Some people get stuck in traffic and turn into a Hulk. Others are on the verge of learning to tap dance whilst waiting in a queue for longer than five minutes.

If you have exceptional control over your emotions, you’re none of those people. On the contrary, you could find yourself in any challenging situation that comes to mind, and you’d still manage to keep your feelings in check.

So, what is it that separates the two kinds of people?

Read on to find out.

Here are the 7 signs you belong in the latter category – in other words, you have power over your emotions, not the other way around.

1) You don’t react, you respond

Reactions come quickly. They are sudden outbursts; they are uncontrollable; they trample on your dignity and leave you full of regrets.

Taking the time to respond rather than react seems like a small thing – it’s just five extra seconds, after all – but it can absolutely make or break the way you express yourself in front of others.

The key to responding lies in self-awareness.

It’s all about thinking through the consequences of your actions, analyzing whether your intended action is socially appropriate to the situation at hand, and hitting the breaks if you arrive at the conclusion that it may be better to stay quiet.

It’s not always a good idea to snap at your friend when you’re frustrated or get into a passionate argument just because you can’t help but protect your ego.

Sometimes, the best thing to do is to take your sweet time before you decide on your next move.

And if you slow down the pace of the conversation, so what? At least you’ll dissipate some of the heat and set a tone for a respectful and productive discussion.

2) You can name and accept your feelings for what they are

The ability to control your emotions is often referred to as emotional self-regulation among psychologists. It’s what helps you determine whether your reactions are appropriate and stop yourself in time if necessary.

An important part of emotional self-regulation is self-awareness because it’s what allows you to take a look inside yourself and see your feelings for what they are.

The truth is that many people don’t realize they’re angry until after they’ve screamed their heads off at an innocent customer service employee. 

What’s more, anger is often used as a blanket emotion to cover up more painful feelings, such as grief and disappointment. If you don’t realize which feelings are at the very core of how you feel, you may act out in ways that aren’t beneficial to your long-term happiness and relationships with others.

Therefore, it’s incredibly important that you get to the bottom of your emotions when need be, name them, and accept them as they arise.

Remember, though – accepting your feelings doesn’t mean you’ve got to express them externally. It just means you’re able to admit to yourself that this is how you feel and make your peace with it.

This could help you validate your own pain and calm down a bit.

3) You have found healthy outlets for your emotions

Naming and accepting your feelings often isn’t enough to process them.

Unfortunately, this is the stage where many people fail. Instead of recognizing that their emotions need a healthy outlet, they either express them in destructive ways or push them down.

Not you, though. If you have exceptional control over your emotions, you’re one of those people who actually know what to do when they’re angry or sad:

• You let yourself cry when you’re upset
• You go to the gym or for a run when you’re angry
• You dance when you’re anxious
• You do anything else that works for you

4) You know when you need to take some space

You won’t always be able to keep your calm, especially if the situation at hand is way too challenging to handle.

Even the greatest of stoics can make mistakes sometimes. We’re all only human after all.

What distinguishes you from others, though, is the fact that you know when you need to take some space to yourself – and you aren’t afraid to do it.

Taking space may seem rude to some (they think you’re essentially walking out on them), but the truth is that having a “time-out” of sorts is one of the best things you can do during an argument.

Why?

Because it gives you both some time to think over the issue, find a healthy outlet for your emotions (as described in the previous section), and calm down before you come back to each other, ready to delve into the problem once more.

Taking space isn’t a magic trick, mind you. As relationship experts Linda Bloom, LCSW, and Charlie Bloom, MSW, explain:

“Keep in mind that the object of a timeout is not to come back together filled with love and light, feeling completely resolved about the issue, but simply to prevent the situation from further deteriorating and being more capable of continuing the dialogue with greater openness, respect, and committed listening.”

5) Your empathy shines through the hurricane of feelings inside you

Another sign you’re a master at keeping your emotions under control is that no matter how angry or hurt you feel, your empathy is so strong that you are still able to see the other person’s perspective.

This is super important because it means you won’t give in to your ego all that easily. Instead of defending your perspective tooth and nail, you’re more likely to understand where the person you’re dealing with is coming from.

And sometimes, that sense of understanding is enough to calm down a bit.

Our empathy reminds us that nothing is ever black-and-white; that humans are complex beings with vastly different experiences that shape them every step of the way; that the other person doesn’t necessarily intend to hurt us, they are just operating from a different mindset.

Careful, though – you don’t want to empathize with someone to the point where you squash your own needs and feelings.

Empathy can work both ways. You can validate your own pain and see the other person’s point of view simultaneously. Thus the beauty of being human.

6) You don’t take things too personally

“We are wired to take unpleasant comments by others personally, even though they say more about the other person than ourselves,” writes psychologist Tamar Chansky PhD.

The good news, she says, is that it’s possible to free ourselves from this mindset.

When you approach other people with compassion and a slight sense of detachment – you don’t automatically connect their actions to your own personhood, for instance – you’re much more likely to stay in charge of your emotions and keep your cool.

That angry customer has nothing to do with your ability to make good coffee.

The fact that your partner’s in a bad mood today doesn’t necessarily mean you did something to set them off.

That mean joke someone’s made about you doesn’t reveal some intrinsic truth about who you are – in fact, it says more about their personality.

Chansky highlights the importance of compassion in such cases:

“How is cheerfully ordering your coffee a trigger for someone? If we actually consider these questions in a not-judgey way but rather in a curious, I actually want to understand way, that is the beginning of helping ourselves not be so impacted by other’s behavior… and maybe helping us to be more compassionate about what other people are going through.”

My personal tip is to remind yourself that you’re not important enough to be at the root of everyone’s troubles. The majority of things happening in the world have nothing to do with you.

It sounds harsh, but this idea always helps me regain my equilibrium in challenging situations.

7) You don’t view your negative feelings as enemies

Finally, the ability to stay in control of one’s emotions isn’t grounded in some superior sense of calm.

It is more about the way you approach your feelings.

If you struggle to name and accept your anger as a sign of a deeper issue before reacting, for instance, it can easily get the better of you.

If you quickly realize that the purpose of your anger is to fight for you or perhaps cover up much more painful emotions, you are more likely to process it effectively and show up as a mature and self-regulated individual in most situations.

Your negative emotions aren’t a hindrance. They aren’t your enemies. They serve a clear purpose – they alarm you to a certain issue and guide you through the process of validating your experience and releasing the energy that’s connected to it.

Anger, sadness, or hurt may feel uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean they’re bad. 

And if you recognize them as your friends rather than enemies, it’s the last sign you have exceptional control over your emotions.