t find that particular joke funny…yet they continue to say it.

You’ve told them to stop wearing your underwear…yet, well, you guessed it.

A true keeper understands and respects your personal boundaries, whether it’s needing alone time, having different social preferences, or disagreeing on certain issues. 

Psychology backs that this respect for one another’s individual needs is vital for maintaining a healthy balance between individuality and togetherness.

9) They make you feel soft, cozy, and safe

Last but definitely not least is whether your partner makes you feel safe, secure, and at home.

This feeling of safety extends to your emotional state, mental state, and physical state. 

If they offer a safe space for you to be yourself, express your feelings, and be vulnerable without fear of judgment or ridicule, you’ve found yourself a golden goose!

Emotional security is vital to any fulfilling and lasting relationship.

So, take heed of a partner who allows you to express your feelings without even a hint of endangering that safe space, and who always has your back – no matter what.

Are they a keeper or is it time to go fishing?

There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to love. So, if your partner doesn’t check every box above, don’t panic.  

Remember, the signs of a keeper are as unique as the individuals themselves.

These psychological insights offer helpful pointers, but the true magic lies in recognizing and cherishing the quirks and qualities that make your partner your person.

Plus, who says you can’t grow and improve alongside your partner? Love is a two-way street, after all.  

If you spot room for growth in yourself or your partner, don’t be afraid to talk about it. Open communication and a willingness to evolve together are the hallmarks of a truly lasting love.

The more you understand what makes a relationship thrive, and the more you invest in your own personal growth, the closer you’ll both come to being each other’s lifelong keepers.