In the raw moments of a breakup, it’s easy to think that maybe you never really had those deep feelings for one another.

However, according to psychology, there are actual signs that can indicate whether what you had was just a fleeting infatuation or something more substantial.

In this article, we will delve into these telling indicators.

We’ll explore the subtle signs that might reveal you were more in love with the idea of each other than actually being in love.

1) You never really bonded

It’s possible that you spent a good amount of time with each other, but you never felt that deep emotional connection.

Maybe your conversations were largely superficial, focusing on easy topics like movies or the weather rather than delving into personal stories or shared dreams.

Mutual vulnerability is a crucial element in forming deep, loving relationships.

The advice here is simple: If you feel that you and your partner didn’t share enough deep and meaningful experiences together, it’s possible that what you had was not love, but a surface-level attachment.

2) The relationship was based on convenience

Did you spend time together because you genuinely wanted to, or was it more about fitting into each other’s schedules and routines?

If your relationship was largely based on convenience, it might be an indication that you weren’t truly in love.

In psychology, there’s a concept known as the proximity principle. This principle suggests that we tend to form relationships with those who are physically close to us or with whom we frequently interact.

But just because someone is conveniently around doesn’t mean we truly love them.

If you were together because it was easy because they lived nearby or worked in the same place, rather than because you deeply desired to be with them, this could be a sign you never really loved each other.

True love often involves going out of your way for someone, making sacrifices to spend time with them, and putting their needs ahead of your own.

If these elements were missing from your relationship, it could point towards a lack of genuine love.

3) The future seemed vague

True love tends to come with a sense of certainty about the future.

When you’re deeply in love, you can usually visualize a future with your partner, even if the details remain fuzzy.

But if you struggled to picture a shared future or if discussions about the future invariably led to discomfort or arguments, this could be a sign that you never truly loved each other.

Life is unpredictable, and no one can foresee every twist and turn.

However, a reluctance to commit to future plans or an inability to see beyond the present moment could indicate a lack of deep emotional attachment.

Love is not just about enjoying the present moments together but also about wanting to build a shared future. 

4) There were more good times than bad

Contrary to what you might expect, a relationship filled with constant happiness and good times isn’t always a sign of true love.

Real love isn’t just about good times; it’s about staying through the bad ones together as well.

A relationship that was mostly filled with fun times and hardly any conflicts or challenges might indicate that you were in a state of infatuation rather than true love.

Dealing with conflicts and overcoming hardships together can actually strengthen a couple’s bond. It’s in these moments of adversity that true feelings often shine through.

True love encompasses all aspects of life, including the not-so-pleasant parts.

5) You were more in love with the potential

Sometimes, we fall in love with the idea of what a person could be, rather than who they actually are.

People are not projects to be fixed or molded according to our desires. True love means accepting someone for who they are—flaws and all.

If you were always hoping for your partner to change—their habits, their personality traits, their life goals – and believed that everything would be perfect ‘once they do’, you might have been in love with a potential that may never be realized.

6) You didn’t feel safe being yourself

In a relationship founded on true love, you should feel comfortable being your authentic self.

You know you’re loved for who you are, not for who your partner wants you to be.

But if you found yourself constantly modifying your behavior, hiding your true feelings, or suppressing parts of your personality to keep the peace or to be more appealing to your partner, this could be a sign that real love was missing from your relationship.

It’s perfectly normal to want to impress our partners and put our best foot forward, especially at the start of a relationship. But as the relationship progresses, you should feel safe and loved being your authentic self.

Everyone deserves love that accepts and cherishes them for who they really are. 

7) Your happiness depends on them

We’ve all heard the saying, “You complete me.”

While it’s romantic and makes for a great movie line, in reality, depending on someone else to make you happy can be a sign that you were never truly in love.

In a healthy relationship, happiness comes from within and is complemented by your partner, not dependent on them.

True love allows each person to maintain their individuality and find joy independently. It’s two whole individuals coming together, not two halves trying to complete each other.

8) Your pet didn’t like them

Pets are known to be great judges of character. If your beloved dog or cat never warmed up to your partner, it could be a sign that something was off.

While it’s not a foolproof method of determining true love, our pets often pick up on subtleties that we might miss. Maybe they sensed tension or a lack of genuine affection between you two.

Of course, this point isn’t to suggest you should base your relationship decisions solely on your pet’s approval.

But if Cheese the chonky cat was never a fan despite your partner’s attempts to bond, it might be worth asking yourself why.

Love is as much about feeling comfortable and at ease as it is about passion.

9) You constantly made excuses for them

Sometimes, we want a relationship to work so badly that we start making excuses for our partner’s poor behavior or inconsiderate actions.

If you found yourself doing this more often than not, it could be a sign that you never truly loved each other.

When we truly love someone, we hold them to a high standard because we believe in their capacity to meet it.

Making constant excuses for your partner’s actions could indicate that you were trying to convince yourself of the relationship’s viability, rather than it being a natural occurrence.

Real love doesn’t need constant justification. It’s mutual respect, understanding, and consideration.

If you were constantly defending or explaining away your partner’s behavior to yourself or others, it might be a sign that the relationship was not based on love, but on a desire to maintain the status quo.

It’s tough to hear, but recognizing this could be what you need to find a relationship that truly honors and respects you.

10) Love should feel good

At the end of the day, the most important thing to remember is that real love should feel good.

It’s not constant turmoil, walking on eggshells, or feeling like you have to change who you are to be accepted.

It’s mutual respect, understanding, and a deep connection that makes you feel seen and appreciated for who you are. It’s being with someone who enhances your life and makes you want to be the best version of yourself.

You deserve a love that is affirming, comforting, and uplifting. Don’t settle for anything less.

Final thoughts

Love is complex and can present itself in many different ways.

But if you were left feeling unfulfilled, unhappy, or unsure in your relationship, it could be a sign that you were not truly in love.

Dr. Brene Brown, a renowned psychologist and research professor, once said, “We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known.”

This quote underlines the importance of mutual vulnerability and authenticity in a truly loving relationship.

If these were missing from your relationship, it could be time to reflect on what you truly want and need from a partner.

Love, when genuine, is a beautiful thing that should make us feel valued, appreciated, and content.