We’ve all heard stories of terrible parents who neglected or abused their children. We know just how much damage such an upbringing can do to a person. 

But what about overly involved parents? Are they any better? 

Newsflash: absolutely not. Overparenting can leave many damaging effects as well that show up in adulthood. 

If you were raised with overly involved parents, you might not be aware of how that has shaped your habits and ways of thinking. 

Here are 9 signs that you were overparented as a child and how it affects you today. 

1) You constantly needed parental approval (and you still do)

I was a teacher for more than 20 years, and believe me, overly involved parents were among my top pet peeves (as the rest of the teaching world). 

Why? Because it’s heartbreaking to watch a child constantly hesitate to try new things and look to their parents for permission or approval first. 

At a very young age, they already had this unspoken priority that “I shouldn’t disappoint Mom/Dad”. 

And so, at a very young age, they unconsciously learn how to people-please. How to be overly compliant. How to avoid conflict. And the saddest thing of all – how to not express what they truly feel. 

If you were overparented as a child, you probably see these patterns still playing out in your adult life. Your kneejerk reactions could still be based on a desire to please. 

You might be the type to keep quiet instead of voicing out your objections to something because well, that’s the training you got as a child. 

And if you do make choices as an adult, it’s not uncommon for you to doubt them. That’s because…

2) You find it hard to make decisions

Over-involved parents tend to decide on everything – from what their child will wear to what they’ll be when they grow up. 

They know best, period. 

Unfortunately, the message they ultimately send is this – you, their child, are not capable of making good decisions. 

So, what happens when you grow up then and you walk around believing that message? 

It’s simple – you cringe at the thought of making a decision, and really, you’d gladly leave the decision-making to someone else. That’s because of these two key reasons: 

• You don’t trust yourself to make good choices
• You don’t even know your preferences because your parents have always decided for you

3) You have a fear of failure

This is closely connected to my point above. If you weren’t given a chance to make choices and see those choices through to their consequences, the idea of failure becomes a foreign concept. 

I remember a student I had whose parents would nitpick over quiz scores. If he got a low score (well, lower than what they expected; he actually did a pretty good job even if it wasn’t a perfect score), they’d ask for a redo. 

And whenever I assigned the class a project, he’d turn in a picture-perfect one. So perfect that it had to be his parents who made it. 

We had a term for these kinds of parents – helicopter parents. Always hovering around to make sure their kid didn’t fail. 

As if that wasn’t bad enough, there’s now a monster, supersized version of them – the lawnmower parents. Those who literally mow down every obstacle in their child’s path to ensure a smooth road (remember the Varsity Blues scandal?). 

I know these parents mean well, but they’re actually doing so much damage to their kids.

4) You’re highly risk-averse

Because of that fear and the very controlled environment your over-involved parents gave you, risk is probably something you approach ultra-cautiously. 

Studies show that overprotective parenting can lead to the development of risk aversion in their children. 

That’s not surprising, really. If your parents rarely let you on the monkey bars, for instance, you’d come to see them as “not safe”. 

If your parents always stepped in to resolve your conflicts, you might find it hard to handle disagreements or opposition in your adult life. 

The problem is, this careful avoidance of risk and conflict extends to other areas in your life. It’s never just about the monkey bars or the arguments you had with your best friend. 

It may be the reason why you find yourself opting for the “safer” job that doesn’t quite fulfill you. Or staying in the wrong relationship just because it’s at least something you already know. 

Overparenting tends to leave children with a very limiting view of life – that it’s something to be afraid of. Instead of nurturing curiosity, it trains you to think of the worst-case scenarios or of ways to avoid getting hurt. 

This brings me to the next point…

5) You worry excessively

Obviously, overly involved parents have a lot of worries. Every new person you meet is someone to approach with caution. Every new adventure might lead to disaster. 

And God forbid you get a low score in school. Oh boy, what kind of a future will you have?

What happens when you’re raised in that environment? Well, all of that anxiety gets passed down to you. We are the average of the five people we surround ourselves with, after all. 

Like I said earlier, your parents’ worry came from a place of love and good intentions. But unfortunately, instead of making you confident, you learned that the world is a dangerous place. 

So today, you might still see that conditioning playing out in your adult life. Maybe you tend to overplan to dispel any sense of uncertainty. Or your mind tends to jump to the worst-case scenario, just like they did. 

It’s hard to break free from this cycle of worry, but hopefully recognizing these patterns and understanding their roots in your upbringing helps you take that first step. 

6) You have limited problem-solving skills

I often hear older people today gripe about how the younger generation does not know how to handle problems. 

I don’t really agree with blanket statements like this. What I’d say is that people with limited problem-solving skills were likely overparented. 

When parents are too quick to jump in and solve every issue for their child, it prevents the child from learning how to tackle challenges on their own. 

And that extends all the way into adulthood. You might rely too much on others at work. You might struggle with being independent. 

The bottom line is, it’s not that you don’t want to be independent or know how to solve problems. It’s simply because you haven’t had much opportunity to do it! 

Well, there’s no time like the present to flip that script. You’re an adult now, and you can begin seeing challenges as something you can overcome. 

Believe me, you are absolutely capable of that. All it takes is courage and practice.

7) You get easily overwhelmed by stress

Another sign of overparenting is the lack of coping skills to manage stress. 

Think of it like this: overly involved parents want their children’s lives to be happy and easy. So when something unpleasant happens, what do they do? 

They often rush in to smooth things over, fix the problem, or remove any obstacles. 

I saw this all the time at the playground. Parents running over in a panic when their child bounces off the slide a teensy bit harder than they should’ve. 

Parents rushing over to literally lift their kids to the top of a climbing wall because climbing was hard. 

Real talk – when kids are given the chance to experience discomfort, they learn to cope with stress on their own. They become resilient. 

If you’re always shielded from difficulties, you never get to practice dealing with them. You don’t learn that it’s okay to feel stressed, upset, or frustrated, and more importantly, that these feelings are manageable and temporary. 

So, as an adult, you get a rude awakening. Life is hard! Why is it so hard? And so you react to stress in unhealthy ways:

• Avoiding anything that feels the slightest bit negative
• Experiencing disproportionate levels of anxiety or panic
• Handling constructive criticism the wrong way
• Trying to have complete control over a situation

8) You might have a touch of narcissism and entitlement

Here’s an interesting piece of research: overparenting is associated with narcissistic traits. 

According to the study: 

“Remembered childhood environments of being excessively pampered are associated with grandiose and vulnerable narcissistic traits, characterised by the young person expressing unrealistic self-views, entitlement beliefs and impaired autonomy.” 

Yes, that’s how damaging overparenting can be. If your parents put you on a pedestal and overvalued you, then you grow to believe that yes, you’re special. More special than anyone else in the world. 

And that’s a belief that will show up well into adulthood. In the workplace, you might expect preferential treatment or promotions without necessarily putting in the effort or having the required experience. 

In personal relationships, you might expect others to prioritize your needs and wants over their own. Which then leads to strained connections. 

9) Your sense of self is shaky

Ironically, while overparenting might make you feel like you’re a special breed, your sense of self is shaky. After all, it’s a distorted sense of self, so it isn’t exactly solid or healthy. 

Given all of the signs I’ve discussed above, it’s easy to come to this conclusion. It’s hard to feel confident in yourself and know who you really are when there are so many gaps in your skill development. 

The science bears this out. A study found that university students with overprotective parents have: 

• Less confidence
• Lower academic performance
• Poorer adjustment to college life

I can’t say this enough – overparenting does not set kids up for real life. 

As a parent myself, I understand the sentiment of wanting our kids to be healthy and happy, to have better lives than we did. 

But overparenting isn’t the way to get there. Balanced parenting is. 

If you were raised by overprotective and overly involved parents, you can still undo that programming. Start by believing you are capable of handling life. 

Sure, you might mess up from time to time and it will feel terrible, but don’t worry, you can absolutely bounce back!