Ask any parent what they want their child to be, and chances are you’ll hear words like “happy,” “kind,” and “respectful.” 

These are signs of something bigger: emotional intelligence. Also known as EQ (Emotional Quotient), it’s about understanding and managing one’s own feelings and those of others. 

It’s a major ingredient for children to be able to get along with others and feel good about themselves.

It’s so important that some psychologists believe that it could be more helpful in navigating life than cognitive intelligence. 

Do you want to know if your child is highly emotionally intelligent? Here are 11 signs, according to psychology: 

1) They’re curious and eager to learn

First up, does your child love asking questions?

Those endless questions which, let’s be honest, can be exhausting at times actually says a lot about your child’s level of emotional intelligence. 

According to Greater Good Berkeley, curiosity can expand our empathy and develop strong relationships. 

Think about it – each answer you give to your child’s question adds to their knowledge about the world. 

And you know what they say…knowledge is power. The more a child learns…

• The more they’ll understand that there’s a wide world out there
• The more diverse their thinking will be

Why is this important? Because it opens their minds to the diversity of the world and helps them to appreciate and respect differences. 

I hope this helps you practice more patience the next time your child peppers you with questions!

2) They know what they’re good and weak at

I was a teacher for many years, and one of the ways I (and the rest of the teachers in the world) could tell that a child was highly emotionally intelligent was if they were self-aware. 

You see, self-awareness is a foundational aspect of emotional intelligence, especially in children. 

So if a child says something like, “I’m good at art, but I suck at math…” that’s a sign that they have self-awareness. 

Even at an early age, they already notice how one thing seems to come more easily to them than others. 

3) They can identify what they’re feeling 

Did you know that even if your child is still a toddler, you can already tell if they have high emotional intelligence? 

How? Well, look at how they label their feelings. Do they say things like, “I’m mad/sad/happy”?

That’s a major socio-emotional milestone, you know. And here’s the best part – it’s all because of you! 

You’ve done the work of naming your feelings, and giving them a great model for introspection and identifying their emotions.  

Most importantly, you’ve validated how they feel instead of dismissing it – and that’s a crucial part of developing EQ. Give yourself a pat on the back!

4) They can identify what other people are feeling

Not only can a child with high EQ identify what he feels, he can sense and identify what others are feeling, too. 

I remember once in my classroom, a little girl came up to me and said, “Something’s wrong with Elijah. He’s just sitting there in the corner and doesn’t want to play.”

Mind you, that little girl was only three. Yet without her friend saying a word, she could sense that “something was wrong”. 

A sixth sense? Or just high emotional intelligence? When you think about it, those two are actually the same. 

5) They can imagine themselves in another person’s situation

Following on from that, child development experts say that empathy is a clear sign that they have high emotional intelligence. 

This reminds me of the time I read Shel Silverstein’s “The Giving Tree” in class. As I read the story, I could see one of my students – a dark-haired boy – getting sadder and sadder. By the end of the story, he was blinking back tears.

I asked him why, and he said, “Because it’s too painful. The tree shouldn’t have given away everything!” 

I love seeing moments like this – moments when we see a child being empathetic and showing a deep level of compassion for someone in a different situation. 

If you notice this trait in your child, rest assured that they have emotional intelligence in heaps. 

A high sense of empathy also means that…

6) They like helping people

Does your little one like lending a hand with chores? Sharing toys and treats with others? That’s another sign that they are emotionally smart.

You see, emotionally intelligent kids don’t stop at empathy; they truly walk the talk.

They’re the ones who will share their snack with a friend who forgot theirs or help a younger sibling with a difficult task. 

They’ll try to lift heavy bags along with you or water the plants in the garden to take one more task off your list. 

And take note, they aren’t doing it just because you said so or because there’s a reward waiting for them. Their desire to help comes from a genuine place of wanting to make things better for others.

I don’t know if you’ve seen this inspiring story before about an 11-year-old boy who has funded a lot of charity projects through his crochet creations. No one told him to do that; the need to help came from him and no one else. 

That’s a fantastic display of emotional intelligence, wouldn’t you agree? 

7) They can say “no” to other kids

That said, even if they are helpful, emotionally intelligent children also know about boundaries. 

Which means…

• They can say “no” when they have to
• They aren’t prone to people-pleasing
• They can stand strong against peer pressure
• They can recognize when someone’s taking advantage of them

And the best part is, they can be assertive without being aggressive. 

Imagine being able to do that when you aren’t fully grown yet…that takes a lot of skill, and it’s all thanks to their high emotional intelligence! 

8) They are less impulsive

Another thing that’s hard to do when you’re still a child is to curb your impulses. I mean, even now that we’re adults, it’s hard to resist that slice of cake or that “one more episode”, right? 

Yet, emotionally intelligent kids have a good handle on their urges. 

Remember the Marshmallow Test? Although that study wasn’t quite conclusive, it did pave the way for more studies on impulse control and emotional intelligence in children. 

One of those was from the Gottman Institute, which found that: 

“Self-control, one piece of emotional intelligence, is particularly important in predicting achievement in children. Children who are able to inhibit impulses (often driven by emotions) and avoid distractions are able to engage in more prosocial behaviors and accomplish their goals.”

You know your child has high emotional intelligence if they can delay gratification. If they don’t throw a tantrum when you don’t want to buy them a toy, or if they know to do their homework first before turning on the TV or iPad.

These are just a few ways to tell if your child can say “no” to whatever impulsive thought comes to mind.  

9) They can calm themselves down

Self-soothing is another hallmark trait of kids who are emotionally intelligent. 

Much of the work in education, especially in early childhood, is dedicated to teaching kids to identify and regulate their emotions. (The RULER Approach is one way of doing this.)

After all, it’s how we equip our kids to be resilient, disciplined, and calm problem-solvers.  

And you know what? It’s always, always heartwarming to witness a child in the pivotal moment when they recognize that they need to calm down and use the techniques we teach them. 

One time, I could see a student getting frustrated because the block tower she was making kept toppling over. I waited to see what she’d do, and true enough, she stopped, took deep breaths, counted to ten like I taught them. 

If your child has their own ways of getting to a calmer state in moments of frustration, they’re definitely emotionally smart. 

10) They have good manners 

From a very young age, we’ve all been taught to say the magic words “please” and “thank you”. To be respectful and well-mannered, especially when we’re out in public.

I know we can’t always expect perfect behavior from children – after all, they’re still learning and growing. But if they’re at least trying, that’s a good indication of emotional intelligence. 

Because it shows they understand the idea of social norms and consideration for other people. The idea that we live in a world full of other people, and good manners are a big part of how we’ll all get along.

It’s kind of a big idea for growing minds to fully grasp, so if they can understand this, they’re emotionally smarter than most. 

11) They are grateful for what they have 

Lastly, does your child have an attitude of gratitude? If yes, then that should tell you they’re emotionally intelligent. 

It’s becoming a rare quality these days. With everything instantly available and accessible, it’s become easier for people to feel entitled than grateful. 

I have a nephew who has such a grateful heart. I remember at his 8th birthday party, he was opening his gifts. One of them was socks, which his dad meant as a prank before giving him the Nintendo he’d been dreaming of.

But to their surprise, he was just so, so grateful for the socks!

What a sweet boy! I remember thinking, this child’s emotional intelligence goes right through the roof. 

Final thoughts

Before I end, I’d like to emphasize this: Emotionally intelligent children aren’t born – they’re made.

Which means, it’s on us as parents and teachers to model the right behavior. 

After all, as research shows, emotionally intelligent parents have a bigger chance of having emotionally intelligent children. It’s all about being the best example we can be for them!