You’ve likely heard the famous phrase, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

It’s a powerful reminder that the company you keep has a profound impact on your life—shaping your mindset, influencing your decisions, and even determining your overall happiness.

But what happens when the people around you aren’t lifting you up?

Sometimes, it’s easy to overlook the subtle signs that your friendships might be holding you back rather than helping you grow.

In this article, we’ll explore nine key signs that it might be time to surround yourself with better quality friends—those who inspire, support, and encourage you to be the best version of yourself.

1) Constant negativity

It’s normal to have bad days, and friends should indeed be there for each other during tough times.

But when the negativity becomes a constant, it might be a sign that you need to reconsider your circle.

Negative friends, those who always see the glass as half empty, can subtly influence your own outlook over time.

Research shows that negativity is contagious. So if those around you are constantly negative and pessimistic, you might find yourself adopting the same mindset.

So take a step back and evaluate. If your friends are perpetually negative, it might be time to seek out more positive influences. 

2) They only call when they need something

We’ve all had that friend. You know, the one who only pops up in your inbox or appears on your caller ID when they need a favor.

I’ll never forget my old friend, let’s call her Jane.

Jane and I were inseparable in college. But as we moved into our adult lives, our friendship started to change.

She would disappear for weeks, months even, then out of the blue, she’d call asking if I could cat-sit or help her move.

It made me feel like an on-call helper rather than a valued friend.

In hindsight, this was a clear sign that I needed to surround myself with better friends.

Friends should be there for each other, not just when it’s convenient or beneficial for them.

If you’re constantly giving and not receiving anything in return, it might be time to reevaluate who you’re spending your time with.

3) You don’t share common values

Values are the bedrock of any strong friendship. They’re the shared beliefs and principles that keep you connected, even as life changes and evolves.

Shared experiences can be a fantastic way to deepen your bond with someone initially. But when it comes to maintaining a strong relationships, shared values are much more important.

When your values align, your friends encourage you to live up to your values, holding you accountable for living an authentic life.

So if your core values are misaligned, it might be a sign that you need to find better quality friends.

4) You feel drained after spending time with them

Friendships should leave you feeling energized and uplifted, not drained and exhausted.

If you constantly find yourself feeling emotionally depleted after spending time with a particular friend, it might be a sign that something isn’t right.

This could mean that the friendship is too one-sided, or that the friend is overly demanding or critical.

Friendships should be about mutual support and enjoyment. If your interactions leave you feeling more stressed than satisfied, reassess the friendship and consider whether you need to surround yourself with better quality friends.

5) They don’t celebrate your successes

A true friend is one who celebrates your successes and is genuinely happy for you when good things happen.

They don’t feel threatened by your achievements or try to diminish them.

If you notice that a friend consistently downplays your successes, or worse, reacts with jealousy or resentment, it’s a clear sign that the friendship may not be as healthy as it should be.

We all deserve to have friends who cheer us on and share in our happiness.

If a friend can’t do that, it might be time to consider whether you need to surround yourself with better quality friends.

6) You can’t be your true self around them

There’s a quote that I hold close to my heart, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

Friendship shouldn’t be about pretense or constantly feeling like you’re walking on eggshells.

If you find yourself acting differently or suppressing parts of your personality to fit in or avoid conflict, that speaks volumes.

A true friend will accept and love you for who you are, quirks and all. They’ll encourage you to be authentic, not make you feel like you have to wear a mask.

So, if you can’t be your true self with your friends, it might be time to find a circle that appreciates and embraces the real you.

7) They don’t respect your boundaries

Boundaries are an essential part of any healthy relationship, including friendships. They’re a way of communicating what you’re comfortable with and how you expect to be treated.

I remember a time when I had a friend who would consistently overstep my boundaries.

Whether it was showing up unannounced at my place or sharing my personal matters with others, it was clear that she didn’t respect the boundaries I had set.

This lack of respect was hurtful and it made me feel undervalued as a friend.

It was then I realized that I needed to surround myself with friends who understood and respected my boundaries.

8) They’re not supportive during tough times

Life is full of ups and downs, and a good friend should be there to support you during both.

If a friend disappears or becomes distant during your tough times, it’s a clear sign that they’re fair-weather friends.

True friends stick by you when things get tough, offering a listening ear, a comforting word, or just their presence.

It’s during these challenging times that the quality of your friends really shows. If they’re not there for you when you need them the most, it might be time to find friends who will be.

9) You don’t feel appreciated

At the heart of every genuine friendship is a deep sense of appreciation.

It’s a mutual understanding that you value each other’s company, support, and uniqueness.

If you constantly feel unappreciated or taken for granted, it’s a strong indication that you need to surround yourself with better quality friends.

Friends should acknowledge your worth and make you feel valued. Never settle for less than what you deserve, because everyone deserves to be appreciated in their friendships.

Final thoughts: It’s all about respect and reciprocity

Friendships are a fundamental part of our lives. They shape our experiences, our perspectives, and even our sense of self.

In many ways, our friends are the family we choose, and like any relationship, they require effort, understanding, and mutual respect.

Considering this, the people you allow into your life should uplift and inspire you, not drain your energy or hold you back.

If you’ve recognized any of these signs in your current friendships, it might be time to seek out relationships that align with your values, goals, and personal growth.

Choosing to surround yourself with better quality friends is one of the most empowering decisions you can make.