Love and like. Two words we often use interchangeably in our romantic relationships. But hold on — they’re not always the same thing.

You might have those warm, fuzzy feelings of love for your partner, while simultaneously finding their habits or personality traits irritating or even dislikable.

Sounds confusing, right?

Well, that’s where psychology steps in to offer some clarity.

In this article, we’re going to delve into 8 signs that you may love your partner, but not necessarily like them. And trust me, it’s more common than you think!

So, let’s unravel this emotional paradox together.

1) You’re just not that into their personality

Let’s start with the most obvious sign. You love them, but there’s something about their personality that grates on you.

Love is often blind, as they say. And in the throes of passion, it’s easy to overlook certain things about your partner that you might not find so appealing.

After all, nobody’s perfect, right?

However, if you find yourself consistently irritated or annoyed by certain aspects of your partner’s personality, it might be a sign that you’re in love… but don’t actually like them.

This isn’t about small quirks or habits – we all have those. It’s about fundamental personality traits. Maybe they’re overly stubborn, or perhaps too laid back for your liking.

While love can make us overlook these issues at first, they usually surface over time and can cause conflict in a relationship.

Remember, it’s perfectly okay to love someone but not necessarily like every aspect of them. It’s part of being human. But recognizing this is the first step towards understanding your feelings and working through them.

2) Your communication is lacking

Ah, communication, the backbone of any healthy relationship.

If you love each other but often find yourself having misunderstandings, or you just can’t seem to effectively communicate your thoughts and feelings, it’s a red flag.

In my personal experience, good communication is one of the key factors that distinguishes ‘liking’ from ‘loving’.

Loving someone may mean you have strong feelings for them, but liking them implies a level of understanding and effective communication.

When we truly like someone, we want to understand them better, and that involves open and honest communication.

So if you’re noticing a lot of miscommunication or lack of dialogue altogether, it might be a sign that while love is present, like isn’t.

3) You avoid spending quality time together

This is a big one. If you’re part of a couple who loves each other but tends to spend more time apart than together, there might be more to it.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I discuss how quality time is essential for any healthy relationship.

Love isn’t just about grand gestures or passionate declarations; it’s also about those quiet moments spent together.

Whether it’s watching a movie, cooking dinner, or simply having a chat over a cup of coffee, these moments can strengthen your bond.

But if you find that you’re often making excuses to avoid these moments, or if your time spent together is more out of obligation than desire, it might be an indication that you love each other, but don’t necessarily like each other.

Remember, liking someone means enjoying their company and seeking their presence. If this isn’t happening in your relationship, it may be time to delve deeper.

4) You’re always on your best behavior

Now, this one might seem a bit counterintuitive. Isn’t being on your best behavior a good thing?

Well, yes and no.

Being on your best behavior can also mean that you’re not being completely yourself around your partner. You’re constantly putting on a performance, trying to be the ‘perfect’ partner, instead of just being you.

Loving someone often involves showing our best side to win their affection. But liking someone?

That means being comfortable with them seeing all sides of you – the good, the bad, and everything in between.

If you find that you’re always striving to maintain a perfect facade, it might be a sign that while love is there, like might not be.

True like in a relationship comes when you can let down your guard and just be yourself. So if you’re constantly worrying about maintaining a perfect image, it might be time for some introspection.

5) You’re not interested in their interests

Here’s a personal confession: I love my husband, but I’ve never quite understood his fascination with vintage car models.

However, I still sit with him during his hobby time because I like him and I’m genuinely interested in what makes him happy.

This is what liking someone is all about – showing interest in their passions, even if they don’t align with yours.

If you find yourself uninterested or even dismissive of your partner’s hobbies or interests, it could be a sign you love but don’t actually like each other.

Love makes us care for a person and their well-being, but liking them means taking an interest in the things that bring them happiness and fulfillment, even if they aren’t your cup of tea.

Remember, a little curiosity can go a long way in strengthening your bond with your partner.

6) You don’t really respect them

This one’s tough, but it needs to be said.

You might love someone deeply, but if you don’t respect them – their decisions, their values, their individuality – you probably don’t like them.

Respect is a fundamental aspect of any relationship. It’s about valuing the person for who they are, not just for how they make you feel or what they do for you.

If you’re often dismissive of your partner’s opinions or if you belittle them, either in private or in front of others, it’s a clear sign that while love might be present, like isn’t.

Being raw and honest with ourselves is the first step towards improving our relationships.

So if you’ve recognized this sign in your own relationship, it’s time to have a heart-to-heart conversation with yourself and your partner.

7) You’re not excited for their successes

This one’s close to my heart.

I remember when my husband landed his dream job. Even though it meant relocating and making significant changes, I was genuinely thrilled for him.

Why?

Because I like him and his happiness matters to me.

Now, let’s talk about your relationship.

If your partner achieves something great, but you find yourself feeling indifferent or even envious instead of happy for them, it’s worth a second look.

Liking someone means rejoicing in their victories and sharing their happiness.

If you love your partner but aren’t excited about their successes, you might not actually like them. This might be a hard pill to swallow but recognizing it is the first step towards making positive changes in your relationship.

8) You don’t see a future with them

This is the hardest one, but it’s also the most telling.

If you’re in love but can’t picture a future with your partner, it’s likely that you don’t actually like them.

Love can make us feel intensely in the present, but liking someone is about wanting to continue those feelings into the future.

You might care about them deeply, but if you can’t imagine growing old together, or if thoughts of future plans fill you with doubt or unease, it’s a clear sign of love without like.

It’s a difficult realization, and it requires a lot of courage to face. But remember, it’s better to be honest with yourself now than to live with regret later.

Concluding thoughts

Love is a beautiful and complex emotion, but it doesn’t always mean we like the person we love.

If you’ve identified with some of these signs in your relationship, don’t panic. It doesn’t necessarily mean the end – it just means there’s work to be done.

Remember, recognizing the issue is the first step towards resolving it.

For more insights and practical advice on building healthier relationships, do check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.

Love is a journey, not a destination. And sometimes, it’s the bumps along the way that make the ride worthwhile.