9 signs you were raised by well-intentioned but overbearing parents

Ava Sinclair by Ava Sinclair | June 6, 2024, 9:09 pm

We all crave some degree of freedom and autonomy, right?

Yet, there are times when it feels like your parents’ well-intentioned guidance has crossed over into the realm of the overbearing. A little too much “protection” perhaps?

Trust me, you’re not alone in feeling this way.

Many of us have grown up with parents whose love and concern for us, although genuine, may have come across as a tad overbearing.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not here to bash loving parents who only want the best for their children. 

However, I do want to shed light on a few signs that might indicate that your upbringing was more restrictive than you thought.

This isn’t about blaming or shaming anyone. Instead, it’s about understanding how our past can influence our present and future selves.

So, are you ready to dive in?

Let’s uncover those subtle signs that you were raised by well-intentioned but overbearing parents.

It might be a bit of a wake-up call, but hey, self-awareness is the first step towards growth, right?

Let’s get started…

1) Overplanning was the norm

If you’re anything like me, spontaneity wasn’t a word that existed in your family’s dictionary. Every outing or event was meticulously planned down to the last detail. I remember my parents would even plan out my playdates, deciding who I could play with and what games we could play.

This overplanning, while well-intentioned, didn’t leave much room for me to make my own decisions or learn from my mistakes

In fact, it often felt like my life was just one big agenda, with every minute accounted for. 

2) Criticism was more common than praise

I recall countless times when I would come home excited about a test I aced only to be met with a list of things I could’ve done better.

It felt like I was constantly chasing an elusive standard of perfection that just wasn’t attainable.

Again, this wasn’t out of malice but rather a misguided attempt to push me to excel. 

It just wasn’t the most effective way for me to build self-confidence or learn to celebrate my achievements. 

3) Your parents were your only friends

In some households, parents try to be their child’s best friend. In these instances, it’s common for kids to have fewer friendships outside of the home.

This may seem like a strong bond, but it can also be a sign of overbearing parenting. Research shows that children who are overly reliant on their parents for social interaction often struggle to form healthy relationships in adulthood. 

This is because they miss out on vital social lessons learned through interacting with peers, such as conflict resolution, empathy, and independence.

4) Every decision felt like a life or death situation

Making choices was never just about choosing. It was about making the “right” choice. 

Every decision, no matter how small, came with a weight that could feel overwhelming. From which subjects to choose in school to which friends to hang out with, there always seemed to be an enormous amount of pressure.

These experiences can shape us into adults who agonize over every little choice, fearful of making the “wrong” decision. 

If you’ve found yourself feeling this way, it’s possible that your parents’ overbearing tendencies might have played a role in shaping this aspect of your personality.

5) Constant monitoring was the norm

I can still vividly remember the days when my parents would insist on knowing every detail of my life. From the books I was reading to the friends I was hanging out with, it felt like I was under constant surveillance.

This monitoring often extended into my teenage years as well. Even simple tasks like a trip to the mall with friends required a full itinerary and a list of everyone who would be present.

Looking back, I realize this was their way of ensuring my safety and wellbeing.

But at the time, it felt suffocating and left little room for me to develop independence

6) Failure was not an option

Growing up, it always felt like there was no room for failure. Any misstep was seen not as a learning opportunity, but as a direct reflection of my worth. 

This pressure to constantly succeed and avoid failure at all costs can create a toxic environment that fosters fear instead of growth.

If you too grew up in an environment where failure was the ultimate sin, it’s likely that you experienced overbearing parenting. 

Learning from our mistakes is a crucial part of developing resilience and self-confidence.

7) Your parents’ feelings were your responsibility

I remember always feeling like I had to maintain peace at home. If my parents were upset, it felt like it was my job to make them happy again.

This sense of responsibility for another person’s emotions is not only exhausting but also unhealthy.

Children should not bear the weight of their parents’ emotional well-being

8) Fear was used as a motivator

Did your parents often use fear to motivate you?

Instead of using positive reinforcement or encouragement to motivate, overbearing parents often use fear or threats.

This approach can lead to long-term anxiety and stress disorders. It’s disturbingly common for children raised in such environments to struggle with self-worth and confidence issues later in life.

9) They directed your future

My parents had a clear plan for my future. From the university I should attend to the career I should pursue, every major life decision was pre-determined by them. 

While their intentions were good, this left me with little room to explore my own interests and passions.

Remember, this article is not meant to place blame on parents. They usually do the best they can with the tools they have. 

This is simply to help you understand your upbringing better and how it may have shaped you. 

If some or all of these signs resonate with you, the first step is acknowledging them. 

The next step? That’s up to you.

Related: People who were overly praised and never criticized as a child usually develop these 8 traits later in life