9 signs you have an unhealthy need to compete with people, according to psychology

Ava Sinclair by Ava Sinclair | November 12, 2024, 12:43 pm

For some, competition is fuel—a way to push boundaries and strive for success.

But when the need to compete starts to seep into every part of life, it can shift from motivating to draining.

If you’ve ever felt a twinge of jealousy when a friend succeeds or found yourself constantly comparing your progress to others, you might be driven by an unhealthy need to compete.

Psychology reveals that this kind of competitiveness isn’t just about ambition—it often stems from deeper, unspoken insecurities and anxieties that can chip away at our well-being.

In this article, we’ll dive into nine subtle yet telling signs of an unhealthy need to compete, helping you uncover if this drive is pushing you forward or holding you back.

These insights could be the key to understanding what’s really fueling your need to be “better” than everyone else.

1) You can’t celebrate others’ success

A healthy competitive spirit means feeling happy for others when they win, understanding that their success doesn’t diminish your own.

But when competition takes a darker turn, it can make it difficult to truly rejoice in someone else’s achievements.

If you often feel resentment, envy, or even bitterness when others succeed—especially those close to you—it may signal an overly competitive nature.

This can show up as dismissing their success as “luck” or finding subtle ways to downplay their accomplishments.

This reaction doesn’t just strain your relationships; it also limits your ability to recognize and feel satisfied with your own achievements.

Learning to appreciate others’ victories without feeling threatened is a key step toward letting go of unnecessary competition and finding more peace in your own journey.

2) Every interaction turns into a competition

I remember a time when I was catching up with a longtime friend. We were sharing our life updates over coffee, but somewhere along the line, it turned into a contest.

Instead of just enjoying the conversation, I found myself comparing my achievements with hers. It felt like a tennis match, with each of us trying to serve an accomplishment that outdid the other’s.

That’s when I realized that my competitive nature was seeping into my relationships. 

It’s okay to strive for success, but it’s equally important to remember that not every aspect of life is a race.

3) You’re never satisfied with your achievements

In the realm of psychology, there’s a concept known as the “Hedonic Treadmill“. It’s the idea that no matter how much we achieve or acquire, our levels of happiness tend to quickly return to a baseline level.

Often, people with an unhealthy need to compete are stuck on this treadmill.

No matter what they achieve, it never seems enough. They’re always looking for the next thing, the next goal, the next victory.

This constant dissatisfaction can lead to stress, burnout and even depression.

If you find that you’re never content with your accomplishments, it might be a sign that your competition drive has become overbearing.

4) You’re overly critical of your own performance

Self-reflection is beneficial, but constant self-criticism is a different ballgame altogether.

If you tend to be overly critical of your own performance, even when you’ve done well, it might be a sign that your need to compete has become unhealthy.

Being on a relentless quest for perfection can lead to anxiety and low self-esteem. Remember, nobody’s perfect, and it’s okay to have flaws.

If you’re always beating yourself up over minor mistakes or not being the best at everything, it might be time to reassess your competitive mindset.

5) Your self-worth relies on winning

A healthy sense of self-worth is not solely dependent on external validation or achievements.

However, people who have an unhealthy need to compete often base their self-esteem on their ability to outperform others.

If you find your self-worth plummeting with every loss and skyrocketing with every win, this could be a sign that your competitiveness is taking an unhealthy turn.

Your value as a person is not defined by how many times you come out on top. It’s essential to separate your worth from your wins and realize that losing sometimes doesn’t make you any less valuable or capable.

6) Your relationships are suffering

There’s an old saying, “It’s lonely at the top,” and this can be painfully true if a need to compete begins overshadowing your connections.

When relationships start to feel like contests rather than sources of support, it can create distance, mistrust, and even resentment.

Instead of building each other up, constant competition can turn friends, family, or partners into rivals, making meaningful connection feel out of reach.

Healthy relationships are about connection, understanding, and mutual support—not about keeping score or constantly proving yourself. 

7) You struggle with failure

I’ve always been a competitive person, striving to be the best in every aspect. But there was a time when I came second in a competition, and it hit me harder than I expected.

I struggled with accepting the fact that I hadn’t won. It kept me up at night, replaying where I went wrong and what I could have done differently.

That’s when I realized that my reaction to failure was not healthy.

If you find yourself obsessing over failure or setbacks, it’s a sign that your need to compete is unhealthy. Failure is a part of life and it’s important to accept that we can’t win at everything all the time.

8) You’re constantly stressed

Stress is a common side effect of an unhealthy need to compete.

If you’re constantly under pressure to be the best, it can lead to chronic stress, which has both physical and mental health implications.

If you find yourself constantly tense, anxious or unable to relax because you’re always thinking about your next victory, it’s a red flag.

Take time for self-care and relaxation, and know that it’s okay to slow down sometimes and simply enjoy life without the constant need to compete.

9) You’ve lost the joy of participation

At the end of the day, the most vital sign that your need to compete is becoming unhealthy is when you stop enjoying the process.

If you’re so focused on winning that you’ve lost the joy of participation, then it’s a clear indication that your competitive spirit has taken a wrong turn.

Competition should be about striving to be your best self, not just about outdoing others. When it stops being fun and starts feeling like a burden, it’s time to reassess your approach.

Final thoughts: It’s all about balance

While a touch of competition can be motivating, letting it dominate our thoughts and relationships can ultimately keep us from finding genuine satisfaction.

The signs we’ve covered here highlight how an excessive need to “win” can strain relationships, damage self-esteem, and make true happiness feel elusive.

If you see yourself in any of these behaviors, remember that change starts with awareness.

Begin by shifting focus from comparison to personal growth, celebrating others’ achievements alongside your own, and focusing on the journey rather than the scoreboard.

Letting go of this need for constant competition won’t just improve your relationships; it can also create a more peaceful, fulfilling path forward—one where your success feels meaningful and shared.